10 Simple Ways to Strengthen Friendships for a Lifetime
- Goodlife Zen
A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. ― William ShakespeareIf it wasn’t for friends, I would have never survived some of the most difficult moments in my life.When I was going through one of the most challenging and painful events in my life after a divorce, it was friends old and new that came to the rescue and saved not only the day but my sanity!Friends were there to give me advice and a perspective on my life. Friends were there for strength and courage. They were also there for laughter and encouragement. I now realize that friendship is tested during life’s tough moments and become strengthened when facing and overcoming adversity.While I am not seeking more problems in my life merely for the sake of nurturing friendships, I’ve found that we can always deepen and strengthen our relationships with others.Here are ten ways to encourage stronger relationship with your friends:1. Be more conscious of your friendshipsSometimes we are so busy with life and family that we forget that we have friends. We need to be aware that the friends in our lives won’t be there forever. Although they may be “just” a neighbor or classmate today, it doesn’t mean they will be tomorrow. Be aware that the people you spend time with as friends is the first step in building stronger relationships.2. Don’t take friendships for grantedDon’t forget that friendship is a choice, not an obligation. If you don’t value your friendships, they’ll eventually disappear.In today’s hectic world, we are constantly on the go. If we ignore our friendships, they drift away until one day we wonder what happened to the people who were so important in our lives.3. See how you can help a friend in trouble.There’s no better time to be a great friend than in times of hardship and trouble.You don’t have to solve the problem but you can be a shoulder to lean on, someone to share a meal with or help with an errand.Often, friends who are experiencing hardship don’t reach out for fear of imposing on others. I was fortunate that many of my friends made the effort to reach out to me and ask how they could help.4. Find ways to make their lives betterYou don’t have to reach out to friends only during times of hardship. Find ways to add value to their lives. If they’re busy with a project and could use some babysitting time, offer to help. If they work long hours, drop off or pick up their children, run errands or surprise them with a home-cooked meal.Find ways to help your friends and they will be truly grateful but even more appreciative of your thoughtfulness.5. Spend time with friendsThis may seem like a no-brainer but when was the last time you spent some quality time with your friends?Again, this goes backs to taking friendships for granted in our lives.Understandably, the demands of work or family consume most our time. Our daily lives may be an endless to-do list but it is always possible to set time aside for friends. Block off time or day of the week for friend time!6. Communicate with them regularlyIn addition to not allocating enough time to spend with friends, lack of communication also affects your friendships.In a world where technology makes it so easy to communicate, reaching out to a friend nowadays requires only a quick text message, brief email, phone call or visit.Be proactive in keeping in touch even it’s just to say hello and see how they’re doing.7. Encourage their dreams.When friends are lost, confused or seek your advice, listen and help guide them. Many people in life are quick to shoot down someone’s dream or passion, but without goals or dreams our lives become a meaningless existence.Share your passion to inspire others and see what a difference it makes to your life and theirs. If you’re seeking to strengthen a friendship, try to provide valuable and constructive advice.Even if you think your friend’s ideas are a little out there, help them navigate the pros and cons of their dream without shooting it down.8. Make friendship a priorityWe spend time on the relationships that matter to us. Never having enough time is not an excuse. When you say you don’t have enough time, what it really means is that you don’t have enough time for friendship.We are burdened with often too much in our lives but if friendship is important to you, make it a priority. When you make friendship a priority, you empower yourself to say no to other less important things in your life and elevate the value of friends in your life. Always remember that jobs, issues and problems come and go. It’s always friendships that transcend the routine of daily life.9. Overlook their shortcomingsFriends might upset you or anger you because of their characteristics, mannerisms or behavior. If they are a good long-term friend and you value the relationship, overlook their shortcomings.Regardless of race, color or creed, people are people. We all have our positive and negative qualities.As difficult as it may be sometimes to overlook an annoying or unpleasant shortcoming, learn to accept it for the sake of your long-term friendship with the person you value.10. Limit expectationsMany times when friends anger or upset us, it is usually because of unrealistic expectations.We expect friends to thank us for kind gestures, to call us on our birthdays or remember our important events. In the real world, however, friends make mistakes and don’t always do what you think they should.The easiest way to ruin a friendship is to allow this kind of attitude to get out of hand. Stop expecting people to behave the way you expect. In fact, reducing expectations or demands of friends will reduce potential disappointment in them.Good friends are hard to come by so value the friendships you do have and they will last you a lifetime.What have you done to maintain your friendships? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.About the author Vishnu writes about career, life and spirituality tips for his community of world-changers. For inspiration, sign up to receive weekly posts atShares 192i like this post.
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Sir Isaac Newton wasn’t in his laboratory when he discovered the law of universal gravitation. If you believe the fable, he was relaxing in the countryside, and whether or not an apple fell on his head what matters is that he was taking a break when the realization hit him.
Aha! or Eureka! moments often happen when we least expect them—when we allow ourselves to be distracted, says Harvard University psychology researcher Shelley H. Carson, author of .
&In some ways distractions are a form of mindfulness—being mindful of your environment and noticing more new things,& she says. &Being open to them allows for the ability to take bits of information and combine them in novel ways that are useful or adaptive.&
While there are times you need to modulate your level of focus, allowing yourself to be distracted can take you down interesting pathways you hadn’t expected, says Carson. Here are three benefits that distraction can bring:
A distraction is defined as something that grabs your attention. Distractions foster creativity because they put a higher number of stimuli in your conscious awareness, allowing you the opportunity to generate more new ideas.
Highly creative people explore the universe and allow their attention to be grabbed by everything.
&If you’re concentrating on something and excluding everything else, you may not be able to take advantage of distractions that can form novel and original combinations,& Carson says.
Highly creative people explore the universe and allow their attention to be grabbed by everything. Everything is interesting, and they’re continually rewarded by novel stimuli, says Carson.
An important part of using distractions is to look at them in a non-judgmental way. When a distraction happens, let it give you a chance to pay attention to more of the things around you and see what kind of creative inspiration it gives you. Carson says we should all be open to distractions, whether your job is creative or not.
&You need new ideas to survive in our rapidly changing climate,& she says. &It doesn’t matter what kind of business you’re in, we all need to be creative. Go with it and see where it takes you. It’s not always detrimental.&
Another benefit to being distracted is that it often leads to solutions: &Something in the environment will trigger an idea that solves a problem that’s been simmering in the back of your mind,& says Carson. &That’s called opportunistic assimilation. It’s the Aha! moment you put together when you realize something you just came across would be useful in something else you’re doing.&
found that the regions of the brain that handle decision-making are still active when the conscious mind is distracted with a different task. The study, published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, explains why a great idea or solution will come to you while you’re in the shower, driving a car, or chatting with a coworker.
&This study provides some of the first clues for how our brains process this information for effective problem-solving and decision-making,& writes J. David Creswell, assistant professor of psychology in CMU’s Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences and director of the Health and Human Performance Laboratory. &What’s most intriguing is that participants did not have any awareness that their brains were still working on the decision problem while they were engaged in an unrelated task.&
Becoming more distractible can also elevate your mood. Through her research, Carson found that when someone is distracted, their mood can move from depressed to normal and continue in an upward direction.
&When your mood is down you notice fewer things,& she says.
It’s possible to purposefully improve your mood by inviting distractions. Carson suggests doing an exercise to increase amount of stimuli you’re noticing. For example, sit comfortably in a chair and notice your feet on floor. Notice the places where your body touches the furniture. Notice the feel of the fabric you&re wearing. Notice the sounds in the environment that you had been filtering out.
&Take away the filters that you usually use to limit information,& she says. &As you notice all of these new things, the distractions will open your mind.&
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