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If you have concerns about an older adult's ability to drive, addressing them promptly could be a matter of life and death. It may be tempting to procrastinate -- to talk to him next week or before the first snowfall, for example -- but think how you'd feel if the delay led to an automobile accident that resulted in a serious injury or death.
Considering the possible consequences should help you overcome your hesitation -- but that doesn't mean it will be easy. It's awkward and painful to have to inform older adults that they aren't capable of doing something as basic and essential as driving the car. For them, it's another humiliating reminder of their growing inability to take care of themselves and manage the tasks of daily life.
As difficult as it is, if you have reason to believe that the person in your care could be dangerous behind the wheel, it's important to deal with the issue sooner rather than later -- because later could be too late.
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Plan Ahead
It's a good idea to plan how you're going to approach the subject before bringing it up. Take time to consider how the situation looks from the driver's point of view and what driving means to him.
In his book How to Say It to Seniors, geriatric expert David Solie points out that because elderly people face so many losses at this stage of life, they tend to rigidly control the few things they can. This struggle for control will almost certainly come into play where driving is concerned, because giving up the car keys could affect where they live, who they see, and what interests and activities they can pursue. To you, this decision is a simple matter of g for them, it represents the end of life as they've always known it.
Make sure your expectations are realistic. If you assume that one discussion will neatly resolve the matter, you're bound to be disappointed. Given how charged the driving issue is, you need to think of this as a process that will take some adjustment and fine-tuning. Consider this a prelimi a way to get the issue out on the table so it can be dealt with openly.
Consider your own role. Remember that it's not up to you to convince the person your caring for to immediately cease driving, even if you think this is the best course of action. Unless the driver has dementia or is otherwise incapacitated (see below), it's best to respect his right to make decisions about his life -- with your input and support.
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Consider temporarily giving up the car yourself. Elizabeth Dugan, a geriatric researcher who wrote the book The Driving Dilemma, reports that a colleague stopped using his car for two weeks before talking to his elderly father about driving safety. His carless weeks gave him firsthand experience of the inconvenience and lack of mobility that his father was going to have to endure. You may not want to give up your car before you talk with an older adult, but you should give some thought to the emotional and practical issues he'll face when he gives up driving.
Plan your discussion for a quiet time of day. Find a time when you and the driver you're concerned about are both relaxed and rested and no one has any deadlines or commitments pending.
How to Bring It Up
When you introduce the subject, try to avoid coming on too strong, or you'll set the discussion off on the wrong foot. You may feel a keen sense of urgency, but if you jump right in with, "You have to stop driving! You're going to kill someone!" he'll probably either get angry or tune you out.
Remember that if you've noticed that his driving has grown erratic and sloppy, he's probably aware of it, too. You can be most helpful by helping him express and work through his own concerns. A good way to do this is to initiate the discussion with a question. For instance, if you know that he has received a traffic ticket, ask him about it, and then follow up with another question like, "How are you doing with your driving? Are you finding it a little difficult to manage?"
Handle Objections With Reflective Listening
Your loved one may respond by pointing out all the practical reasons he can't stop driving ("What about my weekly golf game?" or "My wife's physical therapy appointments are clear across town!"). Without directly answering your question about his driving ability, he's already making the case for why he can't stop. This is valuable information because it provides a glimpse of his own internal struggle: He knows that he's having trouble driving safely but can't fathom how he'll manage without a car.
Encourage him to discuss his concerns without immediately jumping in with solutions (don't rush in with "I'm sure Jack or Stan will be happy to drive you to the golf course" or "The bus goes right by the physical therapy office"). It's also usually counterproductive to offer reassurances ("Don't worry, it will all work out fine"). Such responses may offer temporary comfort, but they won't help you or him explore the larger issues involved.
Instead, you can help him express his fears by using "reflective listening," a technique Elizabeth Dugan recommends when talking about driving and other difficult issues with an elderly parent or other older adult. Reflective listening -- which essentially means rephrasing what the person has said -- conveys support and encouragement and helps the speaker gain insight about his experience.
To use reflective listening in the example above, you could say something like, "Look, I know you're probably worried that giving up driving would mean you have to give up some of your usual activities." This type of response will encourage him to keep talking about his worries and reflect upon them, which is an important step in working through major problems and transitions.
Allow Space for a Long Conversation
When reflecting about driving and its role in the driver's life, don't be surprised if he begins to talk about the past. He may reminisce about his honeymoon road trip to the Grand Canyon or recall how he saved up money for his first car or taught all the kids how to drive.
Resist the temptation to interrupt and get him back on track. Instead, try to encourage the reminiscences by asking questions or even requesting to see photos. Sifting through memories will help him come to terms with this life transition as he reflects on the role driving has played in his life and gradually accept the fact that he'll soon have to give it up.
As the discussion progresses, ask him directly what he thinks he should do about driving. You may want to help him jot down some of the pros and cons of the alternatives he faces. This approach can help someone realize that there are actually some benefits to not driving (tremendous savings on auto insurance, car maintenance, and gasoline, for example). It also may help focus him on the stark consequences -- such as a fatal accident -- that could result from maintaining the status quo.
Depending on how everyone is feeling, this might be a good point to put the discussion on temporary hold. Agree to meet again in a couple of days, after you've all had a chance to reflect on the various options. (You might want to set a specific time to meet to ensure that it happens.)
Of course, there's no telling how the discussion will unfold, since that will have a lot to do with factors unique to the situation. But the discussion is much more likely to be productive and positive if you approach it with a genuine desire to learn more about his experiences, ideas, and concerns.
Find Out if Other Issues Are Affecting Driving
Find out if medical problems are causing driving issues. If the person you're caring for acknowledges that he's having difficulty driving, find out the specific problems. Make appointments with his physician and eye doctor, and be sure to ask about medication, side effects, and drug interactions. It's possible that the problem can be remedied with a change in medication or a stronger pair of glasses. Make sure his car is suited to his needs and physical abilities, and ask his doctor if assistive devices might help address driving difficulties.
Discuss interim measures, if possible. Once you determine the source of the problem, you can decide what to do next. His physician might suggest that he limit driving to daylight hours or essential errands. If he's going to continue to drive at all, it's a good idea for him to brush up on his driving skills and the traffic laws by taking a senior driving refresher course. AARP, AAA, and commercial driving schools all offer such courses. Agree to revisit the decision every few months to see how it's going.
Help explore other transportation options. Whether or not he has to give up the car keys immediately, it's a good idea to help your loved one become familiar with other transportation options. Take the bus with him if he's apprehensive and help him find out more about local senior transportation services. Encourage him to carpool with friends.
Take a break if he refuses to address the issue of driving safety. He may become angry when you try to talk about driving or refuse to discuss it, so it's a good idea to temporarily drop the issue. There's no point in engaging in a battle -- it will only make him more resistant. Give the matter some time, and then bring it up again in a week or so. You may find that he's become more receptive to discussing the matter over time, as he grows used to the idea and realize that the risks of continuing to drive outweigh the benefits.
6 Ways You Can Help Someone Stop Driving
Wherever older adults are on the driving continuum -- whether they're still driving, driving with restrictions, or must give up driving altogether -- you can play a valuable role. Your caring, active participation in their lives will reassure them that ceasing to drive doesn't have to sentence them to isolation and boredom.
Make it a habit to check in on them often, just to chat or share some news.
Offer to drive them to the activities they enjoy -- or help find someone else who can take them.
See that they're included in family outings, like their grandchildren's school events or a day at the beach.
Encourage them to try taking the bus on their next trip to the pharmacy, or to walk, if it isn't too far away, and offer to go with them if you can.
Urge them to ask for rides from friends, and to reciprocate in whatever way they can (preparing a meal, for example).
Help them develop new routines and interests that don't require driving, like gardening, walking, or swimming at the local pool.
Your support and involvement in their lives will make giving up the car a far less lonely and frightening prospect.
Connie Matthiessen
Constance (Connie) Matthiessen, senior editor, has worked as a healthcare and environmental journalist at the Center for Investigative Reporting and has written for
WebMD, Consumer Health Interactive, the Washington Post, the
San Francisco Chronicle,
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16 days ago,
kishoredaa8924
my mom hit a pedestrian so her insurance is going up $3,000 a year. so mow she wants to trade in both cars and I buy new one and I pay for ins. http://thanksgivingimages.us/ I woukd have to take her everywhere when not eorking. she doesn't care. shoukd she help me some?
2 months ago,
Just by entering the essential details about the student i.e., name, roll number and date of birth in the empty spaces of , the 10th Inter 1st & 2nd Year Result displays on the screen.
10 months ago,
Engineer Bill. Your FIL's Dr. Can turn him in to CA DMV, The form will require him to come in for testing his license will be suspended and he will have no say so. Some Drs. Are afraid of doing this due to the large numbers of lawyers in CA. Your wife, his daughter can turn him in for testing by a specialized department, and because she is family, it can be anonymous. Chances are he will not pass the testing. My parents didn't.
10 months ago,
My father-in-law is 98, still living on his own in CA, a couple of miles away. His eye doctor has determined that he has lost his peripheral vision and told that he should stop driving, immediately, forever. My FIL also has mobility and balance problems and cannot reach the car without using a walker. He refuses to stop driving, says that he'll just be more careful. Any suggestions?
11 months ago,
good so you are instantly connected on Hangout with all those in your Google Circles.
Using Hangout while on an information network is very easy compared with Facetime. nice.
about 1 year ago,
Valentine55
my mom hit a pedestrian so her insurance is going up $3,000 a year. so mow she wants to trade in both cars and I buy new one and I pay for ins. I woukd have to take her everywhere when not eorking. she doesn't care. shoukd she help me some?
about 2 years ago,
DesparateDaughter
Honestly this was not helpful.
You are expecting a 81 year old person to have appropriate responses to sensible questions.
Sensibility and rational reaction is gone.
They have a flight or fight response which is very scary.
I have done all of the above suggestions and its too the point now where she is driving without a license. She has severe dementia and uses a walker or a cane.
What other tough love options do I have?
almost 3 years ago,
How to deal with a stubborn Senior who won't deal with the fact that her life must change.
about 3 years ago,
I would like ideas for what to do when the drivers refuse to give up their keys, even though their licenses are revoked.
I am trying to be straight forward and not sneaky.
It's a question of their forgetting they can no longer drive.
Should I talk to their insurance agent?
They also refuse home health care or moving to assisted living-memory care.
They don't listen to their doctor either when he makes a list of what they should do.
over 3 years ago,
My Father is now 93, in diapers, due to judgement issues.
Still complains that there was age discrimination in taking away his license to drive.
He can't even tell that i am in the room, unless i stand in front of him and hold his shoulder and speak with him.
over 3 years ago,
With Dementia, there is more urgency involved i.e. remembering where the patient lives or phone numbers if car trouble.
Panic attacks are prevalent.
Very difficult for one who lives with the patient-spouse or child-, but would be even more difficult if patient has been living alone.
over 3 years ago,
My 82 years old dad finally agreed to donate his car tonight which has been with him for the past 15+ years due to his age.
I should have felt relief and joyful, instead, I felt a sense of sadness that my dad is really getting old and not driving anymore...of course it was a right decision to make, I just feel sad the fact that my dad is really getting old...I love my dad so much and want him to stay young forever....
about 4 years ago,
William Henry
The article mentioned community transportation options briefly. The Community Transportation Association of America (www.ctaa.org), National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (www.n4a.org), and Independent Transportation Network of America (www.itnamerica.org) can lead you to local resources. There are lots of good
programs out there. Many are based on volunteer drivers, not just public transportation.
over 4 years ago,
jack jackson - I would check with your insurance agent, as the laws may very from state to state.
If you are allowed to purchase and have a car in your name, you need to make sure that you have a liability umbrella policy to cover your assets in case of a lawsuit.
In some states, you may own the car, but you cannot possess the keys to it, as that constitutes having 'control' of the car, which without a driver's license is illegal.
Insurance agents would be the best resource for this.
Hope this helps.
over 4 years ago,
Winston Thomas
This is a required tool and need to be widened
over 4 years ago,
jack jackson
This is not really a comment but a question. I am 66 yrs old and and gave up my drivers license a couple of months ago for medical reasons. Mainly because of the medicine I am taking. I just do not fell safe behind the wheel. My question is can I still buy a car in my own name even though I have no intention of driving.it?
over 4 years ago,
It also helped me to point out to them that they had a dent in their back bumper, which was bigger than a man's fist which they could not explain, nor had they noticed it.
Their car has since changed into my name (for liability reasons without their knowledge using POA), but we still call it 'their' car and it is what I use to ferry Dad to and from things in as it's easier for him to get into and out of.
Their trust pays me the 56.5 cents per mile to cover the costs of the additional car.
over 4 years ago,
What has worked with my father-in-law was a discussion about the liability issue if he were to have an accident.
The threat of a lawsuit and the possible loss of his home, savings, etc out-weighed any concern he had of killing someone in an accident.
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文 章来 源莲山 课件 w ww.5Y k J.cO m Unit 2Ⅰ. 单项选择（10分）（&& ）& 1. ―What’s the time? ―It’s _______ three-thirty.&&& A. of&&&&&&&&& B. around&&&&&& C. at（&& ）& 2. I usually go to bed _______ ten o’clock.&&&&&& A. in&&&&&&&&& B. after&&&&&&&&& C. on（&& ）& 3. Please write and tell me _______ your school lday.&&&& A. about&&&& B. for&&&&&&&&&&&& C. with（&& ）& 4. We often do _______ homework at home.&&&&&&& A. we&&&&&&&& B. us&&&&&&&&&&&& C. our（&& ）& 5. _______ interesting movie it is!&&&&&&&&&& A. What&&& B. How&&& C. What an& （&& ）& 6. Please come _______ here. Don’t go _______ now. A. home&&&& &B. /; to home& C. /; home （&& ）& 7. I usually watch TV _______ Saturday evenings.& A. on&&B. in&&C. at （&& ）& 8. Sorry, I can’t go with you. I have _______ homework to do.&&& A. little& B. many& C. lots of（&& ）& 9. ―_______ do you eat breakfast? ―At seven-thirty.&& A. What&&& B. What time& C. Where（&& ）10. ―Do you know ________? ―Sorry, I don’t know. &&&&&&&&&&& A. what is his name&&& B. what his name is&& C. what name is hisⅡ. 完形（10分）My brother works in a store. It’s near(在……附近) a&& 11& . The students come to&& 12&& pens or food every day. My brother&& 13&& at 6:00 in the morning. He&& 14&& a bus to the store. He gets&& 15&& the store at 6:50. His work&& 16&& at 7:00.&& 17&& things are on sale,&& 18&& lots of students come to the store. My brother is very happy to meet&& 19&& and the students&& 20&& to see my brother very much.&（&& ）11. A. hotel&B. park&&C. school （&& ）12. A. sell&&& &B. see&&& &C. buy（&& ）13. A. eats lunch&&& B. gets up&&& C. goes to bed （&& ）14. A. takes&B. brings& &C. has（&& ）15. A. in&&&& &B. to&&&&&& &C. at（&& ）16. A. starts&B. goes&&& &C. comes（&& ）17. A. A lot &B. A little &C. Many（&& ）18. A. also&&& &B. but&&&& &C. and（&& ）19. A. it&&&&& &B. them& &C. him （&& ）20. A. listen&&& B. love&&&& &C. write&Ⅲ. 理解（20分）A My name is Dennis. I’m a worker(工人) of a big store. I don’t work in the morning. I work at night. Every morning I come home at around 6:30. I have break－fast at 7:00. After breakfast I go to bed. I get up at around 2:30. I have lunch at 2:45 and dinner at 7:40. Then I go to work at 8:30. My work starts at 9:00. I look after(照看) the store every night. I like my work very much.短文后，选择最佳答案。（10分）（&& ）21. When does Dennis get up?&&&& A. At 6:15 in the morning.&& B. At 6:30 in the morning.& C. At 2:30 in the afternoon. （&& ）22. Where does Dennis work?&&&&& A. In a school.&&&&&& B. In a store.& C. In a factory(工厂). （&& ）23. When does Dennis work?&&&&& A. In the morning.&& B. At night.&& C. In the afternoon. （&& ）24. What time does Dennis start his work?&&&&&&&&&&& A. At 8:30 in the morning.&&&& B. At 2:30 in the afternoon. C. At 9:00 at night. （&& ）25. When does he go to bed?&&&&&&&&&& A. After breakfast.& B. After lunch.& C. After dinner. BMr and Mrs Jones live(居住) in Paris. Mr Jones takes a bus to the bank(银行) every day. He is a clerk. He often goes out in the morning and comes back in the evening. Mrs Jones works in a school. She usually goes to work at eight in the morning and gets home at about five-thirty in the afternoon. So they have no time to look after their little son, Jerry. Who looks after Jerry? His aunt, Mary. She is Mr Jones’ sister.阅读短文后，根据文中信息回答下列问题。（10分）26. Where do the Jones live?&&&&&&& _________________________________27. What’s Mr Jones’s job? _________________________________28. What time does Mrs Jones come home?&&&&&&&&&& _________________________________29. How many kids do they have?& _________________________________30. Who looks after Jerry?_________________________________Ⅳ. 词汇训练（15分）A) 根据汉语提示填入所缺的单词。（5分） 31. Are there _________(旅馆) in that little town(镇)?32. She ________(刷) her teeth every morning and evening.33. His father often works all _______(夜).34. The boy does his _________(家庭作业) after dinner.35. I _________(通常) go to the guitar club with Jim and Tom. B) 根据句意及首字母提示完成单词。（5分）36. Mary is a clerk. Her work s_________ at 8:00 every morning.&&&&&&&& 37. I’m the last one to t________ a shower.38. Can you t_______ me about your family?&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 39. At a_________ eight o’clock, I go to work.40. ―What’s her uncle’s j________? ―He is an actor. C) 用适当的词组，补全下面的短文。（5分） I usually 41___________(起床) at 6:00. I have milk and bread for breakfast. After breakfast, I 42____________(上学) by bus. I get to school at 7:30. I have four classes in the morning. Then I have lunch at school. In the afternoon I have two classes. I 43___________(回家) at 4:00 and get home at 5:00. I eat dinner at about 6:30. After dinner, I 44____________(做作业). I 45__________(上床睡觉) at 9:00. That’s my day. Ⅴ. 根据语境从方框中选择恰当的句子补全下面的对话。（5分）A: Excuse me, Wei Fang. 46&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& B: Sorry, I don’t know. 47_______ Tony is coming. You can ask him.A: 48___&&&&&&&& ____ What’s the time, please?&&&&&& C: It’s around 3:30.A: Thank you, Tony.&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& C: You’re welcome. Oh, 49__ _&& __&& _& _&& ___ Look!B: Is it black?&&&&&&&&&&&&& C: 50_______B: Let me have a look. Oh, it’s my watch.&&&&&&&&&&&& C: Here you are.B: Thanks a lot. Ⅵ. 根据要求改写句子，每空一词。（5分）&51. Kate takes a shower at 5:00. （对画线部分提问）________ ________ does Kate take a shower?52. I often play the guitar. （改为否定句）I _______ often _______ the guitar.53. It’s seven-fifty. （对画线部分提问）_______ the _______ now?54. He does homework at 7:00 every evening. （对画线部分提问）______ does he ______ at 7:00 every evening?55. A bus takes them there. （改为同义句）They ______ a bus ______ get there. &Ⅶ. 根据汉语将句子翻译完整，每空一词。（5分） &56. 请写信告诉我你的学习情况。Please _______ _______ tell me about your study. 57. 通常他大约十点半睡觉。He usually goes to bed _______ _______ ten-thirty. 58. 你想知道他的学习与工作吗？Do you want to _______ _______ his study and work?59. 我总是早上最后一个到达学校的人。I’m always the last one _______ _______ to school in the morning.60. 汤姆家有两个淋浴器。Tom’s _______ _______ two showers.&Ⅷ. 书面表达（10分）以My School day为题写一篇短文，描述一下自己一天的生活和学习情况。要求：中心明确、语句通顺。60词左右。___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
参考答案笔试部分Ⅰ. 1-5 BBACC& &&6-10 CACBBⅡ. 11-15 CCBAB& &&16-20 ACCBBⅢ. A) 21-25 CBBCA& B) 26. They live in Paris.&& 27. He is a bank clerk. 28. She comes home at about five-thirty in the afternoon. 29. They have only one kid.30. Jerry’s aunt, Mary.& Ⅳ. A) 31. hotels& &&32. brushes& &33. night& 34. homework& &35. usuallyB) 36. starts& &&37. take& &&38. tell& 39. around / about&&&&& 40. jobC) 41. get up& &&42. go to school& 43. go home 44. do homework& 45. go to bed Ⅴ. 46-50 CDBAE Ⅵ. 51. What time&& 52. don’t; play& 53. What’s; time54. W do&&& 55. toⅦ. 56. write and& &57. at around / about& 58. know about &59. to get&&&& 60. family hasⅧ. One possible version:My School day&&& I get up at six in the morning. Then I wash my face and brush my teeth. I have breakfast at six-thirty, and then I go to school. I get to school at about seven-forty. Classes begin at eight. I have eight classes every day. At 12:15 I have lunch at school.&&& School is over at about five-thirty in the afternoon.& &&& I have dinner at around seven. After dinner I do my homework. At nine, I take a shower and go to bed.& 文 章来 源莲山 课件 w ww.5Y k J.cO m
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