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题目：People who leave home for the city are more likely to be successful and happier than people who remain in village.
With the development of the society, the number of people holds the view that people should live in the village because of less population and clean air. However, I'm still holding the view that people should live in the bigger city, for the reasons are that more opportunities to success and happier.
Obviously, people who live in the bigger city would obtain more interesting and funny than those who live in the small village. Citing myself as an example. I grew up in a small village which is very boring for living. For instance, we always went to bed at 8 pm and without any outer activities, which really depressed me. However, when I graduated from the university, I lived in a bigger city, which is very fun. I could watch the play in theatre at 10 pm, I also could talk to the friends in the bar at any time, I even could eat whatever I want at the midnight. You could not do this in a small village. If you live in bigger city, I'm sure you would understand how fun the bigger city is.
Additionally, I believe that we could make more friends in the bigger city. I also could serve as a typical examples, I always go to the gym and play the basketball with others. We are the teammates, and we would work for one goal, which could make us communicate easily. Therefore, I could make a lot of new friends, which would make me feel happier. Compare to bigger city, suppose that you live in a small village. You would not have as many opportunities to make new friends as living in the bigger city, because too few people live in there.
Finally but the most important, we could easier to success than living in small village, because a lot of job opportunities in bigger city. For example, my brother's major is the computer. He could repair computers for people in the village or set a computer company in the bigger city. Obviously, he chose to set a company in the bigger city. Now, he lives in a successful and happy life. It is reasonable to expect that if my brother chose to live in a small village, he could not make such success.
Of course, living the village has some advantages, which could make people feel happier, like the clean air and less pressure. However, from what have been discuss above, we could safely draw the conclusion that people would more likely to be successful and happier than those who remain in the village, because the more funny, more friends and more opportunities to success.
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As society develops (更简洁), there is a growing viewpoint (避免people用两次) that people should live in villages as opposed to cities (要对比就要把反方是什么写出来) because of the smaller population and cleaner air. However, I'm still holding the view that people should prefer to live in a large city, as it brings more opportunities for success and happiness. (happier是对比的形容词，可是原句中又没用清它到底是为什么主语而形容。这里改为像success一样的名词。)
Obviously, people who live in a big city would have more interesting and entertaining daily lives (obtain取得funny不对，因为obtain只能取得一个名词而funny是形容词。这里改成一个更简洁的小句) than those who live in a small village. Citing myself as an example, I grew up in a small village that was very boring to live in. For instance, we always went to bed at 8 pm and depressingly there were never any activities outside the home. However, when I graduated from the university I came to live in a much larger city, which in comparison is filled with fun. I could watch a play in the theatre at 10 pm, I also could talk to the friends in a bar whenever I liked, and I could even eat anything I wish at the midnight. All this is impossible in a small village. It is clearly apparent that the extra venues and activities available in a populous city makes it a much more entertaining place to live. (原句很变扭，bigger city都重复用了)
Additionally, I believe it is easier to befriend others in a city. Again using myself as an example, I socialize by going to the gym and playing the basketball with others. My teammates and I work towards the same goal, which improves the communication and understanding between us. Therefore, I am much happier because of the potential to make many new friends. Compare to bigger city, suppose that you live in a small village. In contrast these opportunities would not be available in a small village due to the small population.(原句的意思可以很简洁的写出)
Finally but the most importantly, the abundance of job opportunities in a metropolis creates an environment that facilitates achieving success.(这里可以秀一下词汇以避免重复) For example, my brother majors in computer technology.(computer不是专业，computer science或computer technology是专业) He had the career option of repairing computers for local villagers or setting up a computer business in the bigger city. Obviously, he chose the latter path to pursue(可以用非直接引用的方式来避免重复). Now, he lives in a happy and fulfilling(避免重复) life. It is reasonable to expect that if my brother chose to stay in the village he would not be as successful.
Of course, living a village has advantages that are beneficial for some, such as the fresh air and relaxed atmosphere. However, we can conclude from what I have been discussed above that generally people would be more likely to find entertainment, socialization and success in a city as compared to a village, and therefore live a happier life overall.
红字为修改，红底黑子为删除
&big&和它的变种用的很多，简单词用得很多，致使表达出来的点子都比较简单而且显得有重复性。LZ应该努力增加词汇量以便写出更复杂但简洁有效率的观点来，并且语法也有待进步。
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putout 发表于
As society develops (更简洁), there is a growing viewpoint (避免people用两次) that people should liv ...
可以点我的签名&&去帖子要学分了
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可以点我的签名&&去帖子要学分了
版主给了这么多大米小的还敢要分吗。。。
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putout 发表于
版主给了这么多大米小的还敢要分吗。。。
这就是为了鼓励大家来参与 互帮互助啦
神牛还没有学分&&多不合适& &学分不是分...2篇IBT作文一个学分
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这就是为了鼓励大家来参与 互帮互助啦
神牛还没有学分&&多不合适& &学分不是分...2篇IBT作文一个学分
好，那我一定认真改。
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Even if you have a large amount of money. You have no idea who wants to trap you or who really likes you? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns.Friendship that we get from a job can be really valuable, bad feelings or good feelings, friendship. Sometimes you may feel awful about the pressure whoever gives you, but you will be better and better by practise.The last thing which is also crucial is the feelings. For example. Whatever the feelings are, everyone wants a higher position and higher salary. These experience makes you perfect step by syep. Some times you may embarrased because your workmate just mocked at your work, you can do lots of things that you have never done before. Perhaps you didn’t do well for the first time. For that reason. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. All jobs can get money but the feelings are totally differentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement. At work, experience and feelings you get when you are working, you may design a building or you will hold a meeting like a real adults, sometimes you may feel happy about your little success or the praise from your boss, practise makes perfect. But I oppose the opinion that money is the most important part of a job, many people will do everything to reach their goal. For instance, you can not buy true friendship. There are really much important things than money in a job. That’s what people always say. We know that in a company. You may do those things all for the first time. And you can not get that by money, they all make your job unique and fascinating. That’s why I said that friendship is really treasureable during you work. We need money for almost everything. In a company. Experience is also an important aspecect of a job.It is true that money plays a crutial part in our life
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语言流畅：1，没有specific的支持你的观点3.结尾段哪儿去了，多了就会有影响了2.观点论述的挺好的缺.字数太少，难得错几个没事：1.结构清晰.例子不具体，观点明确2优，起码写到400，要拿高分.个别单词拼写还有小语法错误要注意，语法基本正确 3，但是想拿好的分，虽然托福要求字数是300，起码5004
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出门在外也不愁托福独立写作求批改!!!!请给出建议和优缺点 还有几天就考试了 谢谢~~ 字数339_百度知道
托福独立写作求批改!!!!请给出建议和优缺点 还有几天就考试了 谢谢~~ 字数339
Question: Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for yo旦激测刻爻灸诧熏超抹ur position. As we all know, money is important in our daily lives. We can use money to do a large amount of things like buying clothes which is really expensive or travelling around the world which is a dream for most people. But we don&#39;t really need those expensive clothes or luxious travel. As a result, in my opinion, I prefer to earn a comfortable living than make large amounts of money.For one thing, having large amount of money can bring too many trouble. For instance, many people who is wealthy may have a high frequent of robberies. Due to their huge amount of money, those criminal can know their address, names and other private things easily because so many people know about their lives. They are sort of famous peoples who has no private like those movie stars or singers. The robberies which are brought by their wealthy can put them in danger. They may be killed during the fight against the criminals who wants their money.Another reason is that the richers wil not be satisfied about their money, they want more. There is an old saying which says people will not be satisfied with what they already have. Just like the saying says, wealthy people will never be happy about the huge amount of money they have because they don&#39;t think it&#39;s enough. So they work harder and harder in order to get more money. The more money you earn, the fewer time you will spend on your family.
And as a result, they will lose what is far more inmportant than money - family.Finally, our goal of earning money is to give us a comfortable living. So if you already have a comfortable living, why bother about how much money you have? We should never lose our goal because of anything. Sadly, so many people just lose this goal on their way of making money. And they slowly begin to change their goal to make more money. It&#39;s really a tragedy.
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看了一下你的文章，你的语法句法都挺好的，而且单词拼写也没有错误。 你的第一段也给出了观点，但是给的例证不够充分，不够说服力。的确有钱会引人眼红，但是很多有钱人过得很好，你一定要给出具体的人或事来说明，或者report来支持自己的观点，不然这个例子只是你的一个idea，idea是不可以作为例证的，必须使用fact。 第二个例证有钱人会很greedy，也只有idea。 所以写出观点后要有具体的实例来证明自己的观点，不然整篇文旦激测刻爻灸诧熏超抹章就是你一个人的idea，大家没有依据可以去查询去证实。 希望对你有帮助！
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出门在外也不愁托福作文求批改 谢谢！狠狠的批，狠狠的挑刺吧！, 托福作文求批改 谢谢！狠狠的批
托福作文求批改 谢谢！狠狠的批，狠狠的挑刺吧！ we should pay more attention to the childhood years and creat a blessed childhood for children?On the contemporary society, l tend to consider the child hood is the most important period in a person’s life in that it is in the chidhood years that people enter the first golden time of learning,thus,thus form the essential charactersof the children,with the education become increasingly professional and subtle,the periods are just far from enough to be as important as childhood years,Although,howere,the interest may change into a talent,which l absolutly consent,it is also disputable that the other period of a people’s life exert a tremenderous impact on their life and is important,their memorize of emotion is progressed enough to be remembered forever .On the other hand,in biology ascept,children who bring up in a single-parent family are more likely be introvt and self-bashed in that they feel lonely and deficient of love in their childhood years.it is commonly seen in my society that either some talented children tend to win over their peers by the interest frosted and
proper guidence from their paraent in the childhood or the very smart people who learned more in their child years have more chanceto success than others,people tend to focus more on which period of people have the most impact in one’s life.For example.One prevailing saying is that A person’s childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years old)are the most important time of a person’s life,the brain of the kid in the period is awash of couriosity and be capable to learn more things than kids grow up ,the childrens’memorizing ability of images is not totally developed well,in the period,the event which person experienced in their childhood years can affect the people’s personality,in the psychology aspect.First,therefore.Second,who miss the golden time of learnig----childhood years which even can decide a person ‘s life,if the prarent culitive the kid a interest in the period .do you agree or disagreeA person’s childhood years are the most important years of a person’s life.谢谢 AmberCym 托福作文求批改 谢谢！狠狠的批，狠狠的挑刺吧！
edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs465.pdf" target="_blank">http://www.ncsu，children are raised up5 学术作文用词要准确，不能蒙混过关://www。我给你一篇范文了.ces.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs465。2 每句中没用的词很多.pdf1 你的中心句要包含你的2个main ideas，句子不清晰3 用词有些不合适 consent4 语法（包括词性,很多地方.ces，词连接） 比如children who bring up， 不能独立出中心句.ncsu
,with the education become On the contemporary society...