写了篇雅思大作文，求大牛批改，欢迎各种批斗_百度知道
写了篇雅思大作文，求大牛批改，欢迎各种批斗
the supreme honor of country and sports professionals are not equal to how many money they can earn in their career, the highly intensive training also need a good physical power and endurance to reach the climax.At third place, the budding competitors have extremely little private time as long as they make up their mind to follow the course in the supreme government sports center and take absolutely tense training as more as possible. Besides, the very short career of sports decide the high salary to
At second place. It means the best period of an athlete is not last long. The great deal money they earn relate to how much effort they made in second and minute. The strict rules to choose the athletes with the no-exception spirit, the feat of very excellent quality of sports professional and perfect performances in campaign are be conducted the very strict principles to choose a budding athletes.All in all, he or she will finish the sports career around 35 years old.In other words: At first place, which give a greeting to the metal rewardIt is fully justified, young athletes experience less happy at early age(10-16) and have few chance to perceive the normal daily life as other youngsters, some people consider it in three related fields
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一般来说。一般内容的展开。但是我感觉你的内容并没有论证这个观点。首先不说第一句的语法问题，这是一个加分点。我认为你太强调长句子以至于使用过于复杂反而表达不清你的意思，对于初学者来说。可是最关键的问题还是要写出文章，倒是一些建议，我只是想说, the budding competitors have extremely little private time as long as they make up their mind to follow the course in the supreme government sports center and take absolutely tense training as more as possible。比如表示首先可以用？我必须读到后面的才能猜测, lastly等等表示最后啊，有时候用简单的话去说明一个问题可能更有助于别人理解，意思是nervous. 意思一旦他们参加了这些涉及到大量培训的课程？还是Sport profession.你表达一旦这些学生参加了课程训练.center。说实话。这个句子真的太长了，第三点啦? 你第一句提到field。但是如果你把这个句子修改一下变成。所以没有能力批改：提出观点或者表明自己的立场。第二，过渡词用得不是很好，进一步。我个人建议：Once they started to attend the courses that involve a number of intense(你用的tense, in addition，他们会有少量的私人时间来享受自己的生活。当然可能跟我本身的能力有关，其次之类的。At second place我不是大牛。当然我没有说我的句子使用有多好；thirdly，你可以先从用多用简单句把自己的意思表达清楚开始；secondly；to begin with，你这里的it 指代的是Sport.，再逐步联系使用复杂的句子，观点也很模糊，我们都会用到首先，可是后面的内容是跟sport 有关的什么, moreover,不知道你是表达这个意思吗，这一点你完全没有体现,这个是表示对什么感到紧张，他们就很少有个人的时间。你最后一段总结不错，作文的结构非常重要，对于内容的展开有很大的帮助; firstly, they will have less private time to enjoy themselves。这类的过渡词语很多的？)trainings in ，我读了好几遍才明白了这个意思，然后。我建议你可以去网上收集一些作为过渡性的词语。关于雅思我没有深入了解,futhermore表示然后，最好采取总——分——总的结构。首先.，但是托福的作为虽然要求考生会使用一些复杂的巨型.。第一段。我会觉得你会讲领域之类的，别人能看的懂或者容易看得懂，等等，只是一个正在准备托福考试的考生，希望能帮到你。it 是什么
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登陆账号建议：去句酷批改网，点“自制作文”输入
在这里替你批的一般不是大牛，大牛都去挣钱去了，没空。最好的办法是请那些出广告辅导的老师，没有两下子的老师一般不会自己单干的，差一些的都去培训机构了。
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出门在外也不愁这是我的第一篇雅思练习作文,希望大家帮我修改,谢谢题目：8分万能作文第87页This bar chart illustrates the percentage of people who get higher education in China from 1990 to 2004. It is clear that the proportion of the pe_百度作业帮
这是我的第一篇雅思练习作文,希望大家帮我修改,谢谢题目：8分万能作文第87页This bar chart illustrates the percentage of people who get higher education in China from 1990 to 2004. It is clear that the proportion of the people receiving higher education is an upward trend.As can be seen from the bar graph that there was a slight increase from 1990(about 4%) to 1994 (approximately 11%) in Chinese higher education student numbers. The figure doubled in the next two years arrived t roughly 22% in 1996. After that, substantial surge in the number of Chinese students enrolled in higher education amount to approximately 10% between the years from 1996 to 1998 and to 2000 respectively. And the number in China ascended precipitously from around 45% to about 65% during the period between the years 2000 and 2002, and the statistic increase slightly6 to just under 70%.Therefore, it can be clearly seen from the bar diagram that the numbers in higher education in China has a dramatical rise between 1990 and 2004.希望大家能帮我评一个分数,多指出些错误,谢谢.另外,我8月29日第一次雅思考试,在这一个月里应该怎样练习写作?希望大家能多给我一些好的建议.
卡卡西瓜倲
This bar chart illustrates the percentage of people who receive high level education in China from 1990 to 2004.
Clearly, the proportion of
people receiving tertiary education shows an upward trend. (It is ....这种句型少用 在IELTS还好 如果是在sat的写作中 或是 国外大学的写作中 这种句式会被视为redundant and vague 但是有一些词是必须用的 比如说 It is incumbent upon...., etc)According to the graph, the number of students enrolled in higher education slightly increased from 1990(about 4%) to 1994 (approximately 11%) in China. What is more, this figure doubled during the next two years, arriving at rougly 22%. From 1996 onwards, substantial increasei is noticed in the number of Chinese students studied in tertiary education, amounting to approximately 10% (between the years from 1996 to 1998 and to 2000 respectively) 括号中的话有问题 因为没有图 我不知道具体情况是什么样的 但是语法上是肯定错的,confusing~. In adiition, the number of Chinese students who took high leverl education ascended precipitously from 45% 65%
between 2000 and 2002, a figure which rose to almost 70%.Therefore, it can be clearly seen from the bar diagram that the numbers in higher education in China has a dramatical rise between 1990 and 2004. (wordy....)4.5
94..........还不错
1 It is clear that the proportion of the people receiving higher education is an upward trend.我理proportion是trend，虽然句式不错，但主语应该有问题，要改下～2As can be seen from the bar graph，还有后面的bar dia...
This bar chart illustrates the percentage of people who get higher education in China from 1990 to 2004. It is clear that the proportion of the people receiving higher education shows an upward tenden...
雅思作文中可以出现We和I不要有意回避这些词
但是切记不能用you!
1.This bar chart illustrates 中，this换为the要好点，当然，开头要大写。2.It is clear that the proportion of the people receiving higher education is an upward trend 这句话是没问题的，我知道你是想用that the proportion of the peopl...
This bar chart illustrates the percentage of people who receive high level education in China from 1990 to 2004.
Clearly, the proportion of
people receiving tertiary education shows an upward trend....
upward trend可以开成increasing trend.as can be seen改成 it can be seen会好很多。 in Chinese higher education student numbers改成 in the number of Chinese students who attained higher education."in t...
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本帖最后由 moking_nf 于
20:58 编辑
剑桥10 test2 task2
Nowadays, students are given morefreedom to decide what they want to learn in college. Some parents believe thatall university students should choose any subjects that they like to study,while others argue that only subjects that are useful their future work, suchas technology and science, should be studied by the students. I agree to thefirst opinion. Onone hand, students have the right to choose any subjects they like to study. Ifa student is interested in art, he/she should be allowed to learn it, and moreovera person is more likely to success when he/she learns something reallyinteresting to him/her. On the other hand, it is not a good ideato force all students to study the same subjects due to the following reasons. Firstly,every student have their own personalities, which provides varied possibilitiesfor them. Some may become scientists, while others may be artists. Secondly, ifall students learn the some subjects, they will face fierce competitions whenthey graduate and have to find a job. Last but not least, other subjects, suchas art or music, are also of great importance to the healthy development of thesociety just as science and technology do.Although it is significant foruniversity students to study any subjects they like, they should consider theadvices and opinions from their parents and tutors.In conclusion, university studentsshould study any subjects they like. This is not just good for the studentsthemselves but also vital for the society.
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本帖最后由 DylanWei 于
13:48 编辑
Nowadays, students are given morefreedom to decide what they want to learn in college. Some parents believe thatall university students should choose any subjects that they like to study,while others argue that only subjects that are useful their future work, suchas technology and science, should be studied by the students. I agree to thefirst opinion.
Onone hand, students have the right to choose any subjects they like to study. Ifa student is interested in art,论述时候不要只是提及art，客观全面论述就行了。， he/she should be allowed to learn it, and moreovera person is more likely to success when he/she learns something reallyinteresting to him/her. 为什么容易成功啊？
On the other hand, it is not a good ideato force all students to study the same subjects due to the following reasons. 不是说学习同一门知识，其实按照题意，应该是学习特定的有用的知识，color]Firstly,every student have their own personalities, which provides varied possibilitiesfor them. Some may become scientists, while others may be artists. 这点就是不太符合要求的。Secondly, ifall students learn the some subjects, they will face fierce competitions whenthey graduate and have to find a job. Last but not least, other subjects, suchas art or music, are also of great importance to the healthy development of thesociety just as science and technology do题目的第二个观点没有这层意思啊，怎么可以论述出来呢？.
Although it is significant foruniversity students to study any subjects they like, they should consider theadvices and opinions from their parents and tutors.这边论述自己的观点！
In conclusion, university studentsshould study any subjects they like. This is not just good for the studentsthemselves but also vital for the society.
评价：论述的时候思路要清晰，要理解题目要求，论证内容准确到位有说服力
&谢谢老师，唉，时间好紧啊，都没有时间练习&
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DylanWei 发表于
Nowadays, students are given morefreedom to decide what they want to learn in college. Some parents&&...
谢谢老师，唉，时间好紧啊，都没有时间练习
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小站论坛，All Rights Reserved 小站国际教育&&沪ICP备号&&求个懂雅思的老师帮我看看我的大作文 改改我的语法等等 最好给个分数哈 谢谢_百度知道
求个懂雅思的老师帮我看看我的大作文 改改我的语法等等 最好给个分数哈 谢谢
parents or school.
Some people claim that teaching children is the most basic responsibilities to parents,a certain extent? In this essay,parents and children live together for a long time, learning style,which will promote the learning process effectively. They can practice the knowledge learned in classroom in this society having a better learning effect,etc, i think both parents and school should lead children to be a person with decent behaviorA much debate issue these days is which one take charge to teach children as a good member of society. If their children violates law before 188 years old,which like a modal society that give children a chance to taste the mini society life, parents know more about their own children,guiding children is a responsibility to parents and school, they will be punished by government. For example. Children behaviors,i will argue that both of them have to take responsibilities to teach children.
On the other hand, there are a lot of classmates around you in school. In addition. These factors assure children will acquire high quality education,not only reflect the quality of their parents and family feature but also indicate national civilization degree, the other people find that school is more appropriate to guide the students to have a decent behavior in society because school not only have a number of advantage teaching methods but also possess some educational experts with abundant experience,and they will find a learning method that perfect to them. So,so they are very understanding their children’s personalities . However. They can make a suitable schedule for their children according to their own characteristics.
Personally. In China,parents should discipline well their children by law before 18 years old
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so they (are very understanding 要改为 should rather understand) their children’s personalities . Some people claim that teaching children is the most basic responsibilities to parents,which will promote the learning process effectively,which would have) a better learning effect. They can practice the knowledge learned in (要加 the) classroom in this society (having 改为 ，所以亦无从给你评分. Children behaviors. 有少许错漏，是不负责任和不道德的行为，虽然文章语法并非突出. In China，只可惜本人不是教育界人士. For example. These factors assure children will acquire high quality education, parents know more about their own children, i think both parents and school should lead children to be a person with decent behavior,parents (should 要用 must 因为是法定要求) discipline (well 要移位) their children (well) by law before 18 years old, etc,parents and children live together for a long time. If their children violates (是 violate) (the) law before 188 (18) years old? In this essay. In addition,guiding children is a responsibility to (应加 both) parents and school,not only reflect the quality of their parents and family feature but also indicate (the) national civilization degree，但论点明确, parents or school, learning style，造成你的错觉. They can make a suitable schedule for their children according to their own characteristics, a certain extent,which like a modal (是 model) society that give children a chance to taste the mini society life. On the other hand. So, they will be punished by government. However. Personally, there are a lot of classmates around you in school，已替你更正了A much debate (是 debatable) issue these days is which one (要加 should) take ( 要用 takes) charge to teach children as a good member of society，请多多见谅,and they will find a learning method that (要加 is) perfect to them，也不应自作总明胡乱给分而影响你, the other people find that school is more appropriate to guide the students to have a decent behavior in (要加 the) society because school not only have a number of advantage teaching methods but also possess some educational experts with abundant experience(s)。 很高兴能够帮到你，希望会对你有助,i (will 改为 would) argue that both of them have to take responsibilities to teach children
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谢谢你的耐心解答，好详细呀
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Will that be ok to you ，我下班到家为你搞定，时间是今晚11点以前你好。如果你不急
okokokokok.. 其实我还有两篇大作文在我的问问里 你能不能顺便帮我解决了。。我三篇作文是同时提问的
A much DEBATED issue these days is: WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING children good members of society, parents or school? In this essay,i will SAYthat both of them have to SHARE THE SAME responsibilitY
to teach children AND MAKE THEM USEFUL TO SOCIETY. Some people claim that teaching children is the most basic responsibility to their parents. In China,parents should discipline
their children well to abide by the law before they are 18 years old. If their children break the
law before they are 18 years old, they will be punished by the government. In addition, parents know more about their own children,and they will find a learning method thatis best
for them. For example,parents and children have lived together for a long time,so they are quite familiar with
their children’s personality, learning style,etc. They can make a suitable schedule for their children according to their own characters ,which will promote their children&#39;s
learning process effectively.
On the other hand,
other people find that the school is more appropriate to guide the students to have a decent behavior towards
society because school not only has
a number of advanced teaching methods but also possesses some educational experts with abundant experience. These factors ensure that children acquire a high-quality education. However, there are a lot of classmates around you in school,who are
like a modal society that gives children a chance to taste the mini society life. They can apply
the knowledge learned in school to
society to see if they have a better learning effect.
Personally, i think both parents and the school should lead children to be
people with decent behavior. Children behaviors, to a certain extent,not only reflect the quality of their parents and family feature but also indicate the
degree of the civilization of the country where the children live . So,guiding children is a responsibility to parent
已近很完美了，加油
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出门在外也不愁快要考试了，求大牛和老师们帮我修改下雅思大作文啊，不要粘贴来的东西，我上次6.5，7766，写作是6分这次写作想提,7分，求修改和指导！随便看看的就不要发表意见了，谢了一：Some people _百度作业帮
快要考试了，求大牛和老师们帮我修改下雅思大作文啊，不要粘贴来的东西，我上次6.5，7766，写作是6分这次写作想提,7分，求修改和指导！随便看看的就不要发表意见了，谢了一：Some people think that pollution and damage of environment are resulting from a country's developing and becoming richer, and this is hard to be avoided. To what extent do you agree or disagree?There is no doubt that environment challenges, ranging from the smog in cities, especially emission-induced air pollution, to electric pollution, are presented to us. Some people link it to the development of a country, and think that this trend is inevitable. In general, I agree with the opinion expressed.It is undeniable that, unfortunately, it is always the case that countries tend to pay less attention to the environment perservation with the aim of making money through surging their economy. This means that some rich industrilized countries may be unlikely to solve these environmental challenges because reducing these problems may slow down their industrial production and lower their people's comfort and convenience, even when they possess advanced technology and financial resources.However, reaching the conclusion that this trend is inevitable is not the same as assuming that "these issues can not be solved." If a nation could make use of its sophisticated technology properly and effectively, then there would be various measures that could be implemented which would have a huge effect on these problems. I personally think that to tackle the problem of air pollution, the technology is already avaliable to produce electric cars that would be both quiter and cleaner to use. As for the electric pollution, are all the neon lights really necessary? They should be turned off when not in use.In conclusion, I would say that the long-term solution would depend on governments rasing the awareness of the general public that all environmental problems fundamentally arise from the abusive behavior of all individuals, and on a collective consciousness that each individual must be aware of the impact he or she has on the environment.对于这篇作文，我觉得自己在审题方面有些不清楚，不知道该不该写“怎样解决环境问题”这个部分；还有逻辑问题。
一：有人认为，污染和环境破坏是造成一个国家的发展和繁荣，这是很难避免的。你在何种程度上同意或不同意？毫无疑问的是，环境的挑战，从烟雾中的城市，尤其是emission-induced空气污染，对污染，提交给我们。有人把它发展的一个国家，并且认为这是不可避免的趋势。一般来说，我同意这一观点表达。不可否认的是，不幸的是，它总是这样的国家往往不重视环境保护的目的是赚钱，通过汹涌澎湃的经济。这意味着，一些富...
同为烤鸭，感觉你的模版痕迹太重
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