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A girl’s guide to sex myths
A girl’s guide to sex myths
Questions about sex?
It&s easy to be confused about sex. There are so many mixed messages and myths surrounding sex, it can be hard to know what&s true and what&s not. Before you decide to have sex, it&s important that you know the facts.
Here are some important facts about contraception, pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and having sex.
Is having too much sex bad for you?
Nope! But remember: it&s not a competition to see how many times you can have sex. Sex is about being intimate with someone you care about. If this isn&t your plan, then you might need to think about what sex means for you.
Is it possible that his penis won&t fit inside me?
The vagina is a muscle that can expand and contract. Under tension, it tightens and might need to be relaxed. The vagina can fit comfortably around the penis whatever its size. Just take your time, try to relax and use extra lubricant if you think it might help.
When I go to the bathroom after sex, my vagina stings. Is there something wrong with me?
Probably not. Sometimes the thrusting motion during sex can rub the outer lips of the vaginal area, making it sensitive when you are urinating. In some cases, burning when you go to the bathroom can indicate a bladder infection or urinary tract infection, so it&s important to have a check-up with a doctor if you&re concerned.
Does sex hurt?
Sometimes sex does feel uncomfortable. It could mean you don&t have enough lubrication or you need to try a different position. It could also mean your partner is going too fast, using too much pressure, or that you&re nervous. It could be a combination of all of these. If you&re hurting, stop and talk to your partner. Try some more lubrication, a different position or ask your partner to go slower. If that doesn&t help, then stop. Sex shouldn&t be painful. It&s important to talk to your partner about these issues and work out ways to make sex more comfortable. If you find that sex still hurts , you might want to go to your doctor to see if he/she can see if there is a medical reason for your pain.
Contraception
Will a condom protect me from sexually transmitted infections (STIs)?
A condom will protect you from some STIs, but not all of them. There are some STIs that can be transmitted by skin&to-skin contact, like genital warts, HPV and genital herpes and a
will not provide 100% protection against these. Check out the
fact sheet for more information.
I&ve heard that condoms don&t work, or fail too often to be worth using. Is this true?
While not having sex is the only foolproof way to avoid pregnancy, condoms are a safe bet and using a condom is much, much better than using nothing at all. It&s also important that a condom be placed on the penis properly to decrease the chance of breaking.
Can a condom get lost inside you?
If a condom comes off during sex, it won&t get lost inside, but sometimes it can be difficult to get out. It&s also important to make sure that after a guy has ejaculated, someone holds the base of the condom as he otherwise there is a chance the condom might fall off and spill semen into the vagina.
If a condom breaks during sex, can you avoid being pregnant by washing your vagina?
No. After sex, sperm have already entered the uterus (they&re fast swimmers), and washing the vagina won&t help. If you&ve had unprotected sex, a better solution might be to find out about . Emergency contraception is not hard to get, but you will need to contact a doctor, hospital, health clinic or sexual health center like Planned Parenthood, especially if you are under 18. While talking to one of these providers, you should also talk to them about taking a test for any STIs just in case you might have caught one.
If I&m on a birth control pill and I take a pregnancy test, will the results work properly?
A pregnancy test measures a hormone that is produced when conception occurs. This is a different hormone than the ones in the pill, so the pill won&t affect a pregnancy test.
If I&m on the pill and a guy ejaculates inside me, does that mean I won&t get pregnant?
The pill, if taken correctly, will prevent pregnancy but it won&t protect you from STIs. Also, be aware that if you&ve been vomiting, taking certain medications, or you&ve skipped taking the pill for a day, there is a chance the pill won&t protect you from getting pregnant.
Is there such a thing as a woman&s condom?
aren&t as readily available as men&s condoms. You might be able to find some at your local drug store, health center or .
Find out more about different methods of contraception and sign up for free reminders at .
Getting pregnant
If you have sex during your period, does that mean that you can&t get pregnant?
No. If you have a short period cycle, you&ll start ovulating by the end of your period. Combine that with the fact that sperm can survive for up to five or six days after sex, and you&ve got a recipe for pregnancy.
If I had unprotected sex but got my period since, does that mean I can&t be pregnant?
There have been cases where women continue to have their periods during their whole pregnancy. The only way to find out for sure is to have a urine or blood pregnancy test. You can buy a pregnancy test kit at a local drug store but it is always a good idea to have a doctor or nurse give you a test if you think you might be pregnant.
Is it true that a woman can get pregnant from swallowing sperm?
No. Sperm are mighty little swimmers, but if you swallow a guy&s semen, it can only go as far as the stomach where stomach acid will kill them. Even if the sperm did survive, there&s no way they can travel to the fallopian tubes or uterus from the stomach.
Is it true that a woman can only get pregnant during sexual intercourse?
No. It&s possible to get pregnant if a man ejaculates on or near the opening to the vagina because the sperm can enter the vagina and swim up the fallopian tubes where they can fertilize an egg.
Do I have to wait until I skip a period to tell if I&m pregnant?
You can tell if you&re pregnant as soon as 10 days after you&ve had sex by taking either a urine or blood pregnancy test.
If a guy withdraws before ejaculating, does that mean I won&t get pregnant?
Even if a guy doesn&t ejaculate inside you, there is a possibility that semen might dribble from the end of his penis into your vagina during sex and result in pregnancy. It is also possible for semen on the outside of the vagina to work its way inside a woman&s vagina as long as the sperm is fluid.
Can you get an abortion without telling your parents?
It depends on the laws of the state in which you live, or where you&re planning to get an abortion. Before you make any decisions regarding abortion, make sure you check out your local laws, or speak to a
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
How can you tell if a person has an STI?
A lot of STIs are asymptomatic, which means they don&t show any signs. You probably won&t be able to tell if a person has an STI just by looking at him or her. Sometimes people might not even know they are carrying an STI. The only way to be 100% sure is to have an STI screening and to keep the lines of communication open with your sexual partner. Before having sex, ask that person if he or she has been tested. Never assume anything.
Can love protect me from getting an STI?
No matter how much people love each other, there&s no guarantee against contracting an STI or getting pregnant. Don&t fall into the &it&ll never happen to me& type of thinking, either. Using condoms and being knowledgeable about STIs are your best protection.
If I&m on the pill, does that mean I won&t get an STI?
No. The pill will only protect you from pregnancy, not STIs.
If I get an STI, does that mean I&m dirty?
No. Getting an STI is just like getting a cold. You&ll go to the doctor, find out what treatments are available and maybe most important of all, give yourself piece of mind. Remember that sex is a natural part of human expression, and sometimes these things happen.
If you&re thinking about having sex for the first time, you might also want to check out the
fact sheet for more information.
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Get InvolvedPractical Dating Tips & Relationship Advice
How to Overcome and Abandon Jealousy
How to Overcome and Abandon Jealousy
Few qualities are more unattractive in a person and are unhealthy to a romantic relationship or even casual dating than jealousy. Jealousy leads to insecurity, anger, unfounded and unnecessary fights in relationships and painful break-ups for no good reason. Thus, learning how to overcome and abandon jealousy can be critical to having a good dating life and romantic relationships that last.
I remember asking one of my female classmates to go out dancing. We have been talking and studying together once in a while. She had a boyfriend and she knew I had a girlfriend. My behavior around her was not flirtatious or suggestive in any way and I was definitely not interested in her sexually. Also, we were going with a group of classmates so it wouldn’t just be me and her. In other words, there was no reason to suspect that I was romantically interested in her or that she will be in any kind of “bad” situation. Despite that, her response to my invitation to go dancing was very surprising to me. She told me that she couldn’t go because her boyfriend wouldn’t allow her to go to a club with anyone, unless he was coming as well, and he didn’t want to go. It wasn’t that I was the problem for her boyfriend. She couldn’t go out without him at all, even with her girlfriends. I was kind of shocked to hear that the guy was expecting that from his girlfriend and that she was actually ok with that.
There was so much I wanted to tell her about this, but I didn’t know where to start.
Jealousy is one of the worst poisons to any relationship. The devastating effects of jealousy are twofold: first, jealousy ruins good communication between people, causing a multitude of unfounded
secondly, jealousy conveys some of the most unattractive qualities in a jealous person such as lack of confidence and insecurity which are some of the biggest turn offs for both men and women.
Jealousy and irrational suspicion of your dating partner loyalty indicate insecurity in a person’s self-worth and lack of confidence in his ability to attract and keep a partner interested. A lover who suspects his partner of unfaithfulness without having real evidence of that will literally “terrorize” him by questioning and constantly treating him as a suspect of the crime of cheating. This is one of the reasons that overcoming jealousy is critical to both maintaining a good relationship and saving the one that’s one the brink of break up because of jealousy.
Ironically, we are more likely be jealous and let it adversely affect our behavior, if the relationship is otherwise great, and if we are particularly happy with our partner and know that the relationship we are in is great and isn’t easy to find or replace. Our jealousy and possessiveness is thus a side effect of our desire not to lose something that is special and very precious to us. And the more precious our partner is to us, the more carefully we guard him / her by being jealous. That concern and fear of loss of someone great and special leads us to over-protecting it. Being suspicious, showing lack of trust, and questioning your partner way too much about his whereabouts in an investigating manner cause unnecessary arguments and fights are all consequences of jealousy.
Don’t let this happen to you – don’t let your jealousy sabotage a good relationship.
If you believe that you subject your partner to jealousy for no rational reason, start working on overcoming it immediately. Eliminating jealousy is not a quick process. Jealousy is a trait of character, a frame of mind and an emotion. As such – getting rid of it is a gradual process that requires work, self-reflection, patience, and persistence. The good news is that the rewards of dealing with and overcoming jealousy will likely keep you free of jealousy for the rest of your life and will make your future relationships much more successful and much less likely to fall apart because of your possessiveness and tendency to be too controlling.
So, what are the steps that you can take to deal with and overcome jealousy and possessiveness?
The first and the most important step in dealing with jealousy is, like with many other issues is recognizing that you have a problem and admitting it to yourself and to your partner. Most people who have jealousy issues are in denial and refuse to admit that their behavior and perception are irrational and their lack of trust is unsubstantiated by any real facts. Recognizing that you have a problem is essential to your motivation to work on it and to your success in overcoming jealousy. Once you have passed this crucial first step and have recognized that you are jealous, I suggest that you adopt the following, proven-to-be-effective beliefs. These beliefs will gradually eliminate your jealousy and all of its manifestations:
Become aware and accept the fact that whether you trust the person you are with or not, whether you question his actions or not, and whether you “spy” on him has no positive effect on his behavior and faithfulness. If a man or a woman wants to cheat, he / she will find a way to cheat, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. So, stop it! Stop assuming the worst about him. Stop wondering where he is and what he is doing at any given moment! Learn
with your partner. It will not do any good to either you or him. Assume the best about your partner and his faithfulness to you until and unless you have real reasons to believe otherwise, because there are simply no better options.
Keep in mind that the only reason, the only thing that keeps your partner around you is his desire to be with you. Nothing else keeps either of you near each other, and certainly not your jealousy. And his desire to be with you comes not from your pressure to be together, not from your being jealous or your attempts to convince him to be faithful to you, but from your other qualities that make you attractive and desirable to your partner. Your efforts to keep your partner have no positive effect on your relationship. If anything, it might put excess pressure on that person – something that no one enjoys and tolerates for very long. Remember that the best “leash” is the loose one or even better – a total absence thereof.
To remove your mind from jealous thoughts, become a little more selfish. Spend more of your time and your emotional and intellectual resources on building yourself as an individual rather than perceiving yourself as part of the relationship. Work on your career and your other goals. Take a class in a field that you have an interest in, learn a new language, engage in a form of creative art, take a dance class, and do anything else that you have or might have an interest in, so that there is more to your life than just that relationship, and so that your life does not revolve around any given person and his faithfulness to you. Pursuing other objectives of your life will prevent you from obsessing over your partner and will keep you in a much healthier emotional state, free of jealousy.
By getting rid of jealousy, you will exhibit some of the most attractive qualities in you. You will show your confidence in yourself and in your ability to attract the other person and maintain his exclusive romantic interest in you without doing it with force. You will affirm your value as a wise person. Don’t miss out on such an easy way to demonstrate those great qualities by rising above jealousy.
Remember, there is no insurance policy for maintaining any relationship. Any relationship can fall apart at any time, however stable and long lasting it has been so far. Just look around – 20-year and longer marriages fall apart every day for all kinds of reasons. I don’t mean to say this to be negative or cynical about life or to make you even more skeptical about love and loyalty. And, this doesn’t mean that you have to expect the worst, but it does mean that you have to recognize that to a large extent, any relationship is inherently unpredictable. Whether you are casually dating someone or are married, whether you have been together for one month or twenty years, it’s possible that your relationship will end at any time for a hundred possible reasons.And jealousy certainly won’t help make any relationship more stable.
What does this mean to you?
This means that you should enjoy and appreciate your relationships as long as they last. At the same time you should accept and embrace the possibility that any such relationship might be over one day. And if it is, it will be tough to deal with, especially if you really, really like someone, but you will always get over it with time. It will not be the end of the world for you. Your duty is being the best you can be in a relationship that you want to have. The rest is not up to you. The rest depends on your partner and you have no control over it. And, whatever you have no control over, should not concern you or be a cause of your anxieties.
As you are successfully fighting and overcoming jealousy, you will start experiencing tremendous freedom. This is the kind of freedom where you enjoy your love life without the taxing pain of constant jealousy and insecurity and the pleasure of giving your partner a better, wiser, stronger, and happier you! Once your partner feels more free and less restricted by your jealousy, he will likely find you more attractive. No one really enjoys being on a tight leash.
Despite all the negative things that can be said about jealousy, it seems that this emotion is part of human nature. For hundreds or even thousands of years jealousy and desire for revenge lead to murders, wars, and other smaller-scale conflicts. Perhaps accepting that we are all prone to jealousy to some extent is an important step toward knowing how to handle it and how to not let it negatively affect your personal, professional and romantic life. After all, being jealous of a co-worker who was promoted over you is just as bad as being jealous of your dating partner or that other person who managed to attract the one you wanted to be with.
Once you free yourself of jealousy, you will come across as a far more confident person who is much more fun to be around.
It’s possible that your partner might be used to seeing more jealousy in general or from you specifically, and he might mistake your non-jealous ways for not caring. If that’s the case, you should remind your partner that the reason you are not jealous is because you do care but you also have trust in him, and you realize that jealousy doesn’t do any good. After all, it cannot prevent any problems if they are otherwise bound to happened.
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