The Ultimate Reason Why Unbelievers Don’t Give Their Lives to JesusHow? Why? When? How long does it take?
Not sure if im posting the the right forum as my mind is like fog but please help x
Ive been split with my ex now since August but still in contact upto October and it was a very bad split he was abusive to me, cheated on me and abused me physically, emotionally and verbal. The thing is we have been on and off since but its always him sayings it over and not me. I get so frustrated with myself as im constantly at his call. I feel as though its my fault each time he finishes me as when were not together i feel the need to talk to other guys to regain my confidence as i have such low low self-esteem. I just dont seem to imagine my life without him as i feel the need its all my fault why he was the way he was with me. I love him so much and still after everything have not got a bad way to say about him. He treated me so well at first and i wish to god i never found out he cheated on me as i know we would of been in a different place than we are now. The thing is my ex sometimes texts me and says &how are you? Thinking of you?&. So i reply saying upset and all the rest. Then nothing at all this gives me false hope he wants me back. Or is he just keeping me dangling? So many people dont understand why i want him still and i dont myself i just care for him so much and its so frustrating he is only angry with me because i spoke to other men since we have been split. I have not been out with anyone since as no one compares to him at all and im constantly trying to find him in other people. Im having councelling for my self esteem and something for my behaviour as i do have eratic behaviour and do some silly things. Which is helping a bit and i am trying to be a happier person. The thing is for two days solid i was doing so so well and did not contact him or even answer his calla or text and i felt ok in myself but i thinks thats because i felt i had the upper hand and thought he was sort of like chasing me. Today i gave in and answered only for me to yet again cry and beg for him to take me back and only for him to say he does'nt want me or love me and he hopes that i get with one of the guys i was texting otherwise it was a waste of time as i lost him. Im full of regret but im not sure if i did anything wrong as he cheated? and we was'nt together? Just need help on moving on with my life and advise how to do it or to get him back as i love him to bits. Im just so confused as to how and why he rings me if he does'nt care or love me is this way of saying something else? Please help me im such a wreck im 23 and ill with it all im on sleeping tablets and loosing weight like the bucket load. Sometimes i dont know how to help myself i just live in hope he will change his mind as he has changed it so so many time. I just want my life back im constantly a mess and sad people dont like spending time with me anymore because i drag them down im so lonely right now. Please any advise is great and please if you need to shout at me please do it might knock some sense into me. Just feel its all me do you think he will ever realise it was him? I just know one day it will come and the tabels will turn and i hope i strong to say no. What do you think? Im such a state and going to the Doctors at 6pm im suicidal everyday he phoned today and swore he had someone new and enjoyed telling me he had sex with her last night and it felt right. I chucked up right away the thing is the past week he said he is not with anyone then he is then he's not. Then bang in my face he only just met her. I feel so ill and want him but why after everything he did? I dont get why i spend everyday trying to analyse it in my mind and i cant? I need help but i dont know how to help myself or accept what he says is true? So many lies have been spun and i dont know if he does have someone new? Do you think the day will come he will see what he has done to me? or regret? How long will it take before i dont have him in my head or heart and im truely over him? I just hope im strong enough to say no. Sorry if this is long i just dont know were to go for help im alone even though i do have two councellors and im doing cognitive behavioural therapy. But its not working x
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Okay, you're off to a very good start to realize that this is an emotionally unhealthy way to live each day and that you're getting couseling. Very good, do not stop going, because as of right now, that's the best hope you've got going for you to regain your confidence.
To answer your main question--no, he will not wake up and realize that he was in the wrong against you. That will not happen, and don't waste your time expecting or hoping that it will. The fact that you torment yourself WANTING him to realize this is what's keeping you from getting over him and moving on in your life. You cannot change a person. I know you've probably heard that before, but it's true. You have to understand that you cannot change a person and you cannot expect a person to change FOR you, no matter how good of a person you are to them. A person has to change for themselves, and for no one else--and if they do change, then that change affects other people. But a person cannot change FOR another person, and cannot BE changed by another person--it must be a self revelation in order to change.
He is the way he is, and he likes the way he is. He likes that he has complete control over your emotions and your life. You are subject to his every whim--if he feels hostile and degrading towards you one day, he can inflict that upon you if he wants because you let him. If he feels like being nice and sugar coating things towards you because he wants sex or the image of a girlfriend for a few days, then all he has to do is ask how you're doing, say he misses you, and put on a pouty sad puppy face.
He has complete control over your emotions because you allow him to have it.
Trust me when I say that you DO NOT love him. You think you do, but you don't, and you just haven't realized this yet. You know why I say you don't love him? Because you don't love yourself first. You cannot truly love someone until you you must believe that you are worthy enough to be loved by someone who will be GOOD to you.
Right now you are controlled into believing you love him, because he has probably told you things like he's &the only man who will love you,& or he's &the only man who knows you well enough to put up with you,& or worse, &the only man who would ever find you attractive.& He's convinced you of that, and if ever you showed any signs of NOT believing those things in the past, he would either beat it into you or he would manipulate your emotions into believing him by leaving you for a SHORT time (but enough to feel tortured from his absense), or threatening to leave you.
The only reason you think no one compares to him is because you've never EXPERIENCED anyone else! I mean, really experienced someone else and the potential good they might have had to offer you, because he always intrudes into your life sooner or later to yet again exercise his control over you because he can. That's also why you &try to find him in other people.& He doesn't even have to physically be in your life to have control over your mind and emotions. You have allowed him to take that much of yourself away from yourself and anyone else who is more worthy of your love and company--probably even your friends and family.
The good news is that this is YOUR life, and that means you can take that control back from him if that's what you want. And I know that's what you want, it's just that you don't know how to do it. But really, it's easy. Trust me, because I have been in your situation except for the physical abuse. What's NOT easy is getting the COURAGE to take back control of your own life, but actually taking it back is easy.
What you need to do is wake up each day and tell yourself out loud that you deserve what YOU think is best! You need to tell yourself out loud, &I am in control!& (Yes, I did this for a few months, and it WORKS).
If he calls, don't answer the phone. If he texts, don't read it--just delete it. DON'T give him anything of you anymore--your attention, your time, your heart. He doesn't deserve it because he'll just sh*t on you as he's always done. He WON'T change FOR you or BECAUSE of you. Don't believe him if he tells you he will (although you won't allow yourself to know because you won't answer his calls or texts anymore) because...has he ever kept those promises before? NO! You don't trust him, you have been controlled by him! Take back your control, and allow yourself to feel GRATEFUL that you DON'T trust him! It's okay!!!
If he tries to physically contact you, call the police or security guards and tell them that he's harassing you, that he's physically abusive and he's stalking you! Don't feel badly if he gets in trouble because he is harassing you while trying to keep his control over you. That will be hard too. I felt badly, like it was MY fault that my ex was getting in trouble for harassing me, so I had to keep TELLING myself out loud, &I am in control! He deserves to get in trouble if he's trying to steal the control of my own life. He's making his own decision to harass me, I'm not FORCING him to harass me.&
Let him make his own decisions and control his own life, not yours. Stay away from him and MAKE him stay away from you! Don't be fooled by tears and sob stories from him. Don't feel threatened if he gets angry--call for help and KEEP YOUR OWN CONTROL!
Best wishes...I know how hard it is to go through this. You can message me any time you need.
Okay, you're off to a very good start to realize that this is an emotionally unhealthy way to live each day and that you're getting couseling. Very good, do not stop going, because as of right now, that's the best hope you've got going for you to regain your confidence.
To answer your main question--no, he will not wake up and realize that he was in the wrong against you. That will not happen, and don't waste your time expecting or hoping that it will. The fact that you torment yourself WANTING him to realize this is what's keeping you from getting over him and moving on in your life. You cannot change a person. I know you've probably heard that before, but it's true. You have to understand that you cannot change a person and you cannot expect a person to change FOR you, no matter how good of a person you are to them. A person has to change for themselves, and for no one else--and if they do change, then that change affects other people. But a person cannot change FOR another person, and cannot BE changed by another person--it must be a self revelation in order to change.
He is the way he is, and he likes the way he is. He likes that he has complete control over your emotions and your life. You are subject to his every whim--if he feels hostile and degrading towards you one day, he can inflict that upon you if he wants because you let him. If he feels like being nice and sugar coating things towards you because he wants sex or the image of a girlfriend for a few days, then all he has to do is ask how you're doing, say he misses you, and put on a pouty sad puppy face.
He has complete control over your emotions because you allow him to have it.
Trust me when I say that you DO NOT love him. You think you do, but you don't, and you just haven't realized this yet. You know why I say you don't love him? Because you don't love yourself first. You cannot truly love someone until you you must believe that you are worthy enough to be loved by someone who will be GOOD to you.
Right now you are controlled into believing you love him, because he has probably told you things like he's &the only man who will love you,& or he's &the only man who knows you well enough to put up with you,& or worse, &the only man who would ever find you attractive.& He's convinced you of that, and if ever you showed any signs of NOT believing those things in the past, he would either beat it into you or he would manipulate your emotions into believing him by leaving you for a SHORT time (but enough to feel tortured from his absense), or threatening to leave you.
The only reason you think no one compares to him is because you've never EXPERIENCED anyone else! I mean, really experienced someone else and the potential good they might have had to offer you, because he always intrudes into your life sooner or later to yet again exercise his control over you because he can. That's also why you &try to find him in other people.& He doesn't even have to physically be in your life to have control over your mind and emotions. You have allowed him to take that much of yourself away from yourself and anyone else who is more worthy of your love and company--probably even your friends and family.
The good news is that this is YOUR life, and that means you can take that control back from him if that's what you want. And I know that's what you want, it's just that you don't know how to do it. But really, it's easy. Trust me, because I have been in your situation except for the physical abuse. What's NOT easy is getting the COURAGE to take back control of your own life, but actually taking it back is easy.
What you need to do is wake up each day and tell yourself out loud that you deserve what YOU think is best! You need to tell yourself out loud, &I am in control!& (Yes, I did this for a few months, and it WORKS).
If he calls, don't answer the phone. If he texts, don't read it--just delete it. DON'T give him anything of you anymore--your attention, your time, your heart. He doesn't deserve it because he'll just sh*t on you as he's always done. He WON'T change FOR you or BECAUSE of you. Don't believe him if he tells you he will (although you won't allow yourself to know because you won't answer his calls or texts anymore) because...has he ever kept those promises before? NO! You don't trust him, you have been controlled by him! Take back your control, and allow yourself to feel GRATEFUL that you DON'T trust him! It's okay!!!
If he tries to physically contact you, call the police or security guards and tell them that he's harassing you, that he's physically abusive and he's stalking you! Don't feel badly if he gets in trouble because he is harassing you while trying to keep his control over you. That will be hard too. I felt badly, like it was MY fault that my ex was getting in trouble for harassing me, so I had to keep TELLING myself out loud, &I am in control! He deserves to get in trouble if he's trying to steal the control of my own life. He's making his own decision to harass me, I'm not FORCING him to harass me.&
Let him make his own decisions and control his own life, not yours. Stay away from him and MAKE him stay away from you! Don't be fooled by tears and sob stories from him. Don't feel threatened if he gets angry--call for help and KEEP YOUR OWN CONTROL!
Best wishes...I know how hard it is to go through this. You can message me any time you need.
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How? Why? When? How long does it take?
Not sure if im posting the the right forum as my mind is like fog but please help x
Ive been split with my ex now since August but still in contact upto October and it was a very bad split he was abusive to me, cheated on me and abused me physically, emotionally and verbal. The thing is we have been on and off since but its always him sayings it over and not me. I get so frustrated with myself as im constantly at his call. I feel as though its my fault each time he finishes me as when were not together i feel the need to talk to other guys to regain my confidence as i have such low low self-esteem. I just dont seem to imagine my life without him as i feel the need its all my fault why he was the way he was with me. I love him so much and still after everything have not got a bad way to say about him. He treated me so well at first and i wish to god i never found out he cheated on me as i know we would of been in a different place than we are now. The thing is my ex sometimes texts me and says &how are you? Thinking of you?&. So i reply saying upset and all the rest. Then nothing at all this gives me false hope he wants me back. Or is he just keeping me dangling? So many people dont understand why i want him still and i dont myself i just care for him so much and its so frustrating he is only angry with me because i spoke to other men since we have been split. I have not been out with anyone since as no one compares to him at all and im constantly trying to find him in other people. Im having councelling for my self esteem and something for my behaviour as i do have eratic behaviour and do some silly things. Which is helping a bit and i am trying to be a happier person. The thing is for two days solid i was doing so so well and did not contact him or even answer his calla or text and i felt ok in myself but i thinks thats because i felt i had the upper hand and thought he was sort of like chasing me. Today i gave in and answered only for me to yet again cry and beg for him to take me back and only for him to say he does'nt want me or love me and he hopes that i get with one of the guys i was texting otherwise it was a waste of time as i lost him. Im full of regret but im not sure if i did anything wrong as he cheated? and we was'nt together? Just need help on moving on with my life and advise how to do it or to get him back as i love him to bits. Im just so confused as to how and why he rings me if he does'nt care or love me is this way of saying something else? Please help me im such a wreck im 23 and ill with it all im on sleeping tablets and loosing weight like the bucket load. Sometimes i dont know how to help myself i just live in hope he will change his mind as he has changed it so so many time. I just want my life back im constantly a mess and sad people dont like spending time with me anymore because i drag them down im so lonely right now. Please any advise is great and please if you need to shout at me please do it might knock some sense into me. Just feel its all me do you think he will ever realise it was him? I just know one day it will come and the tabels will turn and i hope i strong to say no. What do you think? Im such a state and going to the Doctors at 6pm im suicidal everyday he phoned today and swore he had someone new and enjoyed telling me he had sex with her last night and it felt right. I chucked up right away the thing is the past week he said he is not with anyone then he is then he's not. Then bang in my face he only just met her. I feel so ill and want him but why after everything he did? I dont get why i spend everyday trying to analyse it in my mind and i cant? I need help but i dont know how to help myself or accept what he says is true? So many lies have been spun and i dont know if he does have someone new? Do you think the day will come he will see what he has done to me? or regret? How long will it take before i dont have him in my head or heart and im truely over him? I just hope im strong enough to say no. Sorry if this is long i just dont know were to go for help im alone even though i do have two councellors and im doing cognitive behavioural therapy. But its not working x
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