《加拿大留学管理专业个人陈述范文》
加拿大留学管理专业个人陈述范文
加拿大留学管理专业个人陈述范文I would like to apply to do a Management degree. Having acted as Managing Director on a Young Enterprise Team whilst doing my ‘AS’ levels, I came up with innovative ideas that made a very successful company. Having held management positions within Human Resources, Operations, and Finance, I quickly realised that pursuing a management degree at university would be ideal for me.After my GCSE’s, I held a temporary job as a junior in an Insolvency practice, in order to gain work experience. Having to work to tight deadlines taught me how to work independently as part of a professional team. I learnt that in business, if one person lacks productivity, then everyone else can suffer, and also how to motivate others as a means of preventing such issues. I used the skills learnt to enhance my role as the Managing Director of my young Enterprise company, particularly methods of motivation and delegation, and the significance of being accountable for others. Having spent nearly three years working part time in a Health food shop alongside my studies, I developed my communication skills, with both colleagues and customers, and proved to be a trustworthy employee.Being appointed as Deputy Head Boy in the sixth form was a great honour to me. My skills were greatly enhanced by holding this position, as I would often have to listen, and respond to issues brought up by fellow prefects, and students lower down the school. Through activities such as Lunch duty, I learnt the worth of different leadership skills, and that it is important to treat everyone as an individual in order to get results. I was always keen to stay into the evening to help out at school events.Socialising is very important to me, and I am always keen to meet new people. I enjoy trying new foods to increase my knowledge of different cultures, and my culinary skills will prove very useful in independent university life. I enjoy travelling, and learning about modern history. Having recently returned from Prague, I visited a concentration camp. This was a moving experience for me, and something I will never forget. Music is one of my biggest hobbies, and I use music to help me unwind and reflect on things. I use the internet to keep up with current affairs and sports news.I have always been a keen sportsman, representing my school in many sporting activities. I enjoy running, particularly competing in sprint races, but also long distance running as a means of keeping fit. I always try to go for a run every evening, during breaks between my A Level studies. I represented my school as a keen member of the district and Maccabi Great Britain athletics teams, particularly in the relay. I formally played tennis and table tennis in national competitions, and more recently I have played in football, rugby, and cricket leagues outside of school.I believe that my experiences have prepared me for independent university life. My social skills together with my ambition to succeed in life prove me to be good candidate for a Management Degree.太傻加拿大留学：本文由()首发，转载请保留网址和出处！
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这是小的自己针对UBC的统计系master写的第一版PS，恳求大家尽情地提出意见呀~~以前看过另外一位同学有发过类似的帖子，看见大家都回复了好多非常有建设性的意见！求不要手下留情~~~
I am applying the Master of Science in Statistics in the University of British Columbia (UBC). I am ready to be a postgraduate since I have developed excellent skills related to the academic researches during my undergraduate, especially during the one year when I was studying in the University of Manchester as an exchange student. Furthermore, because learning statistics certainly needs some knowledge of other subjects such as biology, my mixed background involved maths, physics and biology is also helpful for mu future study in statistics. Finally, I have completed 73.5 hours of volunteering work in Manchester Leadership Programme (MLP), by which I have developed many skills, such as Team-working skills, Time-management skills and Problem-solving skills.
My experience of studying abroad in UK for one year motivates me significantly to pursue a postgraduate degree in the future. From August 2014 to June 2015, I have been studying in The University of Manchester, UK with major of mathematics. During that period, I was living with 7 master students from Manchester University in a university accommodation, hence I have come to know deeply about the researches of postgraduates within this year. One of my flatmate, majoring in material science, went to his laboratory every morning and came back at about 8pm. I am attracted towards this kind of hard-working and regular life.
Furthermore, I have developed my academic skills, such as writing a critique, giving a presentation, making a summary and using Harvard referencing system, from English courses offered by Manchester University. For instance, in the course “English for Academic Purpose”, we students were asked to look for a journal article by ourselves, then to find the weakness in this article such as validity, references and logicality, finally to write a critique towards this article. From this process, I have been familiar with the work that postgraduates need to do. And also, to be critical thinking always pops into my heads whenever I am reading others’ papers.
Moreover, in terms of the specific subject, I am quite interested in Statistics. I have attended a seminar hosted by Prof Pan Jianxin in Manchester University. The audiences consist of staffs from NHS (National Health Service), PhD students and some interested undergraduates. During the seminar, I saw how powerful statistics is --- predicting the incidence of a disease in a region, suggesting appropriate precautions of a disease, etc. After this seminar, I am sticking to the plan to acquire more professional knowledge of statistics.
However, what mostly makes me different with other candidates is my mixed academic background, involving maths, physics and biology. I am from Wendian College in Anhui University (211 programme, China), an experimental college focusing on fundamental sciences, like the Yuanpei College in Peking University. Students in my college have to study all the maths, physics, chemistry and biology in their first two years, and then choose their major in the third year. It is reasonable to doubt the depth of courses we were learning. In fact, we were all studying in a very heavy way and being much more stressful than the normal students. And also, in order to be more professional in statistics, I have attended various online courses on Coursera and NPTEL (The National Programme for Technical Enhanced Learning, India), and then earned four certificates (with distinction) from them.
In addition to the academic skills such as writing, giving presentation and critical-thinking, I haved also developed my personal skills from volunteering works in the UK. I was a member of Manchester Leadership Programme (MLP), which aims to develop problem-solving skills, teamwork skills, decision-making skills, etc. These skills are developed by completing various MLP Challenges and MLP Projects.
The most impressive MLP project I have ever done is named “Design a Garden for St. Josephs Primary School”. Firstly, we four volunteers had a meeting with the school council, consisting of all primary students. During this meeting we discussed the designing of the garden with the students and then collected their fantastic ideas. I think my most important achievement in this project was letting these ideas come to be real. After making the design on paper, we recruited some temporary volunteers to do the cleaning up. Finally, with the help of staffs in the school, we made an admirable garden for those lovely children.
From this project, I have learned how to look for information online, how to structure children’s ideas into some doable tasks, and how to ask others’ help, such as other volunteers and primary school staffs, when confronted with unsolvable problems.
As one of the best renowned universities in Canada, the University of British Columbia is ideal for me graduate study. Your Department of Statistics offers the students a wide range of options for courses selection and career development. The students are even flexible to choose to do a thesis, a final project or a full-time internship outside the department. Also, the statistical consulting service ran by your own graduate students is pretty attracting for me, making me keen to study in the fantastic university.
Consequently, after my academic skills built up, personal skills developed, and interests about statistics improved, I am ready to be a postgraduate majoring in statistics now. I am looking forward to the postgraduate life, and I believe great efforts deserve great successes.
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我提几点比较harsh的建议吧，dont take it personal
1，第一句话已经有很低级的语法错误，而且整篇语法、语句结构有待加强
2，有点太长，认真读了20秒也没有看到什么亮点所以后面的也就随便扫一下
3，team-work skills，读literature的能力这些我建议就不要说了...国外本科这些技能和吃饭喝水技能一样，找工作在CV里说自己会吃饭也是没有什么用的....
精简、突出亮点就行了
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嗯。。太啰嗦太长了。而且每个句子都太长了，一点都不精简。
元培实验班的类比的那段我不确定对方能看懂。。而且赶脚没有写的必要。
study in a heavy way也觉得怪怪的。。。说自己workload大就好了。还有些类似这样的很奇怪的表达。
“...the University of British Columbia is ideal for me graduate study.” 像这种for me (my) graduate study，多检查一下，小错误有点多。
只是随意说了几个小点。
赶脚问题比较大的是，没有重点，也没有亮点。结构内容多改改。
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1.感觉这篇PS太长，很多地方其实可以精简，建议最好能控制在正常行距字体两页以内。
2.没亮点，像是拉长版的简历。
3.这不像是专门给UBC写的PS，只有倒数第二段简略陈述了想去UBC的几点理由，然而这些理由也比较general，不是非常的有信服力。
4. 逻辑上很多地方有些牵强。比如第二段的hook，对研究生产生兴趣是因为和研究生一起住过，看到他们早起晚归。这个理由没有足够的信服力。
5. 结构混乱, 通篇阅读下来，无法很好的理解这篇PS是按照怎样的纲要组织书写的，读起来思路比较跳，也比较杂。
6. 楼主通篇很强调去UK的经历，然而PS中重点着墨这段经历的收获却是 presentation、personal skills、MLP这些与专业背景无强关联的软技能，以至于这篇PS专业背景表现不足，软技能突出过多。
个人经验，针对以上几点给些建议：
1把文章内容按照经历进行整合，一段经历集中在一起写。比如去UK的这段经历，楼主其实可以尝试提取这段经历中的一两个想表达的点，然后放在一段或连续的两段进行书写
2. 删减一些没有实质意义的前缀，每段第一句直接点出本段表达的Thesis：比如删去“In addition to the academic skills such as writing, giving presentation and critical-thinking,” 直接表达“I haved also developed my personal skills from volunteering works in the UK. ”
3.感觉PS比较像长简历是比较需要修改的一点。PS和简历都是在展示自己，但是它们最重要的一个区别就是简历展示的是一个基于事实经历掌握若干技能的客观的你，然而PS可以展示一个基于事实经历有了若干兴趣动机看法见解的你。看到不同了吗？举个例子，楼主可以尝试挖掘一些内在的，自己对申请学科的一些感触见解，尝试将这些感触与自己的一些经历结合起来，阐述自己为何对这门学科产生兴趣，对这门学科的哪些内容产生怎样的兴趣，以及自己对这些内容的一些见解，疑问，以及相应的设想的解决方案。
其次，PS和简历另一点不同，就是PS需要一个主题，它不是简单的经历罗列，经历仅仅是用来表达PS的主题。举个例子，PS以“我为什么想上UBC，并且我为什么能够上UBC”为主旋律，就要按照一定的结构大纲进行表达阐述。举个例子： ”为什么想研究statistic“（UK seminar产生兴趣blablalbla）-》”我做了哪些准备（刻苦学习，去实验室，积累项目经历blablabla）-》“为什么想上UBC”（UBC这些老师的项目组正好研究相关的东西！UBC很适合我！blablabla）-》“我能够上UBC”（强调自己能力，项目研究技能，适应性，软技能等等）注意书写时一定要精简干练，次重点要排列有序，专业背景技能收获&软技能体现。
4.尽量避免PS通用化，要让学校感觉你这篇PS是真的为他们而写的，你的申请态度是很真诚不是敷衍的。这跟追妹子其实是一个道理，除了夸学校好以外，更重要的是体现出“合适”，为什么这所学校match你，为什么你match这所学校，表达出你需要这所学校以及这所学校需要你。要给出有力的理由，口头上一句“attractive”是不够的。举一个例子，PS前面铺垫好对这门学科哪些内容的兴趣，然后提出UBC有哪些老师的项目组正在做相关的研究，表达出对这些研究的强烈兴趣，同时展示自己对从事这些研究目前所具备的能力和正在做的准备。
5.细节用词和用句还有很多毛病，不过既然楼主大框架都不是最好的状态，建议可以等大框架定好后再进行细致润色，到时可以考虑找个老外或者英文比较厉害的朋友帮忙修改。
6.自己写PS的确很痛苦，这个深有体会。一个经验就是写完草稿后可以多看看别人的PS是怎样写的，看看有没有可以借鉴的表达方式、组织结构等，拿过来套用。推荐个网站： ，有很多写好的有点评的文书，多读读。我当时写PS时从这里面借鉴了许多东西。
7. 楼主加油！
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你的统计背景呢。。。完全没写的感觉。。。你的potential research interest呢 是哪个方向呢。。。也没写。。。。。
你的skill 能不能写的具体一点 比如统计专业看重computer language skill:R, SAS 之类的也完全没看见
既然你major math。。。 至少像real analysis之类的课可以提一下啊， 统计背景上过哪些东西之类的提一下啊
无关紧要的东西少写
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CharlesZhuoChen 发表于
1.感觉这篇PS太长，很多地方其实可以精简，建议最好能控制在正常行距字体两页以内。
2.没亮点，像是拉长版的简历。
3.这不像是专门给UBC写的PS，只有倒数第二段简略陈述了想去UBC的几点理由，然而这些理由也比较general，不是非常的有信服力。
4. 逻辑上很多地方有些牵强。比如第二段的hook，对研究生产生兴趣是因为和研究生一起住过，看到他们早起晚归。这个理由没有足够的信服力。
5. 结构混乱, 通篇阅读下来，无法很好的理解这篇PS是按照怎样的纲要组织书写的，读起来思路比较跳，也比较杂。
6. 楼主通篇很强调去UK的经历，然而PS中重点着墨这段经历的收获却是 presentation、personal skills、MLP这些与专业背景无强关联的软技能，以至于这篇PS专业背景表现不足，软技能突出过多。
个人经验，针对以上几点给些建议：
1把文章内容按照经历进行整合，一段经历集中在一起写。比如去UK的这段经历，楼主其实可以尝试提取这段经历中的一两个想表达的点，然后放在一段或连续的两段进行书写
2. 删减一些没有实质意义的前缀，每段第一句直接点出本段表达的Thesis：比如删去“In addition to the academic skills such as writing, giving presentation and critical-thinking,” 直接表达“I haved also developed my personal skills from volunteering works in the UK. ”
3.感觉PS比较像长简历是比较需要修改的一点。PS和简历都是在展示自己，但是它们最重要的一个区别就是简历展示的是一个基于事实经历掌握若干技能的客观的你，然而PS可以展示一个基于事实经历有了若干兴趣动机看法见解的你。看到不同了吗？举个例子，楼主可以尝试挖掘一些内在的，自己对申请学科的一些感触见解，尝试将这些感触与自己的一些经历结合起来，阐述自己为何对这门学科产生兴趣，对这门学科的哪些内容产生怎样的兴趣，以及自己对这些内容的一些见解，疑问，以及相应的设想的解决方案。
其次，PS和简历另一点不同，就是PS需要一个主题，它不是简单的经历罗列，经历仅仅是用来表达PS的主题。举个例子，PS以“我为什么想上UBC，并且我为什么能够上UBC”为主旋律，就要按照一定的结构大纲进行表达阐述。举个例子： ”为什么想研究statistic“（UK seminar产生兴趣blablalbla）-》”我做了哪些准备（刻苦学习，去实验室，积累项目经历blablabla）-》“为什么想上UBC”（UBC这些老师的项目组正好研究相关的东西！UBC很适合我！blablabla）-》“我能够上UBC”（强调自己能力，项目研究技能，适应性，软技能等等）注意书写时一定要精简干练，次重点要排列有序，专业背景技能收获&软技能体现。
4.尽量避免PS通用化，要让学校感觉你这篇PS是真的为他们而写的，你的申请态度是很真诚不是敷衍的。这跟追妹子其实是一个道理，除了夸学校好以外，更重要的是体现出“合适”，为什么这所学校match你，为什么你match这所学校，表达出你需要这所学校以及这所学校需要你。要给出有力的理由，口头上一句“attractive”是不够的。举一个例子，PS前面铺垫好对这门学科哪些内容的兴趣，然后提出UBC有哪些老师的项目组正在做相关的研究，表达出对这些研究的强烈兴趣，同时展示自己对从事这些研究目前所具备的能力和正在做的准备。
5.细节用词和用句还有很多毛病，不过既然楼主大框架都不是最好的状态，建议可以等大框架定好后再进行细致润色，到时可以考虑找个老外或者英文比较厉害的朋友帮忙修改。
6.自己写PS的确很痛苦，这个深有体会。一个经验就是写完草稿后可以多看看别人的PS是怎样写的，看看有没有可以借鉴的表达方式、组织结构等，拿过来套用。推荐个网站： ，有很多写好的有点评的文书，多读读。我当时写PS时从这里面借鉴了许多东西。
7. 楼主加油！手动膜拜。。。
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楼主，第一版ps一般都有很多问题，所以我就不吝啬的指出来啦。首先说实话，我根本就不会仔细看。
这不是写自传或者写日记：不需要 furthermore——moreover——however——in addition to——consequently.
我的建议：
同一性质的东西归一块，一句话概括掉，最吸引人的东西详写。开头要吸引人。你可以这样想，如果一篇文章，第一句话不吸引你，没关系，你试着看完第一段。第一段不吸引你，你会接着看第二段。如果第二段还是一样平淡，你会继续看第三段吗。
记住这个原则，至于写法，因人而异，各取所需。细节问题，反复修改，关键的一步，先确定文章结构。
BTW,敢于po自己的第一稿是需要勇气的。至少我当时没敢这么做，版里大神那么多，每个人的建议肯定都不错，总结一下，然后根据自己的思路，开始漫长的ps修改之路。
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carryoffer 发表于
楼主，第一版ps一般都有很多问题，所以我就不吝啬的指出来啦。首先说实话，我根本就不会仔细看。
这不是写 ...
嗯嗯~非常感谢您的建议哈~我接下来会按照您的建议再进行修改的，再次感谢~~~
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vancouvernick 发表于
我提几点比较harsh的建议吧，dont take it personal
嗯嗯，谢谢大神的建议~~我会再第二版里面按照您的建议，第一把PS精简，突出亮点；第二把那些team-working skills， reading literature等skills删除掉；等到大框架修改好之后，最后再把语言润色，修改语法错误，再给native speaker的朋友检查润色一下~再次感谢您的建议！！对我真的太有帮助了！非常谢谢~
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anranzhilv 发表于
嗯。。太啰嗦太长了。而且每个句子都太长了，一点都不精简。
元培实验班的类比的那段我不确定对方能看懂。 ...
非常感谢您的建议~~我再看一遍我的这个PS之后发现您提出的这几个问题真的非常明显！谢谢你的提点。我也觉得这一版PS最大的问题是重点不突出，且没有亮点；然后我会在把整体的大框架修改好之后，把里面的句子尽量精简，确保读者不会看得很烦；然后我会再仔细检查我的语法错误，修正完之后再给朋友们改一改。非常感谢您的建议！对我非常有用~~祝您天天开心啦啦啦~~
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CharlesZhuoChen 发表于
1.感觉这篇PS太长，很多地方其实可以精简，建议最好能控制在正常行距字体两页以内。
2.没亮点，像是拉长版 ...
非常感谢您很用心的提出的这些建议~~大神请收下我的膝盖~~~接下来我会按照您的建议，首先我会每一段只突出一段经历并且一段经历只集中在一段来写；接下来我会对其进行精简，把无意义，凑字数的前缀等全部去掉或改写；然后我也觉得我的这个第一版写的很像CV的增长版！这是个很严重的问题，非常感谢您点出这个问题~我会对其进行改写，有突出的主题和亮点，避免编程历史经历的堆砌；另外谢谢您建议的PS要避免通用化，简单的不具体的attractive的确很没有说服力，我会更加深入的了解UBC相关项目的一些细节，然后掷地有声的证明自己match它；最后等上面一切修改好之后我会修正我的语法和语句的错误，再对其进行润色。非常感谢您的鼓励和给的很有用的网站，谢谢您~祝天天开心哈~~
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Jacob0818 发表于
你的统计背景呢。。。完全没写的感觉。。。你的potential research interest呢 是哪个方向呢。。。也没写。 ...
嗯嗯~~是的，这篇PS里面我对于general skills着墨过多，反而自己的专业技能没提到多少！我会马上对其进行修改！非常谢谢您的建议~祝天天开心哈~
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十三幺九久 发表于
手动膜拜。。。
同膜拜~~大神给出的建议太有用啦~
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学校的老师让我们这样写PS：1. 你文章的核心要表达的内容是什么？2. 为什么是UBC？两段太少，而且你所喜欢的那些东西是不是真的都是UBC所有的，是不是学校和老师招你，就像让你这样毕业？如果老师们不是这么想的，你的这些说法会有反作用。3.按照托福和GRE的要求，每段第一句话都应该是中心句。然后后面的句子要有例子来支撑。比如，你说你有很敏锐的研究细节，是什么导致的？有哪些例子？文章要写得有血有肉才可以啊。
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