by Eric Charles
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now. We’ve had our problems but have worked through it all and I really want him to pop the question already. There was a moment when he talked about us being married, but he joked that I should be the one to get him the ring.
The topic hasn’t come up again since and at this point, I am just about ready to give him an ultimatum- either he proposes or I’m leaving.
I’m also thinking of just getting him a ring at this point just to move this thing along!
Can you please help me figure this out?
See our guy’s response after the jump!
I’ve met plenty of women who are in a hurry to get married.
And I understand the reasons: biological clock, all your friends are married, you feel like “it’s time”, you want to have final commitment, etc.
The problem is, there are many considerations that guys have to make that you need to consider too.
When you can understand why a guy might have reservations to getting married (or at least, might not be motivated to get married), it will help you communicate better and ultimately get you to a place where you may both decide it’s time for marriage.
Or not… but at least you’ll know where you stand.
Personally, I don’t plan on getting married until I’m ready to start a family.
That’s just my personal view and I’m not suggesting or projecting that anyone else should share it.
But for me, that would be the determining factor for when I tie the knot.
Now, I’m going to give you a viewpoint that many guys think about and fear.
In fact, this fear makes many guys avoid marriage like the plague…
The fear for guys is that it’s going to be a really crappy deal if things fall apart.
Every man has heard countless stories about men getting screwed in divorce settlements.
Now I know that there are lots of counter-stories where women have gotten screwed too, but guys don’t typically hear those stories.
I tend to be a risk-averse guy, so I’m not in hurry to get married.
All the nice parts of marriage sound nice to me, but the prospect of divorce sounds awful…
I have seen men destroyed by it (not to say women aren’t too, I guess I’ve just met more divorced men in my work with guys…)
In many cases, when a guy gets married, he’s doing it for you.
Most guys don’t care whether or not there’s a legal document that says you’re married.
Most guys have heard enough horror stories to know that tying the knot isn’t going to make a woman any less likely to cheat or leave, so there’s a general attitude that it’s not to our advantage to risk half of our income on the chance that everything works out.
(Quick insert here:
I’ve gotten LOTS of comments that there are many marriages where the woman makes more money than the man and she ends up getting financially screwed.
Please understand that I get that and I’m not saying that last part to be sexist or “old fashioned”.
I’m just sharing how many guys think about marriage.)
Plus, for the guy it’s not like he’s not getting love or sex beforehand.
I’ve always felt that if the relationship is working well and both people are happy, marriage is just a title.
But that title has a risk attached to it (and thanks to “horror stories”, the news, movies, media, etc. most guys perceived that risk to be on the guy’s side only).
If the guy is having those kinds of fears, you might want to consider a prenuptial agreement.
If you believe that your marriage will be everlasting, there’s nothing to worry about.
In fact, that’s the point of the prenup: It gives both of you the ability to relax and never have to worry about anything ending horribly if things don’t work out.
Also, I think it would be in your best interest to relax and wait for him to propose marriage to you.
Forcing a ring on a guy won’t work out well.
Aside from him probably feeling insulted by the gesture, can you imagine if he did go for it?
Every time you have an argument he’d think back to how he felt coerced into marriage and pressured by you.
Marriage is a huge commitment for you and him.
If you get impatient, it’s going to block your ability to be empathetic and understanding towards him.
It’s OK if you’re feeling impatient at the moment, but I would highly encourage you to try and put your feelings aside for a moment and try to just appreciate him and empathize with where he is.
Then talk to him and let him know what’s been on your mind and how you feel.
Sharing your feelings with him is fine, but you want it to be from a place of love and understanding and not from a place of frustration and impatience.
Personally, my criteria for getting married is:
When I’m ready to start a family
When we’ve been together so long that I couldn’t imagine life without her there
When it really wouldn’t matter if we were married or not because it was clear neither one of us would leave
Other than those reasons (and I would need to have all 3 be true), I would not get married.
But that’s me.
Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date a girl long term to see where it goes, but unless I’m at a point where those conditions are all true for me, I wouldn’t marry yet.
It’s counter-intuitive, but focusing on marriage might actually be part of the problem here.
I would recommend shifting your focus away from getting married and put it on appreciating him and loving him more deeply.
You can’t force a man to marry you, but you certainly can inspire a man to…
Hope it helps.
– eric charles
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follow a new modeTop 15 Reasons Why Americans Love EnglandUpdated on October 23, 2013
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There seems to be a running trend nowadays among Americans. We are in love with England! It’s the British Invasion! Back in the ‘60s, the British Invasion meant The Beatles and The Rolling Stones, but to tell you the truth, the English never left. Americans, more than ever, are obsessed with England, English people, and English culture.If you think about history, an American’s love for England really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. America declared independence from England in 1776, and both countries fought for eight long years in the Revolutionary War. Several decades later, England and America clashed again in the War of 1812. In the first days of America’s independence, we were enemies with England. So why don’t Americans hate England?After the first fights with England, Americans and Britons became allies. We have fought side by side in World War I, World War II, and in the Middle East. We have been friends, committed to helping each other out. We have died for each other. So maybe our love of England does make sense after all.I can’t say for sure if Britons are in love with Americans, but Americans are enthralled by the English and their ways. Let’s look at the top fifteen reasons why Americans love England. These are from the perspective of an American, an American who confesses to a little fascination with a country she’s never been to.Top 15 Reasons 15) The Accent
British people can’t really help it. They just have the cutest accents! Of course, there are probably hundreds of English accents in the U.K., but the average American can’t tell the difference between them. Americans love to imitate an English accent. The British probably think that we sound like idiotic monkeys, but it really amuses us. I wonder, do English people try to imitate the American dialect?Why Can't the English Learn to Speak!Learn How to Imitate an English AccentwikiHow article about How to Speak in a British Accent.A Brit's Attempt at an American Accent...14) The Queen
English people have royalty! Although democracy is what this country is all about, Americans are simply fascinated by the royals. We all know that the queen doesn’t have any real power anymore, but for some reason England still keeps her on the throne. What she does there is a mystery to me. American girls have this dream: One day, you’ll find out you’re related to some rich royal personage – you’re really a princess, after all – and then you get to marry Prince William. Queen Elizabeth 2
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13)! Prince William
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12) The History
England is so rich with history. The country has been around for centuries and centuries. Some of England’s buildings are older than the constitution of the United States. England has existed so long, that its history has become the stuff of legends. England is the home of King Arthur and Robin Hood and Jack the Ripper, and fairies and dragons and dryads. History becomes Legend
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11) The Way of Life
Americans, in general, lead very busy lives. I’m sure English people are often the same way, but we like to view them as leading simple countrified lives. Drinking tea out of fine china every afternoon. Walking to the village church every Sunday. Gossiping with the neighbors (over a cup of tea, of course). Knitting by the open hearth. Watching Punch and Judy puppet shows.Country Church
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10) The Food
Crumpets, bangers, hot toddies, pasties. Many of us Americans don’t know what these really are, but they sure do sound delicious. How can English people eat
at teatime everyday and not get fat? A Hot Buttered Crumpet
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Bangers and Mash
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Cup of Tea
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Cornish Pasty
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&What is this made of???
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&9) The Thatched Roof
We like to think all British people live in thatched-roof cottages. Ivy grows along the plastered walls, and roses bedeck the walkways. Rosy-cheeked children wear britches and run around playing blind man’s buff (apparently, Americans get it all wrong when we say “blind man’s bluff”).
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8) The Little Cars
When we think out from under the thatched roof, we realize that English people actually own cars (don’t they just walk everywhere?). Except for the fact that the English drive on the WRONG side of the road, the English know a little bit about cars. English cars are so cool! Who wouldn’t want to drive a mini cooper around the streets of London?Classic Mini
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Bristol Blenheim
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Rolls Royce
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7) The Telephones
People in England must not own telephones. If they ever have to call someone, they run outside and use one of those bright red phone booths. At least, that's how it works in the movies.
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6) The Bond, James Bond
English people are classy. That is, they’re classy when they’re not living under a thatched roof. I’m beginning to think there must be two kinds of English people: the thatched-roof ones, and the classy James Bond ones.
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5) The Humor
Monty Python, Mr. Bean, Jeeves and Wooster, Punch and Judy. Americans think British humor is hilarious (except for maybe Punch and Judy. I’m still not sure what that’s about). But I have this lingering feeling that Americans aren’t laughing at the same things that the English are laughing at.Monty PythonA Bit of Fry and Laurie
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4) The Simon
Americans love Simon Cowell. He’s mean, blunt, arrogant, insolent, and insulting. What’s there not to love? And Americans don’t just love Simon Cowell, they love British judges on reality TV shows. There’s Piers Morgan and Sharon Osbourne on “America’s Got Talent”. There’s Nigel Lythgoe on “So You Think You Can Dance”. And there’s Len Goodman is “Dancing with the Stars”. You’d think that maybe there would be American judges on British reality television shows, but there aren’t. Apparently, America may have talent, but it doesn't have taste, whereas England boasts talent and taste. Oh, and by the way, there are no American nannies. Children only listen to nannies with British accents.
Americans also love watching BBC television. The very popular TV show “The Office” actually started in England on BBC. PBS’s Masterpiece Theater airs many BBC-produced shows. 3) The Drama
There are many very distinguished actors and actresses from England. Maybe it’s their accents, maybe it’s their poise, but in any case, Americans love to watch the English act.Audrey Hepburn
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Want to be like Audrey?Forget Atkins, South Beach, and Special K, Im going on the Audrey Hepburn Diet! Or I would if I were dieting. I can almost guarantee you that its the only diet...Sir Laurence Olivier
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Dame Judi Dench
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Kate Winslet
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Orlando Bloom
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2) The Music
As I mentioned before, Americans love British music. The British invasion gave us The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and The Who. Since then, the U.K. has shared with us the music of Sting, U2 (ok, so they’re Irish, same difference, but not really), Natasha Bedingfield, Leona Lewis, Amy Winehouse, Duffy, KT Tunstall (who’s Scottish), Coldplay, Snow Patrol, and my favorite, Keane.The Beatles
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public domain
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Natasha Bedingfield
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Kate Rusby
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Kate Rusby is a modern-day English folk singerIn a world where pop music is so often filled with insincere lyrics and unoriginal melodies, Kate Rusby brings old music to life in the musical world. Characterized as a folk singer, Rusby melds her own...For more on British music:One ot the top reasons Americans love England is the music. All you have to say is "The Beatles" and you'll know what I mean. England has produced some of the most popular music of our time. It all started...The Beatles were extremely popular during the 1960's British Invasion, and they remain popular still today. I sometimes wonder what made The Beatles so popular. Was it their youthfulness, their catchy songs,...1) The Literature
Now we come to my favorite part of English culture – the literature. England has given birth to some of the greatest writers in all of history. Who hasn’t enjoyed reading the works of William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, C.S. Lewis, JRR Tolkien, Agatha Christie, etc., etc. William Shakespeare
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Jane Austen
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Charles Dickens
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JRR Tolkien
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public domain
Agatha Christie
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British things:&&&English LiteratureThis play is about true vision.Those characters one would suppose are blind are t and those who have no physical blindness really cannot see a thing. In ancient Britain, when kingdoms...Though readers all over the world have enjoyed Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, many have not had the privilege of being exposed to her lesser-known novel, The Professor, which is deeply revealing in its depths...There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an but since dinner... the cold winter wind had brought with it clouds so...Howards End by E.M. Forster was originally published in 1910. The novel is set in Edwardian England and deals with the conflicts between social classes, developing an overall theme of humanism. As...One of the strongest female characters in English literature is Margaret Hale, the heroine of North and South, written by Elizabeth Gaskell. She may not have the wit of an Elizabeth Bennet, nor the...The Next TenEveryone seems to have their own reasons why they love England and all things British, from Portobello Road to the Beatles to Marmite. Anglophile that I am, fifteen reasons just isn't enough anymore! So here are another ten reasons to love England.Anglophiles Unite!This blog is inspired by all the great comments I've received on this hub. You all are the best!Don't forget the Irish!No matter how much Americans love England, we always keep plenty of room in our hearts for the love of Ireland. We have to - we practically are the Irish! It seems to me that everyone I run into holds claim to...
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