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This community is a place to share information and support with others who are trying to stop using drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, tobacco or other addictive substances. Discuss with others, the symptoms of addiction, addiction recovery, ways to quit like tapering and cold turkey, and withdrawal symptoms. If you are interested in general "chat", please visit our .
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Mar 12, 2008
THE ONES THAT LOVE YOU...
i dont post very much anymore...but i do continue to read.&&for those of you who dont know me...i am on the other side of addiction.&&i am the mother of three addicts...and i have been on this forum for over a year.
there seems to be quite a bit of posts lately about &my side&...the other side.&&some members here are going through some tough times with the people that love them the most...the ones that they love with all their heart.
i'm asking all of you to please read these ppl's posts.&&i hope that maybe it will truly open your eyes to what addiction does to your family.&&while you are hiding from life...we are towing the line.&&while you are escaping from life...we are the ones who are taking care of things.&&while you seem to put your doc above everyone and everything else...we are the ones who are feeling the rejection....the ones who are taking a backseat to your drug.
my heart is going out to these ppl who are feeling and suffering from the consequences of their actions.&&addiction is a horrible disease...and i pray that all of you will fight like hell...do WHATEVER it takes...commit yourself to sobriety and recovery.&&i pray that you will do this before the ppl that love you the most...give up!
peace,
kim (lizzie lou)
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Mar 12, 2008
Very good point. I have been reading them and it has put things into perspective for me. I agree with you that we should read them!!
Mar 12, 2008
Good to hear your point of view. I have missed seeing you post. You have made some good points. Addiction is a selfish thing.
Mar 12, 2008
great post..when we r using we dont think about the people who truly love us the most..i hurt my mom so much and really didnt realize how she felt till i got on here and read alot of your posts and i wanna say thank you from the bottom of my heart for that insight.....my mom and i r still working on things but i feel it will get so much better...she doesnt trust me.....and i dont blame her ....nothing i can say will make her trust me..i have to prove it..... right?....well lizzie i love ya and hope al is well with your kids..i know u worry so much......love u and god bless u .....u r a true angel......
Mar 12, 2008
i have put my family thru hell ,and still choose drugs over them. i had kids, and still couldnt get clean. i lived a life of gangs, drugs, and alcohol, and lived off the prayers of others. today i am living off my prayers, and making my family happy again. I WILL fight, every minute of every day, because the alternative is not acceptable. i would like to say, im sorry&&that like my mother, you had to go thru that too. thanx for the post, and much love..
Mar 12, 2008
Oh, Lizzie Lou, I have been on both sides of addiction.&&My sister was an alcoholic and it ripped my family and my marraige apart.&&We are all trying to repair the damage since her death a year and a half ago.&&
Now, I find myself here....53 days clean! But, Still an addict.&&How can that happen when I saw what her addiction did to everyone around her?&&
It is a strong, hateful disease.
I never understood addiction until I had one.&&Even now, I dont understand it. I just know how strong it is and how horrible it is.&&
My heart goes out to every person here and all of thier families.&&
Thank you for your heartfelt post.&&It is good for everyone to know how this affects everyone around us.&&It gives me inspiration to want to stay clean and keep my family together, happy and healthy.
You are such a love!
Mar 12, 2008
Girl-----When i first came her as the &addict& i guess i could say i did see you side , but not as much as i should of.
you have helped me the whole time i have been here, 1 yr!!&& And now boy things have changed, now i am and addict with a daughter who is now in rehab..
Being on both sides hurts so much......
Kim- thanks for being there for me, especially, newmangement, gizzy, ibkleen etc..
This is really hard for me....i never thought i would be on the other side..
dang, i have been clean for 6 months, and now, i have a daughter i thought i would see the signs and i missed them....WTF???&&SO now what
addict mom/ addict daugher
sorry guys not like me but really pissed at myself and feeling really down
went to see her today...
r2r
Mar 12, 2008
r2r.....You know addicts are really smart.&&We can lie...and hide things......sometimes the people who know us the best are the ones who just dont see it.&&Be kind to yourself.&& You are very focused on being clean and that is where you should be.&&
Now, you can be what your daughter needs of you.&&You now first hand what she is going thru and you will be an amazing support for her.&&It happened like this for a reason.&&No mistakes here.&&You will both come out of this closer, more aware and much closer!&&She is so lucky to have you!
Mar 12, 2008
thanks, i really needed to hear that...I am really having a hard time with this....I just never thought i would have to go throught his with my kids....I thought&&they knew better...u know??
But look at me that is the hard part?
we always worry about our kids, but this hit fast, dang
thanks
r2r
Mar 12, 2008
You just be good to yourself.&&You are no good to anyone if you are not good to you.&&
None of us know better.....It just smacks us right in the A$$!!!!&&We are all better people in the end.&&You and your daughter will be just amazing with each day that passes!
Mar 12, 2008
i hope u are right.....GOD thanks to this forum i have not used .....I mean this...I do think i can understand her better then anyone, still so hard ..
but as long as i stay here with you all, i will make it
r2r
you all are the best!!
Mar 12, 2008
liz i am seeing what it does and feeling what i can lose...you are right...i maintained(closet big time) but when the bottom fell out it hurt the person i would die for.....it was not a slow angonizing torture but an explossion of shock,horror and dismay....blew her freakin mind,,,she suspected that i had continued using after telling her i had a mild problem but then i lied and weaseled so that i was not discovered for the addict i was(am)....then when it came out,,,,,boy,,,it came out,,,,,,it is my main regret,,,only one really ..the last person i would ever hurt,lie or cheat on was and is still destroyed inside,,,not by addiction but what it made me and the lies she has figured out..what is truth and what is lies is a big problem now and i also know that it all effects her in the finance department...well every aspect of life has changed due to drugs,,,,if i could have seen this while i was a raging oxy morron,,,,you know like one moment of clarity and in that moment i see what it or is or is going to do to what we have i would have stopped and hit a detox,,,,screw pride,,,that's all i have to say about that
Mar 12, 2008
GREAT POST...I feel the same way!!!!
r2r
Mar 12, 2008
Great post Lizzie...thanks for the insight.....how true!!!
r2r......hang in there ......you are not responsible for your daughters choices..and just continue to be a positive influence and support in her life...my kids are only 9 and 13 ....and i often wonder where they will be in 5-10 yrs...it's scary...but all i can do is be a good role model...TODAY!!!!
...parenting is sooo hard sometimes..
(((BIG HUGS))) to all
Mar 12, 2008
thanks.,&&It is so hard to be on that side then the other...But i never thought like everyone,&&that my kid would do this...i can remember when they were young , never didi think , omg&&this is so hard...they grow up so fast...
god bless everyone you all
r2r
Mar 12, 2008
lizzie, your insights are truly priceless.
thank you
cathy
Mar 13, 2008
Lizzie R2R and all
What a great post thank you Lizzie. I'm so thankful my husband stepped in and helped me take back control of my life. I feel I am beating this addiction and I realize it's a disease but it's a disease I chose. That makes me have the guilt that I &chose pills& so many times over my husband and boys. I know that I have to stay on track for the people that love me and depend on me and because I want this life I have now. I can NEVER choose anything over my family again. I think it is good for me to read and see how much addiction hurts the ones who love us most. It prevents me from ever turning back.
R2R, I know as mothers we carry so much guilt for our children. I have a 17 year old and I have come to realize through all my craziness I still did the best I could for him. He has been given every oportunity in life. If he chooses to make bad decisions in life we cannot beat ourselves up over it. I'm so sorry your daughter has gone down this path of addiction. We pray and hope that they will never make the bad choices we have made but sometimes there is nothing we can do about it. I know as a mom it is horrible to see my son make bad decisions but he does know better and when he makes a bad decision he has to pay the consequences of it. I can't blame myself or my addiction for everything. I know it's easier said than done for us moms but I can't carry this guilt forever. My father was an alcoholic but I don't blame him for my mistakes and your daughter will never blame you. I hope through your experience you will be able to help her.
Mar 13, 2008
I wish you would post more.....I miss you terribly and you really DO have a lot of great insight! We need to hear it from your perspective to remind us of what we have to lose if we don't keep trying to overcome!&&You have been a great asset here so please, keep giving us the kick in the butt that we need!
Slightly off the subject...my son Nick (I told you a little about his issues) is meeting with the Youth Aid Panel in about three weeks...He's been really conscientous about school and helping around the house.....but I am constantly smelling his breath, clothes and searching through his room....how can I ever trust him again? Is that possible?&&I need you to keep reminding me that I need to be tough on him because I feel myself feeling guilty for this....I guess I feel like a hippocrit due to the fact that I'm an addict?
R2R....I feel like you in that I should have seen this coming a mile away!&&Then I remembered how I hid my addiction for so long! We are all so cunning and manipulative which is why I don't think I can ever trust my son completely again!&&My prayers go out to you and your daughter!&&
Peace
Marcie
Mar 13, 2008
hey girlie...i do miss posting.&&it seems that i always start reading again when the forum is in the downside of it's normal cycle...kind of out with the old and in with the new...lol.&&i just dont feel like doing battle with the denialists anymore, ya know?&&oh believe you me...i could say alot...but not everyone likes to hear what i have to say :)
soooooooooooooo...about the trust issue.&&wow...i wish i had the answer to that one.&&i think that is the single one thing that is the hardest to do.&&it was &triple& hard for me because just when i was starting to feel comfortable with trusting one son...one of the others was mucking up again.&&i'm sorry to say but when one messed up...my feelings snowballed and i was p1ssed at everyone!&&there were a few years there that i always either had someone in jail or rehab...one right after another.&&i often wished that they could all &do time& at the same time...just so that i could breathe.
i've got alot of &bad blood& is this wacky family of mine...lol.&&addiction and depression runs rampant...thankfully skipping my parents and myself.&&i have always struggled with the guilt of passing this along to my sons.&&i have often stated that if i had known how genetics plays a part in all of this...i would have NEVER had children.&&i still feel this way!
your son needs to understand that it was his actions that made you mistrust him...and if he cant do that...then oh well...hate it for him! ! !&&dont ever forget that our job is to be their parents...not their friends.&&friendship will come later in life :)&&all we can do is to do the best that we can, ya know?&&ultimately the choice it theirs.
i am well aware of the fact that i can be long winded...lol...so i will close here (clapping from the audience).&&i am always here for you sweetie...i know that you know that :)&&
Mar 13, 2008
thank you Lizzie lou
and r2r, I know how you are feeling, my daughter was addicted at age 16 I was in nursing school how did I miss the signs and symptoms?&&Was I too busy?&&YES I finally saw it and got her help.&&She stayed clean a while and then went back again and again we did the aa/na and tough love but still didnt stop the relapses, she refused to give up the crowd she called friends.&&My babygirl has been gone 2 yrs and 6 months on the 19th.&&I miss her so much everyday of my life, and yes I still blame myself for not seeing the signs.&&Go hug your daughter and tell her you understand and will work on it together!&&I know she knows how very much you love her.&&And no I wasnt an addict then and now am on the other side but way too late to encourage and help her.&&I go to the cemetary every chance I get but that only depresses me and I realize now she isnt there anymore she lives in my heart.&&Take care of you and your babygirl!
HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
swtbreezie
Mar 13, 2008
OH GOD I am in tears, my heart goes out to you and it brought back memories I thought I had forgotten.&&Thank you for reminding me, not a day goes by I don't see her lovely face by just closing my eyes, BUT I cant reach out and touch her as you can and as I soooooo wish I could.&&I can hear her sweet voice because I have a recording on here I am listening to and boohooing like a baby..&&Please give your sweet daughter a hug for me too.
God Bless
swtbreezie
Mar 13, 2008
There is a difference between being an addict,
and being a RECOVERING addict.....
To all you parents who are beating yourselves up....if you are RECOVERING....(meetings, counseling, some kind of support group,etc.)..you are showing your children the other side....and that there is hope in life..and that we have a CHOICE in how we want to live...
HUGS TO ALL YOU GREAT PARENTS OUT THERE!!!!
Mar 13, 2008
Dang--- u just made me feel 100 % better...I am soso sorry for your loss...And now i feel selfish because she is still with me..
I will give her a great big hug, and from you too!!
you are truly a great friend, and person!!
thanks for making me see things differently....
god bless you sweetie
r2r
Mar 13, 2008
all i can say is thank you very much for all you do hun!!!
much love,
Mar 14, 2008
Hi....I just read your post....I am so sorry for your loss.....I didn't realize that you lost a daughter to this!&&My heart aches when I hear something like this.&&I don't know your&&story but it sounds like you are dealing as best you can.&&Again, my truly deepest sympathy to you!&&I am so afraid to lose my son to drugs, I hate that I can't control who is &Friends& are....I used to know them all, now they pass through my home and I barely know their names....I have told my son I do not want them here when my little ones are around but I want to see who he is hanging with.....
I think you are very brave and just from reading some ofyour posts I see a lot of kindness and compassion.
Thanks and Peace to you!
Mar 14, 2008
(((((((((((((R2R)))))))))))&&thanks Marce, yes I know my daughter was using but she passed right when hurricane rita was coming, a month and a half after her dad passed away so they lost the autopsy report and all I got was atrial fibrillation and cardia arrest (I'm sure attributed to drugs)&&but glad she wasnt stuck with the stigma of OD&&my story is pretty much in my journals.&&I am better, and trying to go on with my life Clean and sober.
hugzz everyone and thanks Lizzie for a wonderful post.
swtbreezie
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