(向玉小丸子)
(向玉小丸子)
(dannywang)
(正在火上的烤鸭)
第三方登录：求互相批改雅思作文的小伙伴_百度知道
求互相批改雅思作文的小伙伴
报了八月底的雅思考试，如果有想共同进步雅思写作的同学请回复！
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In the early 1990s, when visitors to Chinastill had to paytheir hotel billsusing foreign exchangecertificates, southeast Asia was a favourite among western investors. Money poured in, attracted by young and rapidly urbanising populationsand relatively openeconomies.
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求高手指点托福独立写作,求批改!水平很有限,帮忙看看大概的错误和分数,谢谢!题目是：同不同意政府应该把钱花在艺术馆和音乐厅呢还是基础设施,像游泳池Thanks for the development of economy ,government’s investment
has an increasingly significant role in modern society,. Yet at the same time ,people
are divided over whether government be support to invest in more cultural productivities .some people, as a result ,support that the advantage of
vest in art place prevail
is dis advantage .theoretically, it may true, but in reality, I think vest in facilities is more important.The primary factory we need to take into consideration is that set up more facilities are batter for our bodies. Because
we are living in competition age and we have to face a lot of things to solve, such as
peer pressure and work pressure .so we may be have some psychological and physical diseases ,its harmful our health .Furthermore, some facilities can help us to
excise strong body ,such as swimming pool or play ground. history filled with is example of abraham lincoln , he was a celebrity and well-know in America . In his childhood ,he was keen on sport
with his friend and family,such as football. having a strong body is a foundation for my life that have a harmonious family
a successful work.Additionally, from a society
economy .setting up facilities are more money-consuming than art museums , but
it is effect is more
evidence .moreover , more facilities are suitable for
every people
including children or senior citizens .on the contrary ,art or museums just suitable
for understand people .I would acknowledge that set up music performance can expend our outlook ,however, when human being s enjoy their life with music or art , is not necessary
that they give some consideration to some vest in live in poverty people?Having considered all the arguments above, in my opinion, both form practical and economy perspectives I think if government
use more money in facilities ,the effective will more worth.
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头太长了 而且感觉你把大词都用在开头了 但是the development of实在是太普遍了 论述的太少了 像第三段 用让步的方法可以说很多 比如 我必须承认音乐厅和艺术馆也有它建设的必要 但是实情是people更需要 基础设施 因为什么什么 分数3.5-4.5
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扫描下载二维码TPO15作文求批改 ，题目是问whether children should mange money at young age_百度知道
TPO15作文求批改 ，题目是问whether children should mange money at young age
currently, parents are more likely to offer their children some moey and ask them to manage it independently. the people advocate this argue that it would help the children learn how to manage money as young as possible and form a awareness...
大片猩红离去，弃她于苍白的静谧之中 我是敏捷奋飞的静鸟亲爱的，如今我们必须分离：不要让它当我们在世间已不再存在，命中注定的互相离别也许你会个哈哈
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Whether doing successfully in economic has a direct relationship with personal happiness is a heated discussion at present. It seems that he or she cannot feel happy without having a host of money, therefore the only way to become felicitou...
题目：Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other different factors. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
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Whether doing successfully in economic has a directrelationship with personal happiness is a heated discussion at present. Itseems that he or she cannot feel happy without having a host of ①money, thereforethe only way to become felicitous is tracing for fortune.②1.a host of 用于修饰可数名词，可以改为plenty of2. trace 表示追踪时，直接接名词，等同于track down. 但是你这里要表达的是追求财富，所以应该是说seek the wealth. Some people believe that economic ③is the cornerstone of being happiness④. After being wealthy, obviously, you can do plenty of⑤ things which you want to do. Apart from tacklingthe high expenditure of daily life,⑥ you will still have money to use freely.In other words, money can buy almost all the things they want.⑦ Moreover, the best education and social welfare will be accessible. To be exact,you can get a great circumstance to be better. Last but not least, money is a more effective way to judge the extent ofsuccess of a⑧ person. There is no doubt that people want to earn more money to prove his or her ability.3.economic为形容词，此处应该为economy4.happiness应改为happy5. 因为上面已经使用了plenty of,为避免重复，改为: numerous或者lots of之类的。6.tackle后面主要接问题problem表示解决问题，接someone表示袭击某人。这里用paying就可以了。7. 前面一直用you指代，这里也应该用回you, 改为：everything youwant.8.a这里改为one比较好。9．有点怪,没有比较，我觉得不要用more比较好，改为people want toprove their ability through earning much money.
On the other hand, there are also some people supposethat being happiness⑩relies on other different factors. First of all, numerous researches show that there are vary kinds of things boost the feeling of success11, including marriage, health, working environment 12and income. It is easy to realize that the source of happiness is not only money,but also the13 positive related things. What is more, many people living in poor14 still have a happy life because they are pretty optimistic. However, money cannot buy everything, such as friendship, true love, health and time.10，应该为happy11.改为there are kinds ofthings which can boost the feeling of our success. 12. 应为work environment,跟工作经验是一样的，work experience.13.去掉the,表示泛指14. 可以改为struggling withpoverty作文框架感觉有点乱了，遇到这种讨论两方观点并给出自己观点的题目一般是分为四段（五段容易出现一边倒的状况）第一段：点题。四句即可：·1介绍社会背景，2交代话题。3转述原题观点。4陈述自己观点（可省略）第二段：陈述自己倾向的那一方论点。五句：1概括本段观点。2.这种观点的分论点（即本观点的理由一）3.解释支持分论点（使用复杂句）4.分论点二 5. 解释支持分论点二。第三段：让步段,陈述自己不太倾向的那一方论点。五句：1 概括本段论点。 2 分论点一 3. 解释支持分论点一
4. 提出你不太 倾向这种观点存在什么不妥的地方（最好是反驳本段第二句的理由） 5. 解释支持第四句。第四段：结尾段。1概括在让步段中自己不太倾向的那个观点（可省略）2.重申自己更倾向的那一方观点。 3 提出我们/政府/媒体/家长应该如何做的建议，表明自己确实是关注辩论话题的。我也不知道我的对不对，我上次裸考总分也就6.5，写作也才6分。我下个月初也要考了，有点怕，唉。
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