17 Things You Should Avoid Doing If You Want To Be Happy
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Achieving true happiness isn’t a one-step process. It’s an alteration of it’s trimming the fat and removing what is bringing negativity in your life. It’s realizing the difference between what should remain in yours and what shouldn’t.The feat is not easy, but once the process begins, you will ask yourself why you didn’t make any of these changes sooner. Despite what many believe, it’s not too late to bring happiness into your life.1. Involving yourself in dramaWhy adults still engage in petty behavior is beyond me. At this age, we should bypass the bullsh*t and focus on ourselves and what’s going on in our personal lives.There’s no reason to butt yourself in someone else’s business as you would be pretty pissed off if someone did the same to you.Don’t involve yourself in things that are irrelevant to your own life. Instead focus on yourself and how to improve your own life.2. Having unrealistic expectationsExpectation is the root of all disappointment. You set yourself up for failure by putting too much pressure on a person or a situation.Things rarely live up to the picture in your mind, which is why so many experience disappointment.3. SettlingWhether this is in your relationships, your career or your friendships, settling never propelled anyone to greatness.Accepting the bare minimum from any of these aspects will surely put you on the fast track to boredom and complacency, which will only lead to unhappiness.4. Always saying yesLearning to
is one of the most freeing and powerful things you can learn in your lifetime. Rarely do people say no to someone if they don’t have an excuse.You need to realize that not wanting to do something is excuse enough. You only have so much time, you need to spend it doing things you actually enjoy.5. Doing things in excessDoing things in excess may be fun while you’re doing them, but afterwards these moments can seem regrettable.Eating, drinking, drug use — you name it. People overindulge all the time and then they wonder why they aren’t happy. Moderation is key and the sooner it’s realized, the better off you will be.6. Listening to public opinionJust because the majority of people believe something to be right or true does not mean it is. Most people do not have the courage to express their own beliefs and, as a result, simply follow the steps of others, regardless if they agree with them or not.7. Living in the pastThe past is over, there’s nothing to do but to accept it for what it was and move on. Sure the past will teach you lessons to take into your future, but there is no need to dwell on it constantly.The sooner you make peace with your past, the better your present will be. It doesn’t matter who you were before as long as you are happy with the person you are in the present moment.8. Going back to your exesThese people are in your past and should be left there for good. There is a reason things didn’t work out with them in the first place.Most breakups will leave you with a ton of unanswered questions, but it’s up to you to find your own closure. You don’t get closure from another person, you get it from yourself.9. Taking on more than you can handleLife is one huge balancing act and if you bury yourself under too many tasks, you may never emerge again. Learning how to prioritize is an essential skill in life and one that will render a lifetime of happiness.Stress is the quickest way to lose sight of what’s important in life. By managing your tasks in the right way, you have a greater chance of avoiding this stress.10. Comparing yourself to othersYou are not someone else and no matter how hard you may try, you will never be. It may sound clichéd, but the only person you can be better than is the person you were yesterday.You will only set back your own personal progress if you remain fixated on the progress of another person.11. GossipingThere is absolutely no reason to concern yourself with someone else’s behavior if it has absolutely nothing to do with you.All this will do is stress you out and distract you from focusing on yourself and your own personal needs. Why do you even care what’s going on in someone else’s life if it has no bearing on your well-being?12. Dating someone completely wrong for youWhy would anyone who wants to be happy waste his or her precious and valuable time dating someone who is so clearly wrong for him or her?Too many people get complacent and comfortable in their relationships and see no reason to end them, even though their partners aren’t making them happy.13. Having pessimistic tendenciesAlways seeing the glass half empty is a terrible way to go about life. By focusing on all the negatives in your life, you are ignoring how fortunate you are in other aspects.The saying, “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back,” exists for a reason.14. Over-criticizing yourselfSelf-reflection is a great tool in life, but it takes a whole different meaning when you constantly put yourself down.Spending your time nitpicking pointless details about yourself is not a good way to encourage yourself to be better. Think positively, open your mind and focus on improving yourself rather than hating on yourself.15. Isolating yourselfSpending time alone can be a nice breath of fresh air, but that is vastly different from living life in a state of isolation.Happy people like to surround themselves with others because they can learn from their experiences. Sure, some things may be fun to do on your own, but most things are much more enjoyable with the company of others.16. Overlooking experiences for material possessionsJust because something isn’t tangible does not mean it isn’t worthwhile. You can get a greater deal of fulfillment by spending your time experiencing life instead of investing in material possessions.Sure, having nice things is great, but what does that have to show for your life? Traveling and immersing yourself in another culture can garner a much greater reward and sense of purpose.17. Passing judgmentsWhy judge someone else? You don’t know anything about other people’s lives or what they’ve been through.There’s no reason to hold someone to a “standard” you created in your mind when you know you’ve gone against that standard at some point in your life. Let people behave the way they wish to and continue living your own life.Photo Credit: Subscribe to Elite Daily's official newsletter, , for more stories you don't want to miss.
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Ashley Fern is the second most veteran female staff member of Elite Daily. She started off as a Senior Lifestyle Writer and is now our Director of Branded Social Strategy. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter @disco_infern0!
Ashley Fern is the second most veteran female staff member of Elite Daily. She started off as a Senior Lifestyle Writer and is now our Director of Branded Social Strategy. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter @disco_infern0!
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选择要添加的生词本
Until the matter is resolved the athletes will be ineligible to compete...
除非这个问题得以解决，否则这些运动员没有资格参加比赛。
事态;情况;局面
You use matters to refer to the situation you are talking about, especially when something is affecting the
situation in some way.
If your ordinary life is out of control, then retreating into a cosy ritual will not improve matters...
如果正常生活都一团糟了，那么再讲究小情调根本无济于事。
If it would facilitate matters, I would be happy to come to New York...
如果对事态发展有利，我很乐意来纽约。
(是…的)问题;取决于…的问题;关乎…的问题
If you say that a situation is a matter of a particular thing, you mean that that is the most important thing to be done or considered when you are involved in the situation or explaining it.
History is always a matter of interpretation...
历史总是一种阐释角度的问题。
Observance of the law is a matter of principle for us...
守法是我们的一个原则问题。
(印刷或阅读的)材料
Printed matter consists of books, newspapers, and other texts that are printed. Reading matter consists of things that are suitable for reading, such as books and newspapers.
...the Government's plans to levy VAT on printed matter.
政府对印刷品征收增值税的计划
...a rich variety of reading matter.
种类繁多的阅读材料
(有形的)物质
Matter is the physical part of the universe consisting of solids, liquids, and gases.
A proton is an elementary particle of matter.
质子是物质的基本粒子。
He has spent his career studying how matter behaves at the fine edge between order and disorder.
他从事研究物质在有序与无序的细微临界处的行为变化。
(某一类型的)物质
You use matter to refer to a particular type of substance.
They feed mostly on decaying vegetable matter.
它们大多以腐烂的蔬菜为食。
...waste matter from industries.
麻烦事;问题
You use matter in expressions such as 'What's the matter?' or 'Is anything the matter?' when you think that someone has a problem and you want to know what it is.
Carole, what's the matter? You don't seem happy...
卡萝尔，出什么事了？你好像不开心。
What's the matter with your office?...
你们部门出什么事了吗？
(强调数量少、时间短)
You use matter in expressions such as 'a matter of weeks' when you are emphasizing how small an amount is or how short a period of time is.
Within a matter of days she was back at work...
仅仅几天后，她又回去上班了。
He expected to be at East Grinstead station in a matter of hours...
他希望几个小时内可以到达东格林斯特德站。
有关系;要紧;有影响
If you say that something does not matter, you mean that it is not important to you because it does not have an effect on you or on a particular situation.
A lot of the food goes on the floor but that doesn't matter...
许多食品掉在地板上，不过也没什么关系。
As for Laura and me, the colour of our skin has never mattered...
至于我和劳拉，肤色根本不是问题。
另一码事；另一回事;不同情形
If you say that something is another matter or a different matter, you mean that it is very different from the situation that you
have just discussed.
Being responsible for one's own health is one thing, but being responsible for another person's health is quite a different matter...
对自己的健康负责是一回事，对他人的健康负责就完全是另一回事了。
You have no business going into such places all by yourselves. If your parents take you, of course, that's another matter.
你们不该自己去这些地方。不过如果是父母带你们去的，那就另当别论了。
出于（时间）的考虑;作为（紧急）事件（处理）
If you are going to do something as a matter of urgency or priority, you are going to do it as soon as possible, because it is important.
Your doctor and health visitor can help a great deal and you need to talk about it with them as a matter of urgency.
你的医生和家访护士会帮很大的忙。你应该和他们谈一谈，这是当务之急。
难事;并非易事
If something is no easy matter, it is
difficult to do it.
Choosing the colour for the drawing-room walls was no easy matter.
选择客厅墙壁的颜色绝非易事。
此事已定;(事情)到此为止，到此结束
If someone says that's the end of the matter or that's an end to the matter, they mean that a decision that has been taken must not be changed or discussed any more.
'He's moving in here,' Maria said. 'So that's the end of the matter.'
“他就要搬来住了，”玛丽亚说，“那么就这么定了。”
事实真相是;真实情况是
You use the fact of the matter is or the truth of the matter is to introduce a fact which supports what you are saying or which is not widely known, for example because it is a secret.
The fact of the matter is that most people consume far more protein than they actually need...
真实的情况是，大多数人摄入的蛋白质比他们实际所需的多出许多。
The truth of the matter is that he was having an identity crisis when he met Carina.
实际情况是，他认识卡丽娜时正在迷失自我。
You can use for that matter to emphasize that the remark you are making is true in the same way as your previous, similar remark.
The irony was that Shawn had not seen her. Nor for that matter had anyone else...
具有讽刺意味的是，肖恩并没有见过她，别人也同样如此。
A great deal of hard work was done and, for that matter, is continuing.
大量艰苦的工作已经完成，同样，大量艰苦的工作也仍在继续。
CONVENTION
不要紧;没关系
You say 'it doesn't matter' to tell someone who is apologizing to you that you are not angry or upset, and that they should not worry.
'Did I wake you?' — 'Yes, but it doesn't matter.'
“我把你吵醒了？”——“是的，不过没关系。”
CONVENTION
都行;无所谓;随便
You say 'it doesn't matter' when someone offers you a choice between two or more things and you do not mind which is chosen.
'Steve, what do you want?' — 'Coke, Pepsi, it doesn't matter.'
“史蒂夫，你要喝点什么？”——“可口可乐，百事，随便啦。”
正经事；非同儿戏
If you say that something is no laughing matter, you mean that it is very serious and not something that you should laugh or joke about.
Their behaviour is an offence. It's no laughing matter.
他们这么做是犯罪，这可不是开玩笑的。
使情况变得更糟
If you say that something makes matters worse, you mean that it makes a difficult situation even more difficult.
this will only make matters worse...
不要想不开，这样只能使情况变得更糟。
To make matters worse, it started to rain again.
更糟的是，又开始下雨了。
CONVENTION
没关系;不要紧
You say 'no matter' after you have just asked a question or mentioned an idea or doubt and you have decided that it is not really important, interesting, or worth discussing.
'Didn't you ever read the book?' Keating shook his head. 'Well, no matter.'...
“你从没看过这本书？”基廷摇了摇头。“嗯，没关系。”
'Shoddy workmanship these days,' he remarked. 'No matter, it will still bear my weight.'
“现如今的做工实在是差劲，”他说，“无所谓了，好歹还撑得住我的体重。”
不管…;无论…
You use no matter in expressions such as 'no matter how' and 'no matter what' to say that something is true or happens in all circumstances.
No matter what your age, you can lose weight by following this program...
不论年龄多大，都可以按这套方案来减肥。
No matter how often they were urged, they could not bring themselves to join in...
就算别人说破了嘴皮，他们就是不加入。
不管怎样;无论如何
If you say that you are going to do something no matter what, you are emphasizing that you are definitely going to do it, even if there are obstacles or difficulties.
He had decided to publish the manuscript no matter what...
他决定无论如何都要出版那部手稿。
I vowed then, no matter what, I would never be like those people.
于是我发誓，无论如何，我和他们那种人都不会成为一丘之貉。
看法问题;看法因人而异的事情
If you say that a statement is a matter of opinion, you mean that it is not a fact, and that other people, including yourself, do not agree
'We're not that contrived. We're not that theatrical.' — 'That's a matter of opinion.'
“我们没那么造作，也没那么夸张。”——“见仁见智喽。”
(只是)时间的问题（用于说明某事必定发生）
If you say that something is just a matter of time, you mean that it is certain to happen at some time in the future.
It would be only a matter of time before he went through with it.
他完成这件事只是时间问题。
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i请填写生词本名称!The Six Things That Make Stories Go Viral Will Amaze, and Maybe Infuriate, You - The New Yorker
When Jonah Berger was a graduate student at Stanford, in the early aughts, he would make a habit of reading page A2 of the Wall Street Journal, which included a list of the five most-read and the five most-shared articles of the day. “I’d go down to the library and surreptitiously cut out that page,” he recalls. “I noticed that what was read and what was shared was often different, and I wondered why that would be.” What was it about a piece of content—an article, a picture, a video—that took it from simply interesting to interesting and shareable? What pushes someone not only to read a story but to pass it on? The question predates Berger’s interest in it by centuries. In 350 B.C., Aristotle was
what could make content—in his case, a speech—persuasive and memorable, so that its ideas would pass from person to person. The answer, he argued, was three principles: ethos, pathos, and logos. Content should have an ethical appeal, an emotional appeal, or a logical appeal. A rhetorician strong on all three was likely to leave behind a persuaded audience. Replace rhetorician with online content creator, and Aristotle’s insights seem entirely modern. Ethics, emotion, logic—it’s credible and worthy, it appeals to me, it makes sense. If you look at the last few links you shared on your Facebook page or Twitter stream, or the last article you e-mailed or recommended to a friend, chances are good that they’ll fit into those categories.
Aristotle’s diagnosis was broad, and tweets, of course, differ from Greek oratory. So Berger, who is now a professor of marketing at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, worked with another Penn professor, Katherine Milkman, to put his interest in content-sharing to an . Together, they analyzed just under seven thousand articles that had appeared in the Times in 2008, between August 30th and November 30th, to try to determine what distinguished pieces that made the most-emailed list. After controlling for online and print placement, timing, author popularity, author gender, length, and complexity, Berger and Milkman found that two features predictably determined an article’s success: how positive its message was and how much it excited its reader. Articles that evoked some emotion did better than those that evoked none—an article with the headline “BABY POLAR BEAR’S FEEDER DIES” did better than “TEAMS PREPARE FOR THE COURTSHIP OF LEBRON JAMES.” But happy emotions (“WIDE-EYED NEW ARRIVALS FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE CITY”) outperformed sad ones (“WEB RUMORS TIED TO KOREAN ACTRESS’S SUICIDE”).
Just how arousing each emotion was also made a difference.
If an article made readers extremely angry or highly anxious—stories about a political scandal or new risk factor for cancer, for example—they became just as likely to share it as they would a feel-good story about a cuddly panda. (In this particular study, certain pieces were coded as eliciti in a , arousal was further measured physiologically.)
Berger and Milkman went on to test their findings in a more controlled setting, presenting students with content and observing their propensity to pass it along. Here, too, they found the same patterns. Amusing stories that had been chosen specifically because they were positive and arousing were shared more frequently than less amusing ones. Anger-inducing stories were shared more than moderate takes on the same events. When the researchers manipulated the framing of a story to be
either negative (a person is injured) or positive (an injured person is “trying to be better again”), they found that the positive framing made a piece far more popular. The findings have since been replicated by several independent research teams, who have found that videos that shock or inspire are
to be shared on Facebook and
to gain viral traction. Positivity and arousal go a long way toward explaining the success of Web sites like Upworthy, which started in 2012 and is known for using headlines designed to make you laugh, cry, or feel righteous anger (for example, on the site right now, “” and “”). Even the site’s tearjerker content has a positive message: “Watch a Teenager Bring His Class to Tears Just by Saying a Few Words,” reads one. Despite launching less than two years ago, the site has steadily climbed the ranks of Internet popularity, ranking third in a
of Facebook shares, right behind BuzzFeed and the Huffington Post. Its posts are like the infamous cat videos on YouTube—funny, positive, and arousing—but taken to a new level. Still, as Berger points out, “There are lots of cat videos that don’t get shared”—and lots of would-be Upworthys that never quite make it. So what characterizes the ones that do?
Since his initial foray into the nature of sharing, Berger has gone on to research and test a variety of viral-promoting factors, which he details in his new book, “.” Almost ten years in, he feels he’s discovered a formula of sorts: as sites like Upworthy or BuzzFeed would likely put it, The Six Things You Need to Know to Make Your Voice Heard. While emotion and arousal still top the list, a few additional factors seem to make a big difference. First, he told me, you need to create social currency—something that makes people feel that they’re not only smart but in the know. “Memes like LOLcats, I think, are a perfect example of social currency, an insider culture or handshake,” Berger told me. “Your ability to pass it on and riff on it shows that you understand. It’s the ultimate, subtle insider signal: I know without yelling that I know. When your mom sees an LOLcat, she has no idea what it is.” When Upworthy first started, not everyone knew what it was, and the videos seemed fresh. Now they are
as link bait and . Other sites, including , are copying their formula.
The presence of a memory-inducing trigger is also important. We share what we’re thinking about—and we think about the things we can remember. This facet of sharing helps explain the appeal of list-type stories (which I
about in detail last month), as well as stories that stick in your mind because they are bizarre. Lists also get shared because of another feature that Berger often finds successful: the promise of practical value. “We see top-ten lists on Buzzfeed and the like all the time,” he notes. “It allows people to feel like there’s a nice packet of useful information that they can share with others.” We want to feel smart and for others to perceive us as smart and helpful, so we craft our online image accordingly.
A final predictor of success is the quality of the story itself. “People love stories. The more you see your story as part of a broader narrative, the better,” Berger says. Some cat lists are better than others, and some descriptions of crying teen-agers are more
the best underlying story, regardless of its trappings, will come out on top. That, in fact, is what the Upworthy editors
in response to their critics: the headlines may seem like link bait, but the stories, the curators promise, are worthwhile. “Coming up with catchy, curiosity-inducing headlines wasn’t the reason Upworthy had those 87 million visitors,” they write. “It was because millions of members of the Upworthy community watched the videos we curated and found them important, compelling, and worth sharing with their friends.”
Some of these features, of course, are incompatible: a list, for the most part, isn’t going to tell much of a story, and a LOLcat video or other meme isn’t usually informative. But, taken together, especially with the underlying principles of arousal and positivity in mind, the guidelines can help. “I see it as a batting average,” Berger says. “No one is going to hit a home run every time, but if you understand the science of hitting your batting average goes up.” The irony, of course, is that the more data we mine, and the closer we come to determining a precise calculus of sharing, the less likely it will be for what we know to remain true. If emotion and arousal are key, then, in a social application of the observer effect, we may be changing what will become popular even as we’re studying it. “If everyone is perfectly implementing the best headline to pass on, it’s not as effective any more,” Berger says. “What used to be emotionally arousing simply isn’t any longer.” Those in search of evidence for this should look no further , a site that was started just eight months ago and is already the seventh most popular site on the Web, at least as measured by Facebook shares. As I type, the lead story on its front page is “” Illustration by Adrian Tomine
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