A Thank You Letter to the Men Who Didn’t Have the Balls to Claim Me. | elephant journal
Via on Jun 25, 2015
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This is a note of thank you to all the men who never had the balls to claim me.
Although I am a strong and independent woman, I have a secret cavern inside my heart that is open to be claimed—but never owned.
And while I realize I still have so far to travel on this journey, I also feel immensely thankful for all those “maybes” and “what ifs.”
I’m thankful for those that were intimidated by my wild heart because it taught me that I have two choices in life—to either live within the boundaries of their comfort level, or to say f*ck it, and be my own self—wild and all.
Thank you for teaching me to embrace, love and revel in my wild.
I am appreciative for those who I made uncomfortable with my truth. It was only through learning how much others don’t like the truth exposed, to learn for myself how much I crave its very existence—if truth were a drug it would be my favorite high.
Thank you for teaching me to never be afraid of the darkness that the truth may hold.
I’m gratified for each and every time that I felt I wasn’t getting what I needed from a man—because in fact I wasn’t. It was only through looking at what I didn’t have that made me realize what I do want. While I may travel along empty back roads by myself at times, I also have realized that it’s okay to not accept less than what I deserve, regardless of if it makes sense to others or not.
Thank you for showing me everything that I don’t want, so that when I finally come face-to-face with what I do want—I’ll have the courage to go after it.
I am thankful for the insecurities that your actions brought out in me, because if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. In looking at what emotions the behaviors of the others were triggering in me I had the ability to look at myself and make the choice on how I wanted to feel. It was only through this experience that I learned no one can make me feel a certain way unless I give them permission to do so.
Thank you for helping make me into the strong confident woman that I am today.
Even though at the time it is never easy, I am simply so grateful that you never loved me enough. We never love the same way twice, and while I know in your own way you did love me, it wasn’t the kind that could keep me warm on a blustery winter’s eve. Thank you for showing me that I don’t want someone to be only half in love with me, or to merely appreciate me—but to leave them breathless.
Thank you for teaching me that the love I seek is the one that is extraordinary.
I am so grateful that I was able to feel what it was like to be trapped by normality, because it taught me that I will never fit into any sort of box or label. I was not put here to make others feel comfortable, but instead to make them feel alive.
Thank you for never appreciating me for my individuality and spirit, because it taught me how important it is to stay true to myself.
Although being alone was tinged in isolation at times, I realize now that it was in those moments that I was able to take root and bloom into myself. Finding our own way in this world where so many think they know what is right for each of us is the most difficult work we will do. I will always be grateful for you trying to change me so that I was able to realize I am exactly as I should be
Thank you for leaving me with my loneliness so I could find my way back to myself.
I am so appreciative for you having tried to make me the woman behind the man, because it was there in the shadows I learned that I am meant to be a partner and nothing else. I can create a lot more trouble in this world next to a man who appreciates the burn of originality.
Thank you for attempting to dim my light so I learned that I needed to burn as bright as I could.
Thank you for being afraid of the power of my sexuality, and the mysteries of my eyes because it taught me that only those who can match my passion should be allowed to share in it with me.
Thank you for being scared of my intelligence and the depths of my mind, because it taught me there is a difference in loving how I look, or how I make you feel versus loving who I really am.
Thank you for not being the man that I needed, so that instead I was able to see the woman I already was.
Thank you for never having the balls to stake a claim on my heart, because it left the space and opportunity for someone who will be brave enough to take a chance on the wonderful desire of the unknown—someone who will cultivate every trait you tried to suppress.
Thank you for being all wrong, because it showed me what right will look like—and for that I will always be eternally grateful.
“The right man will love all the things about you that the wrong man was intimidated by.”
Relephant:
{A Response from the Author}
Love yourself instead:
And think about all the positive little things of being single:
Author: Kate Rose
Editor: Travis May
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Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker and rebel. She can usually be found walking barefoot in the moonlight between worlds with the dreams of stars still hanging in her hair while swaying her hips
smelling of sweet bourbon and honeysuckle. She lives for adventure and wakes each morning with the excitement of a new day waiting to unfold at her feet. She truly believes the best is yet to come and waits, with bated breath, to see what it may hold. Follow her on ,
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In my line of work, I meet a lot of great husbands and the wives who adore them. Over time, it's not hard to pick up on a pattern among these men -- especially when I chat with other wives about why they chose the men they've married and what qualities in their husbands have most shaped their marriages. For all those single women out there who often wonder what type of man they should marry or how they will know if he's "The One" they're meant to spend forever with, this list is 100 percent for you. It's based on my own personal experience as a wife, those of the many wives I've encountered throughout my career as a Weddings and Relationships editor, and the observations I've made about the great husbands I've met or bumped into over the years. Not all of the answers are here, but I promise you, this list has some of the insight you seek. Read on, ladies, and take notes.
1. The Provider
He puts family first, always. He's a selfless man, who lives to please those he cares most about. He's the kind of man who can work two jobs in his sleep, always has a side-hustle in mind to earn more money, and guards his savings with his life. He can't rest until he knows the ones he loves are okay. He strives for perfection at home and in the office. Work-life balance is very important to him, but if missing time with his loved ones means a better life for them, he's always game to put in the overtime and take one for the team. Words like "no," "can't," and "impossible," are just not in his vocabulary, and when he hears others use them, it only increases his devotion to the task at hand.
Why He Makes a Good Husband: Marriage is the start of a new family -- your family. You will both want to provide for the family you create together, and it's imperative that you are partners with the same goals in mind. That said, there will be times when one person just cannot do as much as the marriage (or family) requires -- such is life. Marrying a natural-born provider will be a huge plus when the scales in your marriage tip, as they inevitably will at different points along your path.
2. The Rock
At your weakest moments, his strength keeps you stable and inspires you to push through. He isn't immune to pain or frustration, but he does handle it well, and he knows how to pull himself out of low places. He's the kind of man who never misses your call when he knows you need to get something off your chest, or better, just a friend to be there for you. Speaking of chests, his is always there for you to lean on, squeeze, and find comfort in when it feels like only a hug will do.
Why He Makes a Good Husband: He's loyal, devoted, and a true pillar in the world of the woman he loves. This is the perfect recipe for a loving husband that you can count on th what woman doesn't dream of marrying one of those?
3. The Critical Thinker
There isn't a problem, big or small, that he isn't itching to solve. He's a quick, solid, thinker, who hates to be backed into a corner. He doesn't just see the pro he sees a road map of the many solutions available to him and takes his time as he determines the best way to get there, or the course of action he must take. He is patient, because he has to be -- rushing things is rarely the answer and he knows this. He's diligent, focused, and considers himself a mental Olympian of sorts.
Why He Makes a Good Husband: Marriage is truly beautiful, but it comes with its share of problems, and its rough patches. Happier times aren't always just around the bend -- getting there may require a detailed plan and thinking smarter, not harder. He will make a great team player during the moments where the only way to win is to work together, and trust me, those moments can and will arise in marriage.
4. The Believer
When the world around him comes crumbling down and the sun seems as if it will never rise again, this man still believes -- his faith is his foundation. It gets him through the good and the bad, and it never falters. He believes in the things unseen and those that many give up on when the world turns cold: hope, morals, kindness, and good will. He has a church home, or a religious mainstay in his life and the fellowship refuels his engines. He's God-fearing (whoever his God) and he's proud of his strong beliefs. His moral compass is always turned in a positive direction, and he refuses to accept failure. He helps others and chooses to live his life in a way he believes others should live theirs.
Why He Makes a Good Husband: This man has the emotional tools needed in his toolbox to repair many of the cracks and dents that will inevitably appear in any marriage. He's a fighter, and he will fight with you and for your marriage. He won't give up, even when you do.
5. The Free Spirit
Spending time with this man never gets old. He believes that life is about living and therefore is virtually immune to the physical afflictions caused by stress and worry. It's not that he doesn't he just refuses to let them consume him. He stays positive and seeks to enjoy all aspects of his life, as much as humanly possible. He has most likely chosen a career he loves over one that pays all the bills. Therefore he's just as passionate about his work as he can be about feeding his cravings for new adventures. He enjoys traveling and most likely has a bucket list at least a quarter complete. He doesn't believe in wasting time worrying about what can't happen and prefers to shift his focus to what can. With him, there's never a dull moment at home, in the bedroom, or when you're out and about. His inner light shines through and warms the spirits of those around him. He keeps life exciting -- almost as if, each day he presses the refresh button.
Why He Makes a Good Husband: Spending the rest of your life with the same person, doing many of the same things can be as boring or as exciting as you make it. Marrying this man ensures that one pitfall your marriage won't ever fall into is that of pure and utter boredom. It sounds simple, but it's so important.
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