Taking Control Of My Happiness And Ditching Toxic Family : I Cut Off Ties With My Biological Family Story & Experience
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Taking Control Of My Happiness And Ditching Toxic Family
I am finally free to live my life and be the person who I want to be. It has been a painful and heartbreaking process but I choose happiness over my 'pretend family' I am the classic scapegoat.& I have had to put up with physical, mental and emotional abuse my whole life and decided to go into therapy four years ago.& My mother always tried to get me to go because she wanted to 'fix' the problem child, but this time I did it because I wanted to.& Her opinion of therapy now is that all psychologists are messed up themselves and that I should go on medication!&& My family and I will never get on.& I speak the truth and they live in denial.& My mother and sister still insist that my dad was never that bad.& This man hit his wife, children, told me I was a ****, worth nothing and would never amount to anything.& He threatened to kill me, pretended to try and commit suicide then said he was only faking it, refuses to acknowledge anything I do and said he wished I had never been born.&He told me he didn't want see my daughter his own granddaughter because&he had to watch what she was doing (she is only two) .Now if that is not bad in my mothers eyes I would hate to imagine what is.& In our family and as I am learning in all highly dysfunctional families we are taught not to talk.& Everything that happens within the family stays within the family.& I never&obeyed this rule and have been punished for it all my life. I talk and they tell me to be quite someone might hear.& I go on talking about the abuse and they try to blame me for it.& I keep talking and they try guilt, manipulation, isolation, calling me crazy. &I have finally accepted that my biological family are who they are and I cannot change them.& I can only change myself.& The way they behave has everything to do with themselves and nothing to do with me.& No contact is the best thing I have ever done.&
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GUYS' GUY'S GUIDES&
On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness
Robert Manni - Thursday, March 02, 2017
Life keeps serving us up the same issues until we learn the lesson.
That&s how it works, amigos. Until we experience that V-8 moment, we continually face the same problems that have always dogged us. And because we are either not paying attention or very stubborn, when we learn the lesson, most of us learn it the hard way.
I had an epiphany last week as I watched my 17-year old vehicle being driven away by its new owner. I literally hit myself in the forehead with my palm as my eyes followed my silver sport utility as it disappeared down the road. It was at that moment that I realized that I had held onto it for too long. And because of my unwillingness to let it go, I paid a price in dollars, stress, and time. At that moment I knew that this had been the case in other areas of my life. That was the reason I kept having the same issue raise its ugly head at me over the years.
There&s no plan or special process to follow to achieve success. All you need to do is be mindful of the things, people, and situations that you may be clinging to. Then, step back, make a plan and let go, confident that you&re severing ties to an attachment that has run its course. It&s simple in theory, but can be challenging to execute.
Instead of articulating a multi-step plan, I&ll touch on key areas where I have fallen prey to holding on for too long at the cost of personal growth and success. Although I&ve learned my lesson and have grown wiser as I move forward, I will be tested again. But, I will face each challenge as they crop up. For now, let&s do this. I offer you the Guys& Guy&s Guide to Letting Go.
Drum roll, please&
1. Love & Who hasn&t stayed in a relationship too long? Most of us, and definitely me. I&m not sure if it&s because I&m lazy, optimistic that people can change, or just lame. When it comes to love, it&s been all of the above. I&ve made the same mistake of hanging on too long more than once. Now that I&m happily married, hopefully I&ve learned my lesson in this area of my life. In a number of past relationships, deep down I knew things weren&t right, but I forged on, and on, and on. Instead of advancing or ending the relationships, I trudged along, grasping at straws that things would eventually turn out the way I had originally hoped. But in each affair, I let the clock run out and each woman caught me off guard and left me high and dry. That should never have happened, but I just let things be for too long.
In retrospect, and in deference to the women, I should have ended these relationships the moment I came to terms with the fact that nothing was going to change. Even if the abrupt exits hurt at the time, I bounced back and hold no grudges. In fact, the only person I am upset with is yours truly, because I did a disservice to the women and to myself by not moving on at the appropriate time. But, that was then, and it all worked out. All of the ladies are now married and I hope that they are happy. I know that I am.
2. Work & Your job sucks, but you hang in there anyway. Yep, we&ve all done that. It could be the money, not wanting to be looking without having a job, or sheer laziness. In any case, as the pages fall off the calendar, that job you hate can start to work against you. And, many times, it doesn&t end well. My career has been a roller coaster of high highs and low lows, but that&s okay. The highs have made everything worth it and each high was higher than the last one, so I know the next high is going to be off the charts.
I&ve stayed in a few jobs that I despised too long and every time it worked against me. The people who were jerks never changed, conditions went from bad to worse, and eventually these jobs turned into torture with a paycheck. A few came of these situations came to abrupt endings, just like my expired relationships. It doesn&t have to be that way though. When you know it&s not happening at work the way it was promised, start looking. Unfortunately, there&s no guarantee that you&ll automatically move into a perfect situation, but at least you are investing your energy into making a positive change. In the end, it all works out the way it&s meant to be. Just don&t sit there until you get canned because it&s obvious that you hate your job and don&t want to be there.
3. Home & Moving is a pain in the ass, but not moving is not always a good option. This is another area where we all fall prey into staying in a situation too long. I hung onto a modest studio on the West Side for a few decades because it was cheap and convenient. The good news is that I bought the place for less than the price of my car so I always had cash in my pockets. The bad news is the place was below my standards and as a result I hesitated bringing really hot women home with me because I did not feel comfortable about my digs. When I eventually sold it, it financed my current home, so I&m not complaining. But I probably could have flipped it and traded up or bought a bigger unit when my building went co-op and I had access to the insider price. But I didn&t, and that&s that. I made money and had the luxury of keeping a crash pad in the city. I also learned my lesson about holding on to things that no longer served my needs and station in life.
4. Car & I kept my vehicle for 17 years. Never keep a vehicle for 17 years unless you&re a mechanic. Over the past two years my ride was towed three times, and I was forced to invest over $3,000 in various repairs for a sport utility that I rarely drove. And when I did drive it, I was terrorized by every weird sound I heard coming from under the hood.
When I finally found a buyer via a local dealership reference, the guy showed up at my home with a thick wad of twenty-dollar bills. The day before I had experienced a flat tire and a dead battery, and the check engine light was on. Fortunately, I fixed the flat for $15 and got a jump to restart my battery, which somehow shut off the check engine light. I was shitting when the buyer looked under the car and noticed something dripping slowly onto the asphalt. He bought and sold cars for a living so I&m sure he had people who would take care of that, but it was just another stress point that could have been avoided if I would have sold the car a few years earlier. But, he handed over the cash.
Like I said, this experience flipped the switch for me. After I counted the stack of twenties and the buyer drove off, I realized that I had finally learned my lesson about hanging onto things too long.
This lesson also applies to holding on too tight to our dreams and aspirations. I&m not suggesting that you give up. What I am suggesting is that you let go and let God and Oneness and the Universe do the heavy lifting.
Hopefully, I won&t fall into the same old pattern again. But that&s on me. Somehow I think I have a better handle on the situation now that I know what I was doing wrong and why the same things kept happening over and over again. This lesson also applies to holding on too tight to our dreams and aspirations. I&m not suggesting that you give up. But if you let go and let God and Oneness and the Universe do the heavy lifting, you&ll be surprised at the results. I hope this spurs you guys to rethink your own habitual patterns and helps you break any bad habits before they break you.
The week&s GUY&S GUY OF THE WEEK is all of us. It may have taken me a very long time to sort out my issue, but when the time was right the message rang loud and clear. I know you can do it, too.
Robert Manni - Sunday, February 12, 2017
Valentine&s Day is a day most guys dread. It&s commercial, pressure-filled, and commercially exploitive. If you&re single, you might feel left out. If you&re in a relationship, you&re probably scrambling at last minute for an idea worthy of your mate. That doesn&t sound very romantic. But it doesn't have to be that way. So what can a Guy&s Guy do to make this annual toast of love work for you? The answer is simple. Personalize the day. Check your ego and make the day all about your partner. If you do, I think you&ll find more satisfaction than you could ever hope for. Here are three Guy&s Guy hacks for making this tricky day one you can truly celebrate.
1. Tried and true hacks don&t have to be boring or expected. Dinners, flowers, chocolates, jewelry, champagne, and lingerie are the standard bearers. And as long as you put some thought into it, there is nothing wrong with choosing any or all of the above. If that&s the case, what separates a champion from a chump comes down to one thing& paying attention and choosing what will please your partner.&
Take flowers, for instance. On Valentine&s Day, and in fact on any day, women love to receive flowers. But, contrary to popular belief, and although you probably can&t go wrong with them, not every woman would make a dozen red roses her first choice. I know, it sounds crazy, but women have particular tastes about everything, and choosing flowers are no exception. To make your selection special, find out her preferences ahead of time, even if it means asking her friends. &is a great resource when it comes to sorting through lots of flower delivery options, and is a great way to tailor your selection to your lover&s tastes. &
2. When love is new, you want to fan the flames. If you want to get intimate with a woman for the first time your first thought is probably buying her lingerie in the hopes that she&ll wear it for you on Valentine&s Day. But pause before picking out something small and red that&s just for you. She&s more than aware that you want her to give you the show. And unless she&s given you a big hint about what could happen on Valentine&s Day, your Guy&s Guy says don&t buy her lingerie on Valentine&s Day if you haven&t been to bed with her yet. Whatever you do, don&t make her sweat about having sex on Valentine&s Day. Be thoughtful and unpredictable. Keep her off balance and intrigue her. Pick up tickets for that show she wanted to see, cook her a special dinner, or take her someplace she&s mentioned in passing. It&s the little things that will get you over the top, amigo.
Instead of buying her a big, red printed card with a long rhyming message, pick an elegant card with very little text and craft your own heartfelt message about how fun it&s been getting to know her and what she means to you. Point out the little things you&ve noticed that make her special why you want to get to know her better. Believe me, she&ll see you&re paying attention and most likely, you won&t need that red lingerie to get where you want to go. If you express your feelings in a heartfelt way, she&ll bring it when she feels right. And when she does you&d better fasten your seat belt.
3. If you want to keep the fires burning& Again, it&s about personalization. Let&s say you buy her jewelry. Pick something out that you feel she&ll like and then kick it up a notch by inscribing it with a personal message. A former paramour once bought me a silver necklace and an understatedly elegant pendant. Nice. When I looked closer at it I noticed that she had inscribed the underside with, &Love Slave&. Talk about marking your territory. It worked. Of course once my next girlfriend took one look at it, it went to the scrap heap.
When you are in a long-term relationship or marriage the written word still goes a long way. If you buy a card, again, pick something simple and write ten special things that she does to make you love her. Tell her why she so important to you, what makes her sexy, funny, giving, etc. Let her know her in no uncertain terms that she is loved. And it won&t hurt if you clean the house and cook her a special dinner.
I think you&ve got the idea by now. The key to a successful Valentine&s Day is making it about the other person.
Are you making Valentine&s Day all about your partner?
This week&s Guy&s Guy of the Week is Paul McCartney for writing all of those wonderful silly love songs.
Robert Manni - Friday, February 10, 2017
I don&t hate Valentine&s Day. I dread it, and I&d like to have a chat with St. Valentine. He may be a saint, but he&s got a lot of explaining to do.& The myth behind the man is as confounding as the commercial celebration of romantic love that sprang from his legend. Was he beaten to death with clubs, beheaded after restoring sight and hearing to the daughter of his jailer, or was he a romantic legend created by Chaucer? Until the twentieth century, the tales surrounding this enigmatic man had been spun more times than a soggy towel around the dryer. &Then a slew of corporations that produce syrupy greeting cards, milk chocolate hearts, or jewelry saw the dollar signs and lovingly embraced his &brand&. &And since it&s a holiday, we are now treated to price gouging at restaurants and florists. In my informal survey the majority of men and women I spoke to conjured up emotions far from loving when they saw February 14th and that big red heart on their calendars.
What&s the one word that comes to mind when men and women think of Valentine&s Day?&&
Pressure. If you're single, Valentine&s Day reminds you very clearly that you are currently not on the invitation list to life&s love-in, making you feel less than saintly. If you&re in a relationship, then you have to step up your game and deliver the goods&big time. Women love flowers and chocolates, and like receiving them unexpectedly& on any other day. And although she&s digs jewelry, on February 14th it must be diamonds or gold, and it better sparkle. All men love seeing their woman dolled up in new lingerie, but if her outfit is really for him, who buys it for Valentine&s Day? Tiptoeing around Victoria&s Secret and sifting through teddies, garters and thongs can be unsettling. And he probably forgot what size she wears and does not want to make a mistake. &You&ve seen guys wandering around the store checking out other women&s boobs trying to figure out if they could be the same size as his girlfriend&s. And trust me - a man gets no kicks from discussing his lady&s cup size with the sales girl. Pressure.
So how do we get through this annual ordeal?
I have no clear answer. And to ratchet up my own personal helping of pressure, my wife&s birthday is on February 12th. I&m totally screwed. Okay, breathe. There&s hope. Some experts say that February 14th is the best night for single ladies to get lucky. That is, if they can rally the troops and muster up the moxie for a manhunt. So, if you are a single guy, get your butt out there.& And when you hit the bars, keep your eyes focused on those ladies on the lookout for some man-meat and off the hockey game playing on the big screen. If you&re a man in a relationship, you&ve still got time to come up with something fresh. Buy her some well-deserved pampering at a top shelf spa or offer to cook her a romantic dinner.& If you&re a woman, bust out the deep red lipstick and push up bra ensemble and rock his world. Trust me. That&s all he wants. K.I.S.S., as they say. Keep it simple, stupid! As for me, I might end up caulking the bathroom tile before taking her out to her favorite raw food restaurant.& But, I&ll do that on her birthday. Then I&ll wish for February 15th.
Robert Manni - Thursday, February 02, 2017
I launched
a few years ago. In keeping with my novel, , and my syndicated blog &On Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness& at , I was looking for another medium where I could help bridge the communications gap between men and women. It&s been a great experience for me. Over the past three years, I&ve met and interviewed over 200 fascinating people&experts in their field who are passionate about their work. And even though hosting a podcast has been hard work, my guests have provided a free education for me on a multitude of subjects.
Here&s how I got started: After deciding on a service provider, I began broadcasting the show via my cell phone before switching to a landline and finally upgrading our production through the computer using a Blue Snowball microphone and headphones. It&s still fairly basic stuff, but besides some early glitches in service and the occasional blare of a passing ambulance racing to Mount Sinai Hospital outside my studio, technologically speaking, the podcast is working out well. In fact, our show is booked solid through the next few months, and these first two hundred podcasts have given me the invaluable opportunity to hone my message and my hosting skills. I&m constantly learning about crafting a clear, on-brand message, engaging listeners, and interviewing guests in a way that puts them at ease. Fast-forward, and within a few months I was named a featured host on Blog Talk Radio.
But it hasn&t all been that easy. Besides being the on-air talent, I book my guests, review their work which could mean reading a book, craft a set of relevant points to discuss, and prepare my opening remarks and weekly Guys& Guy&s Guide& feature. It&s psychically rewarding, but surprisingly time-consuming. The goal is for the show to be less Q&A and more of a conversation, so our audience can sit back and enjoy the broadcast or interact with it they by calling in with a question for the guest.
All in all, it&s been a fun gig. Being a Guy&s Guy, I want to give back and share some of what I have learned so far from hosting a show. And since they&ve become so popular now, who knows, you might be considering producing your own podcast. It&s not rocket science, but it takes discipline, composure, and a little finesse to handle the many curveballs that come your way.
Before we go any further, let me give some thanks to another Guy&s Guy. I&d like to extend a heartfelt shout out to my producer and friend, Ryan, my favorite millennial. Without his expertise and guidance, I&d be lost in a logistical hell. He&s a consummate pro and a super problem solver. Thank you, amigo.
Now, onto what I&ve learned about podcasting over the course of my first two hundred shows.
Although anyone can host a podcast, it&s not for everyone. Like writing a novel, hosting a successful radio podcast needs to be more than something you like to do. It needs to become something you have to do. If you scroll through iTunes or the Podcasts app, you&ll find podcasts available about almost any topic imaginable. This relatively new medium has become increasingly popular to the point where even mainstream celebrities are getting into the act. However, because the cost is minimal and the technology is relatively easy to use, it also means that there is a glut of podcasts hosted by folks who like to hear themselves speak more than what they can offer their listeners. It&s expected, so no big deal. The only takeaway is to be discerning when looking for podcasts to follow. Guy&s Guy Radio is about living your best life in a world where men and women can be at their best and everyone wins. It&s all filtered through the lens of an evolving Guy&s Guy. Our guests range from relationship experts and dating coaches, writers, healers, channels, psychics, wellness experts, fantasy sports pros, and entertainers.
Here&s how I handle the show: I begin with my theme song, "Uninspired," contributed by the band Noba, before greeting the audience and tease our special guest. For the next five to ten minutes I tackle a few current events through my personal Guys& Guy&s lens. Then after a quick reminder of how GGR began and what we stand for, I move to my weekly &Guys& Guy&s Guide& where I hone in on a specific topic for a few minutes. These are usually featured in my weekly blog posts. Then it&s time to welcome our special call-in guest. Our conversation takes between 30- 45 minutes. Though the majority of listeners subscribe to podcasts so they can tune in on their own schedule, our show does take live callers. I choose my own guests, so I support their work and as a result, although we may disagree on an issue, I am not seeking conflict. I want my guest to feel at home with me and our listeners & a mix of both men and women.
After hosting 200 podcasts, I&ve nailed down a working template. I know what I stand for so we rarely stray from the Guys& Guy&s credo & Better Men. Better World.& If all of this sounds appealing to you, make sure you have a concept you feel strongly about and that you are committed to the time it takes to get traction before launching your own show. If you think this might be something for you, keep reading.
Start slow, know your brand, and keep an open mind.& Because my novel and website were anchored in the relationships area, my first few podcasts centered on dating and relationships. At first, I hosted with a female on-air talent. Each week we focused on a specific dating issues like online dating, technology and dating, what men need to know about women, and visa versa. We exchanged banter and answered caller questions. It was working pretty well, but after a few weeks my partner had other commitments. This brought on my first major challenge&I needed to make a quick decision to either drop the podcast or go it alone. I&ve always been a big fan of radio and after listening to my intuition I decided to give it a go. But, I needed to find a guest within 24 hours. I contacted a friend who&d recently launched his one-man off-Broadway show. Fortunately he agreed to be our first guest in the new solo format. He&s a comedian and an old friend, so we had a good rapport from the start. The show came off well and people responding positively on social media.
I knew I could make this work, so I sketched out a list of interesting people I knew or that other might know that I could get on the show. After a few months we&d booked a steady lineup and expanded the show&s focus beyond relationship issues to wellness, spirituality and other topics I felt passionate about and believed would resonate with our audience of evolving guys and the women who love them. Pretty soon some publicists found me and began pitching me potential guests. The rest, as they say, is history. We&re now booked well in advance, but are always on the lookout for provocative guests who have something of value to share with our audience. Speaking of value, if you do decided to launch your own show, once you have generated a steady audience there are ways of earning money through program sponsorships or revenue sharing from your provider. This takes patience and time, but if you can score a sponsor, good things can happen.
Depending on the show&s platform, podcasting can be a free education. It&s been an honor meeting and learning from so many interesting people who have devoted much of their life to their particular areas of expertise. One of the things that I&ve learned is that like the core tenants of the world religions, many of the spiritual teachers we&ve hosted guests have shared the same universal truths in various ways. And their answer always comes down to our making choices between love and fear. It&s that simple.
I&ve only scratched the surface about the ins and outs of podcasting, so look out for part two in the near future. Until then, look for me on&every Wednesday at 7pm ET on , , , and I&ll now leave you with the words I use when I close each show: Guy&s Guys finish first.
This week&s Guy&s Guys of the Week are all of my guests, listeners, and subscribers. They make everything possible and deserve my heartfelt thanks.&
Robert Manni - Wednesday, January 25, 2017
We&re bombarded with toxins every day. Whether they&re in the food we eat, the air we breathe, or the media we consume, human beings are under constant attack.
Autopsies show that most people who die had cancer in their bodies, even is it was not the cause of their death. Why? We enter this world pure, pristine, and in most cases, blessed with good health. But over time, due to our lifestyles, the foods we ingest, our thoughts, the images we view, heavy metals, the pollutants in our air and the water we drink create a poisonous environment within our bodies.
Some people claim that we can&t detoxify our bodies and that cleanses don&t work, but I&ll leave that up to you to decide after you do your research. Even so, there sure are a lot of people who are sick and contracting chronic autoimmune diseases. I&m a Guy&s guy, not a western doctor, but I&ve experienced a life-threatening health scare that forced me to stare into the abyss. As a result, I&ve taken the time to dig into the things that make us toxic and how we can clean up and live as healthy a lifestyle as possible. And that means eliminating and replacing much of what our body, mind, and spirit consumes.& My suggestions are based on reading, interviewing numerous healers on my podcast, , and my personal experience. If our collective human makeup and physical chemistry is the same, why are some of us sick and others healthy? It&s a mystery and yet it makes sense. Some of us treat our body, minds and spirit like shit, and I think we can agree that there are steps we can take to help maintain better health. These are my suggestions, but ultimately, you&ve gotta live your life and make the choices that feel right for you.
Let&s break this down into three parts: our body, mind, and spirit and explore some tips and insights to consider that might enhance your day-to-day existence. My goal is that you are as healthy and happy as possible.
BODY & Our western diet has not evolved with our optimal health in mind. The bulk of our daily meals are laden with too much sugar, salt, meat, fried or processed foods, dairy, and GMO&s. The cumulative effect of a steady diet of these over the years can result in chronic autoimmune diseases, intestinal fungi, parasites, and lead to cancer. Add alcohol consumption, tobacco, drugs, prescription meds, and a lack of sleep and water, and our body chemistry can turn toxic. It&s imperative that we drastically reduce or eliminate much of these poisons while at the same time hydrating more frequently and getting more sleep.
We are what we eat, so choose organic foods and do your very best to cut out meat and sugar. Cut out the obvious bad stuff like drugs, prescription meds (when possible) and tobacco, drink as much filtered water as you can (about 8 liters a day if you can handle it) and get more shut-eye. Even a short nap helps because we&re a sleep-deprived culture. You might also add apple cider vinegar, coconut oil, Himalayan sea salt, and clay to your water, food, and oral health regime to aid health and hasten the elimination of toxins from your overloaded system. Even our environment plays a role with all of the electromagnetic energy pulsing trough urban locales. Over time all this can accumulate inside of you. Your body is a temple, but over time even the sturdiest temples crumble if they are not properly maintained.
MIND & If we are what we consume, that includes media, music, media, news, social media, films, video and games, porn, etc. Garbage in. Garbage out. Studies have proved that there is energy in all of the above, so be mindful about what you watch and read, and the music you listen to. It will impact your outlook and your health. As a marketing and ad guy, I always check out the ads running in the subways for the latest movies, television shows, and music. Most of it is dark, creepy, and violent. Is it any wonder why young people (I don&t want to put this all on millennials, but&) hold such jaded views on life and their fellow man? But more than that, when we consume all of the negativity, it poisons us from within.
I like to binge on the latest Netflix series as much as the next guy, but I am careful about how much violence, hate, and broken characters I allow into my consciousness. And let&s not forget good old Facebook and its daily barrage of memes and posts about our new president. I&m not a fan, but I also don&t want to allow his odd behavior be a constant distraction and annoyance. Concerning social media, the best thing I have done this year is to &unfollow& a bunch of guys from my high school that apparently live to defend anything Trump does, says, or lies about. Fellas, have at it, but I&m out. And I feel so much better.
SPIRIT & This might be the most important area to focus on if you want to detox your life. When you boil it all down, every real decision we face forces us to choose between love and fear. Choosing love requires us to do what we can to enhance our spiritual practices. Walking the righteous path is not easy, but it pays off if you maintain stamina and a determination side with love when the world around you gets crazy and people behave like jerks. To help detoxify spiritually, I meditate, affirm, appreciate my gifts, pray, forgive myself and the other guy. I know it sounds sappy, but if you give the righteous path a fair chance, over time you&ll raise your vibration and reap the rewards of living in alignment with your truth.
These are my simple suggestions that I hope will help you they way they have helped me live my best life. &That&s what I am doing right now. Sure, I&m a work in progress, but I am making consistent strides. And it feels great. Do what&s best for you, but always, always, always choose love. And remember to love yourself while you&re at it.
This week&s GUY&S GUY of the WEEK is Lord Dhanvantari who is considered the physician of the Devas (gods) and the father of Ayurvedic medicine.& &&
Robert Manni - Monday, January 02, 2017
Most people I've talked to hated 2016. So now is the perfect time to usher in the New Year with a clean slate. &Although there was too much war, terror, climate mayhem, celebrity deaths, a global rise in authoritarianism, and our tedious and tiring election and polarizing outcome, your Guy&s Guy wants to remind you that that there is still a lot to be thankful for. And it&s critical that we step into 2017 with fresh eyes and ears, and an open mind. I know that&s a tall order after all we&ve been through, but there are always reasons for maintaining hope in spite of challenging circumstances. If you believe in divinity and a universal consciousness, you know that everything is exactly where it is supposed to be. In fact, through our collective outlook, behavior, and the energy we send out each and every moment we&ve actually created this mess. But there&s some good news&together we can fix it.
So let&s explore a few key considerations as we embark on what will hopefully be a memorable 2017. It&s up to us to make things better, and I know we can do it if we work together and share a love-based consciousness. Let&s start by finding closure for 2016 and putting a lid on two key areas that shaped the year.&
1. Dealing with the election & Never in our lifetime has an election so divided this country. If you voted for Trump, you got your wish. &He won, She lost. Get over it.& Who hasn&t read some version of this an endless number of times on social media when DT&s supporters are asked to explain some of his more bizarre actions, statements, and claims? Y what will it take for his supporters to question any of his actions? To get a read on this, think about the following. Right now, his supporters are actually siding with Putin over or current president. That&s somewhat surreal. Let&s see how things go when they get hit in the pocketbook when their health care, Medicare, and social security come under attack.
For those who voted for HRC, there has been plenty of finger pointing to go around. Was she a flawed candidate? Did screwing Bernie make a difference? And how about those hacks? At this point none of that matters. The election is over. We&ll have Ted Nugent sing &Cat Scratch Fever& and the inauguration and have to take it from there. I have two bits of advice: For Trump supporters, at least watch this man and really think about what he is doing. None of us know exactly what that will be, but let&s not defend your vote any longer by bringing up Hillary the next time he says or does something outrageous. It&s on him now so let&s be fair. For Trump resistors, be diligent, but don&t let his victory poison your outlook.& We may not become pleasantly surprised, but be thankful in that his victory is creating a mass awakening of people&s awareness of the corrupt process and finally fed up with the two parties. Hopefully this is a time where real change can take place. Stay peaceful, but strong and stop trying to convince Trump supporters that he is evil. Right now, they are only going to dig in their heels and say, &He won. Get over it.&
To both sides& please stop using social media to try and convince the other side that you are right and they are wrong. Right now, no one is budging from his or her point of view. Unfortunately, we have to forge ahead together in the dark a bit longer before seeing how things unfold. Then people can take strong, yet peaceful civil action.
2. So many artists and celebrities dying & There are millions of boomers and they are getting older. Some take better care of themselves then others. Some have chronic conditions and illnesses for myriad reasons. Some say that the artists that have left us are choosing to move into to a different realm and dimension. The bottom line is that everybody&s physical body dies, and more older people means more death. That&s not going to change.& Enjoy our artists while they&re here and understand that dying is part of life.& And take heart, we still have Keith Richards.
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2017& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &
1. Stay positive and be appreciative - No matter how dire the situation may seem, we are alive. If you are reading this you are better off than 95% of all the humans inhabiting our planet. Yesterday I opened the window and let in a raw wind. I was thinking how lucky I was to have shelter. Imagine how tough life was when people had to survive long winters without heat, hot water, toilets and all the creature comforts we take for granted?
In many ways we create our own reality so it&s critical that we manage our thoughts and outlook. Here&s a test&for one day see if you can avoid complaining, arguing, or thinking negatively about anything. Do your best to find the positive in everything that happens over a 24-hour period. It&s not easy, but if you can hold on for even one brief day, you will feel surprisingly good. Every day is a new beginning that brings with it another chance to raise your frequency. &Put that phone down, get outside, and thank the Universe for your many blessings. It will make a difference.
2. Setting intentions and those pesky resolutions - Intentions are the key to manifesting the life you desire. Without intention, you will not manifest what you want. Life will most likely happen to you. Like diets, most resolutions go by the wayside fairly quickly. Gym memberships soar in January, but when you hit the gym in April and you probably won&t have to wait to use the elliptical trainer. Instead of making a typical resolution, give it some teeth by either putting a timetable on it (no booze until Memorial day, lose ten pounds by March 1st, learn the piano this year). Or even better: make lifestyle changes that stay with you (quit smoking, give up eating meat, learn Mandarin).
3. Know that real change begins within - No matter how sculpted your abs become, if you don&t address how you think, see, and feel it&s not going to make you quite as attractive as you had hoped. Real beauty and change begins on the inside. Make it a point to work on quieting your mind chatter. Meditate. Take up yoga. Use affirmations. Read a book. Put the phone down. Get out in nature. Play. Have great sex. Whatever allows you to slow your mind down and focus is a good step on the path to living your truth. Your inner beauty will shine through and make your abs look even sexier.
4. Choose love or fear - It all comes down to this. If you can consistently choose love over fear in your approach to life and all of the decisions you make each day, things will get better. It&s not easy, but it is that simple. Choosing love over fear is the only choice that matters.
This week&s Guys& Guys of the Week are all of the people reading this post. Over these past few years I have become more and more appreciative of your support and I hope that you have benefitted from some of my musings and suggestions.& We are connected, and here to live in our truth in service. Let&s make this your year. Have a great 2017!
Robert Manni - Wednesday, December 14, 2016
If you&re like me and most New York Guy's Guys, you want what you want when you want it.
You like your pizza hot, your beer cold, your payments on time in cash, and your woman&s skirts short and tight. Okay, that last one was a bit sexist, but everyone&s bundling up as we enter another long, dark New York winter. We live in a fast-paced town where people rarely demonstrate patience, a key personality trait of people who know how to win at the game of life. I&m as guilty as the next Guy&s Guy&I want my shit now. But, over time I&ve learned that sometimes not getting that thing I wanted when I wanted it, even if at the time I believed it was perfect for me, was not in the cards for good reason. &It was either wrong, or it wasn&t the right time. The Universe was protecting me.
Over the years I&m still learning how important having patience is to personal development, maturity, and an appreciation of life. Maybe you didn&t get that job, that girl, that deal, or that fantasy football championship when you thought it was in the bag. But, when your ship comes in, even if it happens long after when you wanted it to enter that harbor, you&ll eventually find out that everything falls into perfect timing and what&s right for you.
Before you put your hand up and say, &Hey, Guy&s Guy. What about that time when I was supposed to win that blah, blah, blah?& Sorry, it wasn&t meant to be, amigo. Your path still remains on track even if at times it feels like you&re
along that the long road to enlightenment. You will get there and so will I. All we need is patience. The Universe hears us. It knows what we want to experience, but it has a different concept of time than our hyper demands for getting what we want now, now, now. With all that in mind, here are my Guy&s Guy perspective for learning patience and why it&s a very good thing.
Remember that job you applied for after college, thinking it was the perfect? Even though you may have landed the job and thought it was the right one for you, that opportunity doesn&t matter very much now, does it? If you were like me, you got the job, but over time had misgivings. I thought working for a big corporation that sold cookies and confectionary was the perfect gig. I met a lot of smart people, and I got solid experience and international travel under my belt. Then, after a few years and endless rounds of bosses, teams, and changing rules and politics I came to the realization that the people marketing a fun products like bubble gum and candy bars were some of the . Packaged goods marketing was a notch on my career belt, but it was not what I wanted going forward. So I took my time and got a solid job in the image industry that suited me much better. In fact, I was much happier. It took time to make the change, but it was worth it. I was bored and miserable in the packaged goods industry, even though at the time it was the perfect place for me to start out. I got what I wanted when I wanted it, but I also learned that it there was something better out there. I took what I could get out of the experience and forged ahead. In this case, patience prevailed.
Here&s another example. Have you ever run into a former high school, college, or ex from your twenties and then suddenly experienced that &what was I thinking?& moment? Someone you had previously thought was the hottest, coolest partner. Maybe she dumped you, and left heartbroken. It made your desire for her become even hotter. But now, after a few years you see and there&s really no attraction whatsoever. You still respect her, but you&re not in any way, shape or form attracted to her physically or energetically anymore. What happened? Life happened. Aren&t you glad that things didn&t work out the way you had wanted back then? That&s what I&m talking about. You&re probably a lot smarter, happier and hanging with a partner who is better suited to you. It took me years to learn this valuable lesson. I learned that the hard way. In more than one relationship, I tried to force something to work that deep down I knew . I didn&t have the belief or the patience with myself and my abilities to just take a deep breath and move on. So I burned my time and probably hurt some feelings. But eventually I learned to be patient with change. And when I was more mature and ready to share my life, I met the woman who became my wife, my best friend, and lover. I&m glad the Universe taught me the rewards of patience.
Final story. A few years ago I took a break from the advertising game and began building the Guy&s Guy brand in earnest. I knew it would be hard. At the time I sat in a personal reading from a famous spiritual channel. The Guides that channeled in knew me inside out. At the time, I was eager to cash in on my novel, screenplay, TV script and treatment, , non-fiction book series and all of the bricks I&d been laying in the foundation of my Guy&s Guy brand plan. I wanted it all right then and there, but there was more work to be done.
The Guides asked me an interesting question. &Would you be willing to do what you are doing without knowing if you would make money?& It was a striking question about my personal . I considered what I was doing and why. I felt the same way I did as when I was writing my novel. This was not just something I it was something I had to do.& I knew that I had to be patient, learn my craft, and hone my message so I would be properly prepared when my ship came in. After the reading, I went to work.
It&s been a few years since that reading and it&s not always been easy. I could have given up. At times I&ve said to myself, &WTF?& But overall, things are good. I&m healthy, strong and wiser than before and my family and my personal needs are being met. And, even though I still don&t know exactly how or exactly when my dream will manifest, I know it will happen at the right time, in the best way possible. That is my intention, and I am patient in my knowing.
So what&s the take away, Guy&s Guy? Do we sit here and just wait for our ship to come in? No, you do your work, set your intentions, and live, live, live in the moment. As you develop your patience you&ll eventually know that all things in your purview are happening in perfect timing. Good luck.
This week&s Guy&s Guy of the Week is Abraham Lincoln. Here is a list of thirty years of his failures, plus a few successes on his way to becoming one of our greatest presidents. The man had patience and perseverance.
1831 - Lost his job
1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
1833 - Failed in business
1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
1835 - Sweetheart died
1836 - Had nervous breakdown
1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
1848 - Lost re-nomination
1849 - Rejected for land officer position
1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
1860 - Elected President (success)
Image courtesy of WhiteHouse.gov&
Robert Manni - Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Why am I thankful that my ex broke up with me?
Life is a trickster. It always seems like it&s running two steps ahead. By the time we catch up and process what&s happened, it&s already off making more mischief that we don&t understand. That&s why along with the great food and family sharing, Thanksgiving is a great time to take a half step back to review our lives and be thankful for all of our experiences. The trick is finding the lesson to be learned from what is happening in our lives.
Getting back to the headline, no one likes being dumped. And like most guys, I&ve been dumped a number of times. At the time it seemed like my world was crashing down. But now, although I wish nothing but the best for all of my ex-girlfriends, I&m glad that they are my ex&s. Over time I realized that there was a missing component in each and every one of these relationships. Should either of us have known about this missing link and moved on sooner? Probably, but we didn&t. &We shared some good times and hopefully learned something about ourselves from our time together. I&m sure you have been there and I know it can be daunting for the heart to look into the endless abyss. But there is a reason for hope. That reason is you.&
Okay, it took me an extra decade or two, but I stayed focused and optimistic and continued to work on myself to be a better partner and a better man. I remain a work in progress, but things are coming together and I&ve never been happier. I&m very appreciative this Thanksgiving and accountable for my choices. And, I&m alive and have a new opportunity each and every day. That&s all I can ask for.
Here are a few reasons live in a state of constant appreciation.
No one else can make you happy.
&comes from within. I think you&d agree that it is difficult to love another if you do not first love who and what you are. At times this is easier said than done, but it&s sagely advice that we&ve all heard a thousand times. And, it&s true. Loving yourself does not mean being selfish, but knowing who you are and what you are makes a difference in how you celebrate each day. We are all one&.
Letting go can give you a better handle on your life.
Sometimes a setback can be a step forward. Living in New York is a trip. There are so many super-intelligent, talented, and successful individuals here, yet many of them walk around looking quite displeased. You can see it in their&. People invest a lot of their energy trying to control every aspect of their experience. Although we are responsible for our actions, we cannot control everything that happens to us. We all know that shit happens. If you loosen up that death grip on your day-to-day world, you&ll probably be in a better position to shake off and move on from the setbacks that inevitably occur. Maybe you didn&t get that guy you thought was right for you, but you ended up with another dude that suits you far better. Or you are blessed with the time to get to know yourself better. When we can relax and have faith in ourselves things work out for us in a way that allows us to grow. If you&re not feeling it, try digging down deep to find what you need to learn. It&s there for you if you can let go, quiet your mind, and ask for it. And when you get that insight, be thankful and keep moving.
Make every day Thanksgiving.
Everyone has to do what works for them. I&m no Dr. Phil, but I&ve found that when I begin each day in a state of appreciation and end each night the same way, I feel blessed and sleep like a baby. We all have to find our own methods and path, but being thankful works for me.
I thank you all for being in my life and for the lessons our connection is bringing forward.& Have a great, restful weekend. I&ll be back at you with more Guy&s Guy musings next week. &&
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Robert Manni - Tuesday, November 15, 2016
More shocking than the host of Celebrity Apprentice becoming our 45th President-elect has been the hate and vitriol spewed between so many friends who supported different candidates this recent election.
As you know things have gotten personal and real nasty. The levels of hate and toxicity have been surprising and it&s saddening that things have come to this in our great (yeah, it&s still great) country.&
Who out there hasn&t been taken aback by the sheer anger and bile projected by our friends, countrymen, and fellow patriots at one other? Those who voted for Trump ask others to give him a chance before jumping down his throat. The HRC supporters respond and say how can we, when it was it was Trump who started and then fanned the fires with his inflammatory comments throughout the campaign? His early picks for key positions that include members of his immediate family and Republican insiders&how is this draining the swamp?
Many people are afraid of the early signs of backlash from the Trump victory by his fervent supporters, including racial slurs and swastikas slapped onto public buildings. Others point to Clinton&s cronyism and the screwing over of Bernie Sanders as proof that she really was Crooked Hillary. A match between Bernie and Trump may have been more interesting and might have yielded different results, but that&s not what we got. Instead we had six months of WWE style putdowns, slanders, and nastiness that either embarrassed, enraged, or galvanized supporters for these two flawed candidates.
How did this happen? For months, and even after the Wikileaks emails surfaced, it looked like Hillary had the election in the bag. But the pundits were wrong. They were so, so wrong. The polls and the TV talking heads either misread or weren&t paying attention to the pent up anger that spread not only through Middle America, but also resonated with a surprising number of women, blacks, and Latinos, all voting for Trump. It&s amazing, but true. So let&s agree that people were fed up, and now here we are. A country more divided after the election.
Social media, and Facebook in particular, have become war zones. Friends, friends of friends, and trolls continue the diatribe of incendiary and often highly personal remarks about their fellow Americans. Disgusting democrats, racist Republicans, Nazis, and rapists are just a sample of the descriptions I&ve witnessed today on my FB feed. And I, too, was sucked into the fray early on and may have tossed a few verbal bombs as well, especially towards friends who seemed out of touch. The bottom line is that many voters are going to be in for a major surprise, especially for those in the lower income levels who need positive change and a bit of luck. It&s still early, but unlike Brexit, I have not seen any buyers& remorse by Trump supporters. In fact, most of them are either gloating or doubling down on the &whiny loser& rhetoric. Clinton supporters have refused to take a &wait and see& approach, but this only leads to more frustration as we are going to experience change whether we like it or not.& To be fair, Trump won, and his supporters were really, really pissed off and many didn&t expect to win. But after the celebratory mood quiets down, I suggest they fasten their seat belts because it&s going to be a bumpy ride. Many who hate the costs of Obamacare will find themselves on the short end of the stick when it comes to healthcare and rising costs from private sources, which was why we got Obamacare in the first place. The bottom line is that it&s going to get ugly and to survive as a nation we collectively need to stay peaceful, focused and educate ourselves about the positions and policies that we&re about to face.&
So what&s a Guy&s Guy to do? I suggest first taking stock and then taking action as warranted. To the protestors, you have the right to assemble and make our voices heard. Trump urged revolts when Obama won in 2012, so we have to be fair about that. Are some of these bused-in, paid supporters? Maybe. If so, it&s not a good thing, but do we get truth from the media anymore? Let&s face it&the mainstream media outlets are partisan. And most of the crap reported on the internet is mostly just that, crap. But, lots of people believe what they want to believe and that is not going to change. So here&s what I suggest:
1. Don&t attack what you hate. Promote what you love. Whether that means protesting, marching or joining a group that seeks to advocate transparency or make positive change, make sure that it is built on love, not just fear.
2. Block nasty strangers and snarky trolls on social media. People get whisky muscles on social media and, as you may have noticed, there are a lot of jerks on the internet. So unless you feel like wasting your time arguing with people who love to drag a spirited discussion into the gutter, the most effective way to deal with their bullshit is to simply block them. End of story.
3. If you have to, UNFRIEND people who are toxic. If they really are your friends in the offline world, they most likely won&t fall into this category. But, if offline friends become impossible and copy you on endless threads of hateful emails, rethink that friendship.& Whatever you do, don&t respond to those emails, especially if you&re being baited and if members of their CC list expose strong and divergent opinions from yours. Ask yourself if that person is really your friend and the kind of dude you want in your life now.
I&m not pointing a finger solely at Trump supporters. They have a right to celebrate and even gloat a bit. But, I would ask them to at some point soon, get past the euphoria and actually go deeper into what their candidate has discussed, including the wall, tariffs, repealing Obamacare, handling ISIS in a secretive fashion, etc. Our new President-elect was voted in on the winds of change. Change can be a good thing, but not when it&s simply for the sake of change. There needs to be substantive reasons and concrete plans we can embrace. At this point, we all need to watch our new administration closely and hold their toes to the fire when they consider any actions that could curtail any of our hard-fought freedoms.
So let&s all take a deep breath, stay vigilant, and choose love over fear. It&s the only way to go.
This week&s Guy&s Guy of the Week is President John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Yeah, remember that guy? He promoted equality, space exploration, physical fitness, and justice for all. And no one called him crooked or the second coming of Hitler. But sadly, we all know what happened. God bless America.
Robert Manni - Monday, November 07, 2016
Have you ever thought about how many dates is the right number before having sex with a new partner? Your Guy&s Guy says, &You can have sex on the first date or the tenth. What counts is when it feels right.& It&s the same with getting married.
Some daters are serial monogamists. They prefer the comfort of spending time with one partner and seeing what happens as the relationship unfolds. These folks often get married at a young age. &The divorce rate is over fifty percent, and I&ll bet a majority of them occur when people get married too early.
Others, like myself, prefer playing the field until they figure things out. And by that I mean taking the time to understand themselves and what works for them. For people like me, that can be a long process that includes lots of dates and romances. And for this Guy&s Guy, it meant taking a very long time before getting married. In fact, I was single so long that over time at holiday get-togethers, no one in my family even bothered asking me when I was getting married. It was a foregone conclusion that I would remain a bachelor. But they were wrong.
I&ve been married now for almost seven years and time has gone by quickly. During these years of what I still call my marriage bliss, I&ve learned a lot about myself, the meaning of marriage, and when it&s best to tie the knot. I&ll tackle that first. My advice is for you to get married when it feels right. If it doesn&t feel one hundred percent right in your head, your heart, and your soul, don&t do it. Also, love yourself. If you don&t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you?
Now that we&ve gotten that out of the way, I&d like to share some considerations, along with the pros and cons, and insights I&ve gleaned. So, without further ado, here is my Guys& Guy&s Guide to Marrying Later in Life.
Drum roll, please.
You can be a better partner & Man, I really messed up a lot of relationships with some great women before I got married. Most of the damage was self-inflicted. While my partners quietly fumed about my insensitive behavior and my selfishness, I strutted about thinking nothing was wrong until it was too late. This happened more than once. Fortunately, although I can be a slow learner, I finally realized what I had doing wrong in my relationships for so many years. How did I find out? After my third date with the women who is now my wife, I asked her what I needed to do to be a good boyfriend. I told her that I had a number of failed relationships and although I was a decent guy, my behavior must have been lacking in some ways. She said, &Pay attention&. I nodded and asked her if there was anything else. She quietly said, &No&.& That&s when the light bulb lit up above my head. My mind shifted into a rapid review of all of my past relationships, and sure enough she was right. In many ways, I had not been paying enough attention to my partner or the nuances of the relationships. And I thought that if they had a problem, they would say so. But, a lot of women expect the guy to know how she is feeling. That&s because they always seem to know how we are feeling. It&s because women pay attention. But at least I now knew what the problem was. So, I was on my way to relationship success. We got engaged after dating for one year and were married a year later almost to the day.
I attribute having this life-changing epiphany partly because I waited until I knew who I was and how to be a better partner before getting married. So chalk one up for waiting until you&re really ready before getting married. It worked for me. Of course simply knowing is not the same as putting &paying attention& into practice. And I often catch myself slipping in this area. But, I&ve been married for over six years so I must have stepped up a bit.
You know yourself better and are more established & A lot of couples in their early twenties get married and by the time they hit thirty, they are different people who are going in different directions. Some call this their starter marriage. I call that bullshit. Marriage is marriage. You can define the terms however you want, but it&s not disposable for a Guy&s Guy. And that&s another reason why I waited. I wanted to have a solid grip on every aspect of myself, and my career before getting married, and I expected the same from my life partner. I suspect marriage is a lot easier when both participants have their feet on the ground and their dreams and goals clearly defined. It takes time for many people to get to this place. Money can certainly be a factor, but finding your footing in life is more than that. And it&s much easier to share your life with someone when you are comfortable in your own skin and know how to survive and thrive on your own. Your spouse is your partner, not your savior. Chalk up another point for waiting until you know who you are before getting married.
Having kids changes everything & I have aging parents and a young son. That can be tricky and draining also. I love my son so much, and I think I&m a better parent now than I would have been a thirty. I know who I am and I have the patience required to succeed with a toddler. But, psychologically, being an older parent can be challenging. I push myself constantly to live a healthy lifestyle and stay in top condition physically, mentally, and spiritually. I want to share as much time as possible with my son and to do so I&ve had to make sacrifices. But that&s fine.
When I was single, I played golf every weekend. Now, I&m at the playground with the kid. It&s a small price to pay, even though I do love golfing.
Though, at times I get sad when I think about our age difference. In fact, my wife and I are considering having yet another child so our son has a sibling he can know and love as he gets older, and we get well, even older. It&s a toss up, but I have to confess, it&s probably better having kids earlier, so chalk one up for not waiting too long to get married.
There are lots more considerations, but I think I hit on the three macro issues when considering how long to wait until getting married. And again, no matter what, if you take the time to know and get comfortable with yourself, you&ll increase your chances of having a successful marriage. I&ll say it one more time. If it does not feel right, don&t do it. No matter how lonely you may be or how wonderful your current partner is, if in your heart of hearts you do not believe they are, &The One&, then wait.
This Week&s Guys& Guys of the Week are my parents, Serge and Carole Manni. Unlike me, they got married very young and have been successfully married for the past sixty-six years. Go figure.&
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